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mdmadre , 16 May 2010

New here... but not so new to picking

I began picking my face (zits, black heads, anything I thought was a blemish) when I was in high school. Now I am 25 and I have tried for years to stop but I cant:( I sit here in bed crying and typing this. Why cant I succeed at this one task of quitting something I know is so bad for me to do? I picked so much tonight and feel so bad about myself right now. I had gone for like 2 wks with out picking and I completely ruined that tonight. I feel like a monster. My husband knows about my issue... but he doesnt understand.. now he just gets mad and says its ridiculous I cant stop doing this to myself. anyone ever try having a quitting partner on here? like making a quit date and helping each other stick to it (accountability) ? Anyone interested in becoming my quit partner? I feel like I just need to talk to people who understand:(
28 Answers
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wildflower
May 27, 2010
of course, many factors come into play. and of course not all doctors are created equal. still, when one has a health issue, the first thing to do is talk to your health care provider(s), regardless of the fear or shame that might be present. it is empowering to do so, and responsible. whether or not the preferred treatment is received is one issue, but it most certainly cannot be if the help isn't requested. if one is fortunate enough to receive good health care from the provider, that is wonderful. if one is not so fortunate, then one has to seek help elsewhere, with more people coming forward about dermatillomania, hopefully better treatment will become available.
mdmadre
May 27, 2010
dermatillomania is a mental health issue. that is one of many reasons i forewent going to my derm and decided to see a psychiatrist. This psychiatrist just made me feel worse about it. She tried to blame the reason why I picked on my mother and told me I should be mad at her. My mom has the same disorder just not as severe. Then this psych told me that I should start exercising daily and maybe I would become obsessed about that instead of picking: / She neglected to be mindful of my situation... husband in active duty military in a different state or deployed, me in med school studying from 7:30 till 5pm while my son was in daycare.... then according to the psych I was supposed to put him in the YMCA daycare after his own full day of daycare so I could work out for an hours! Really Really is what I wanted to scream at her. So each day I am only supposed to get an hour to see my son!! anyway... i dont mean to be projecting my anger.. She just sucked though .... she didnt know a damn thing about this disorder (she even told me she had never had anyone with this issue before). She should have referred me to someone but she probably didnt know anyone who dealt with such an issue. I think it is important to know that the health care provider doesnt need to be a MD or DO. It could be a behavioral change therapist or hypnotherapist or a psychiatrist that deal with this issue ... etc It is of great importance to have an accountability partner. I learn a lot about this in my human behavior class. ( the vast majority of smokers who successfully quit have an accountability partner)
wildflower
May 28, 2010
my heart goes out to you regarding the deplorable insensitive manner your request for treatment received. i would be livid too. it is obvious she didn't have the resources to effectively deal with your issues and you are right in that she should have referred you to someone who could help you when it was clear she couldn't. you did do the right thing though, by going that route first and foremost. to skip that route would not have been responsible. the more people that seek their physician/psychologist/psychiatrist's assistance will be doing more good for the many with this affliction than the numbers that circumvent the system. when effective treatment isn't received at first, further steps must be taken. one should never give up. there is good treatment to be received. i only mean to say that speaking to your health care provider(s) should be one of the first steps taken. our voices need to be heard there or it will continue to be brushed under the carpet. if that proves to be ineffectual, then research other means that seem promising until something works. one person's solution is not always another's. if an accountability partner is what you believe will work for you and you find one or more, and it works, that is fabulous for all involved. i believe that is the basics of aa, na, oa and the like. there is nothing like a good support group. and a good support group is also one of the processes i have always encouraged.
jo7124
May 27, 2010
I did the same last night,my partner has gone away for two days,I was all geared up for exercising,studying,pampering,being kind to my skin and last night I picked for an hour at least,felt totally deflated and miserable.I have a big change come up and I have been really trying to stop my picking but I just keep having set backs,when set backs come along ,I seem to pick constantly,making things so much worse,getting angry with myself.When I stop picking ,first few days are easy but after that I just feel like my whole face is discusting,eg -the pores on my nose fill up and to me make my nose look huge !!ggrrrr!I remember a long time ago when I stopped for quite awhile,when I picked,this is awful, but the gunk that came out smelt,so my heads in a spin,thinking Im dirty if I stop and Im doomed if I carry on!!! I am intending on visiting my Gp,when I move and explaining it all to him and then hopefully he will send me to see a different Dermatologist,as I have had a bad experience before,ill tell all to the dermatologist(which what ill say, is all running round my head day and night)So I could really do with a quitting partner ,so if you havent already got your partner mdmadre let me know!Jo
kmj
June 02, 2010
Hi, I'm new here. Been at it for about 25 years. Cant' believe I still have a face (or skin on my neck, back, shoulders, chest arms, torso and legs). I cover it well but often feel like everyone notices anyway. I've been reading different things here and there about CSP today. One thing I didn't like reading is that CSP sufferers may feel a sense of relief or pleasure after skin picking. I always feel shameful, defeated and many times more anxious. 4 hours in the mirror does not give me pleasure! Some of you may feel a relief or pleasure but I bet most do not. I'm curious. Also, I have read that CSP is related to perfectionism. I guess everyone in my life would say I am a perfectionist, except me. I know I'm not perfect. My skin picking does not help me feel perfect! It may "clean my skin" but my skin screams imperfection. So, if someone is striving for perfection, why would they destroy themselves? I don't understand. Finally, my husband (who knows full well what I do and asked me to get some help within the first years of our marriage because "it's just not normal.") and I also have a term called "searching." This is when I am watching TV or doing anything that involves a free hand and feeling my scalp, face, back or wherever I can reach for something to scratch or that may need picking later. Sometimes I'm aware of it but I'm often not. He notices it first. I feel like it's part of the disorder. Instead an early warning sign to stay out of the bathroom, it usually ends of being a good indicator that I will pick, a lot. Sadly, I have had problems with depression and anxiety for years. I am, and have been, on many medications for many years. None seem to help my picking. I actually pick less when I'm severely depressed because I have little motivation to do anything. Sorry for those of you who are considering medication. It may help you. It does not seem to help me. Of course there are so many out there it might be worth trying, especially if you don't need meds for anything else. I feel like I'm rambling now. I'm actually curious if anyone will read it and respond. I've never done this before! I'm happy to answer any questions about my experience with meds, but I am NOT a doctor and I will NOT try to be one. Thanks!
wildflower
June 02, 2010
your post is one of the closest that sounds like my history. i can't say i derived pleasure from it. maybe a sense of satisfaction that i achieved the end even though it was destructive, but not pleasure, as i cleansed targets of the contaminants. your perfectionist comment is similar too, as is yours about "searching". i too have been on many antidepressants that never helped much with anything except now i'm on a low dose that keeps my mood from dipping too low even if it doesn't help lift me. perhaps i'm now at a low enough dose that my depressive state helps me pick less. that might be a good thing at the expense of feeling great. it's much better than adverse side effects of higher doses, that's for sure. i'm opting to keep at this dosage because i've been able to keep my picking more or less under control relatively speaking. i hope you will find the right combination of meds/tactics/strength/commitment to do similarly. ☺
bjv
June 02, 2010
I'm new on here also. It feels sadly comforting to know that there are other women suffering from this too. I've been on antidepressants, which hasn't helped my skin picking, and I've looked for Dr.'s who can help. Unfortunately, I have yet to find a Dr who is educated on the issue and am battling this on my own. I have a wonderful husband but he doesn't understand and once said that I'm like a little kid -- always having to be reminded or having to have my hand pulled away from my face. That really hurt me because I don't even know that I'm doing it a lot of time and I feel so horrible afterward. How does your husband respond to your CSP?
bjv
June 02, 2010
Hello. I'm new to this site but have had this problem for many years. I started skin picking when I was 19. I'm now 27 and married and can't stop. My husband can sometimes be insensitive to my problem and doesn't understand that it's not something that I can just stop.

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