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esteromom , 16 Apr 2010

day 3 -FAIL

well, couldnt resist the urge, those darn white heads are taunting me. At first I started with just scratching them a little, telling myself its not really picking right? When that didnt do the trick I did step away from the mirror for awhile. Then the next time I had to use the restroom it was too much to take. And of course my daughter walked in an a horrible rush a guilt came across me as I wanted to make the commitment to stop in part for her. So here I go again. Day 1/2
13 Answers
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wildflower
April 16, 2010
that's just it. it is too easy for us to justify the picking. in order to change that, there must be a mind shift and a change in habits and focus. what changes are you incorporating into your daily regimen? what is your focus? it might help to type out the process you are incorporating in order to conquer the obsession. how old is your daughter? what advice regarding daily skin care would you give her? how would you suggest she handle white heads?
esteromom
April 16, 2010
Shes only 4.5 but shes got OCD tendancies so Im really conserned. Since I just found this site and Im more informed Im desperate to spare her the fate the most of the women in my family have. At the reccomendation of a posting on here I took up beading, threw away all my mirrors and picking "tools" I have been following the sking care routine I have from estee lauder. Ironically I was a beauty advisor there, but only because, I had the picking down to a science to minimize large holes and was good at covering them up. I also had trouble with picking off old scabs. To remove them I justified it by exfoliating. But I will say I only do that so the make up will go on smoothly, I really dont think thats my problem as much as picking. I dont know where that line is.
wildflower
April 16, 2010
i empathize with your situation. i can see how important making a change would be with your daughter being so young and in her formative state. i realize you were in a cosmetic beauty advisor profession, but also believe that profession to be not necessarily the kindest to skin being profit oriented. i don't believe proper skin care needs to be expensive and brand oriented. i believe in a simple skin cleaning regimen as i've outlined in another post. i would think adopting a simple regimen that is healthy might be the plan and have you both use it together and treat your skin as you would advise her to treat her skin. do you think that approach would work?
esteromom
April 16, 2010
you know when you mentioned the skincare just now it occured to me its the makeup Im using. I know alot about ingrediants in makeup, etc. from working there and Im going to top post that. The skin care regimen I use is basic, gentle cleanser and moisturise, it is estee but thats only because I have an excess. So I know its not that. Its gotta be the makeup causing the white heads. if I remove that big temptation, then I just gotta be easier to stop....
wildflower
April 16, 2010
i can't express how much i hope that you can be successful with stopping the picking because i have experienced how it feels to not be such a slave to that behaviour. i have not been using any makeup at all since my skin has healed over even choosing not to hide the resultant red marks that will fade over time. still, i have had white heads come up, unfortunately. but for the first time ever, with my determination to not pick, i have seen them go through their cycle without intervention. it is slow, for sure, and very testing. but rewarding in that i won, not the picking, and the white heads disappeared with nary a mark where they were which i consider a major success and reward. i wish that for you. and i also wish that you will be able to put into plan a regimen that will serve as the example you want your daughter to have as well as one that will give you healthier skin. :) <3
cherrycolalola
April 17, 2010
I have to tell on myself. I picked last night. I was doing well, but trying to manage a lot of stress. I found myself in a stressful social situation and knew I should probably remove myself, but didn't. I also had too much caffeine yesterday, despite telling myself I would stay away and I also contacted someone I have an intense relationship with. I think these three things were the main triggers. I woke up in the night and was just feeling my skin. I knew I needed to stop but that bargaining voice started to come in . It was also that old idea of "what the hell I already blew it I might as well relieve some stress", fueling me. Earlier I was feeling guilty about it/thinking about what a disappointment it is to come here and report I've failed. Id like to only be strong, in part because I want to help other people here, but I know its important to admit relapse. Im trying to pick myself up, dust myself off, and "get back on the horse". I think the more quickly I apply myself again and move forward without wallowing the better it will be for me. I have to admit, though, part of me feels really angry at myself and weak. It seems so ridiculous that its so hard for me to make it 4 days. And its scary to me that it is this hard. It makes me feel like theres no way I'll ever beat it. I know this isnt true, and I know I am in fact making progress, but right now those are the negative thoughts running around. Relapse can be so disheartening. Anyway Im starting again at day#1 because its all I can do. Im going to try and forgive myself and accept how hard not picking is for me. I have to remember its a reflection of how strong the addiction is, not how weak I am. Im also going to buy gloves and take stronger measures at night.
freshstart76
April 17, 2010
I have to tell on myself too, cherrycolalola. Sigh. I made it six days, stress became unbearable (for similar reasons that you were feeling stressed), break out ensued, and I caved. Usually, I don't have any big "break outs" - the irony, given how terrible I can make my face look - but wouldn't you know, my first week trying to kick this compulsion, I end up getting THREE gigantic pimples / cysts. They were just so huge and painful, and one was super visible, so I succombed to my old ways... and now I have three red, swollen welts on my face, and I recognize now that I did nothing to help them out. As I felt the guilt set it, I also had the internal voice pipe up with "Oh well, you've blown it now, might as well go big time", so I searched and searched for more areas of my face (and chest and back) to destroy. Sigh. I want to beat this so bad, and, like you, this relapse has frightened me with the realization of how much power it holds. Back to day one, square one, pick myself up, dust myself off, and start all over again...
cherrycolalola
April 18, 2010
Well as frustrating as the whole process is, its really nice to know Im not alone. I think the power to beat this comes from our ability to keep trying, despite all the setbacks. I feel for you!! Good for you making it 6 days. We have to remember to focus on any time we have spent "clean". Im right there with you for day one again. Lets make it to 6 days and longer!
wildflower
April 18, 2010
both of you have the right idea. it's understandable to be disappointed and angry even but it's bigger and better to forgive yourselves. you had pick free days and those were successes. you know you can do that many and undoubtedly you can do that many and more. all the best to yas. you can do it !
freshstart76
April 18, 2010
Am I allowed to say that this forum kicks a**? :) Thanks to both of you for your supportive messages, and yes, cherrycololola, here's to six days... and beyond! Although yesterday I felt that I was under a dark cloud, I've woken up this morning refreshed and ready to tackle this thing again... looking forward to celebrating one full clean week in seven days!
allovertheplace
April 18, 2010
The process is extremely frustrating. This addiction can steer our whole lives if we allow it. We have to keep trying. We have to try till we die. I thought if I stopped wearing makeup completely, I'd stop picking, but I've learned there's so much more to it than that. Even with me throwing away all of my makeup and coming clean to my boyfriend who is still there for me, supporting me, I pick. In the end, only ourselves can truly seperate us from this. My biggest problem are white heads. Once they form, they itch and I want to squeeze so bad. But once I've squeezed all the white heads, I'm hungry for more and I begin to scrutinize my face for that instant feeling of satisfaction that only leaves me with days and days of regret. My dad keeps encouraging me to allow the white heads to run their course and see how naturally and mark free they'll heal. So one white head I had yesterday is almost completely gone today which is giving me the perserverance not to pick at the others that itch so badly. I also decided to do the 40 day challenge, so i'll have a goal to work towards. Today is day 2. I also got a tattoo on my wrist today, the word defiance. Now as my head leans in towards the mirror and my hands raise up to my face in the position to begin picking, I see the tattoo and my reminder to defy this.
wildflower
April 19, 2010
you are understanding this compulsion very well. i believe you will soon have it all behind you in the near future. if you are in the usa, ask your pharmacist for Tronolane ointment. it is for hemorrhoids and minor skin rashes and sores. it is odourless and when applied thinly rubs in nicely and addresses itchiness as well as soreness so it might be just the right thing to help you let your white heads run their course. i used it a lot as my sores went through their healing stages and it helped immensely with the resultant itchiness. again, you are doing really well with your thinking about this realizing that zero tolerance is likely the only approach. you're not far from it either. i believe in you!!

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