I feel so thankful to have found you all!

It's so wonderful to finally know I'm not alone and that there are others with this problem. I have been a picker for as long as I can remember but it recently became severe when I was under a lot of stress. I also think that the tri nessa I was taking made the problem worse because I have never been as bad with picking as I was when I started taking this birth control. It caused me to have anxiety and depression and my face started breaking out more so naturally the urge to pick was more severe. I started to fixate on my nose and actually took a needle and dug deep blackheads out of the left side. I have caused permanent damage as a result and am considering laser to minimize the damage because I can't stand to look at what I've done to myself and I can't stand to see the damaged pores. Disgusting. I didn't even realize that I was causing the damage, I thought that something strange was happening to my skin and I didn't know why! I started to realize it more and more and the more I realized something was seriously wrong, the more I obsessed over it. I checked the mirror hundreds of times during the day and it got to the point where I couldn't even function. One night, as I was picking on my face, there was a show on the TV about BDD and that's when it really hit me. I started sobbing uncontrollably. I have always been a very motivated person and even graduated with honors. I started having panic attacks and I didn't know what was wrong. I think the severe fixation with my nose started in March, but I can't really know for sure. As I said before, I've always been a picker and have caused some scarring but it was really minimal in comparison to what most recently happened. I felt devastated and terrified by the fact that I had caused this damage without really realizing it. Even though I was about to graduate from college, I had to go home a few days before graduation because I was having suicidal thoughts. My mom thought I was overreacting and insisted I go to graduation anyway. I went and I think I will always regret it because it's such a terrible memory. I had such bad anxiety during graduation that I almost left in the middle of the ceremony. I really broke down after that and haven't been out of the house in a month because I honestly hit rock bottom afterward. I keep looking back on my past and realizing that I've always had this problem. I've never been formally diagnosed with OCD but I've been a perfectionist for as long as I can remember and I can see now that I've probably always had BDD. At one time or another, I have fixated on every part of my body and found serious fault with it, the face just became the most prevalent issue. I had one of those vanity mirrors during college with the 5x mag so I am sure that caused my perspective to be distorted even more. I have also picked at every other part of my body at some point, my back, my chest, my legs, the skin on my feet, any scab, dry skin, pimple, my nose, my scalp, my cuticles. In addition, I pick at hair. I know this is a separate but possibly related disorder. I overplucked my eyebrows over time although they used to have a perfect shape and I'm in the process of growing them back now which is extremely difficult to tolerate. I hate body hair as well and I have to remove all of it except for the hair on my arms which doesn't bother me as much. It was so difficult to have this realization all that once that I broke down completely. I tried to talk to my mom about it but she is in denial and just tells me to stop picking, stop plucking. She doesn't want to admit I have a serious problem that spiraled out of control even though she has always seen what I've done to myself. I can barely function. I am so depressed. I know I need to get help. I keep looking at pictures of myself from the past few years and I can see the physical changes. I used to be so pretty and my skin was very clear, I had no scars and my eyebrows were normal. Even though I always picked, my skin healed well. I never took a needle to my face like that before. Words cannot explain how devastated I am. I need advice on where to start seeking help. I know I can't do this on my own but it's hard to keep going without support. I've been exploring the causes and I was abused as a child by my mother's boyfriend so I feel that may be what triggered all of this. I feel your pain and my heart goes out to all of you! Any advice would be greatly appreciated.