15 years old and no one understands my csp

I'm happy you read my comment and that it was somewhat helpful! I like to write to people who I can especially relate to. Your story really hit home, so I've been wondering how you've been doing, so I am glad you wrote back! You made a smart move wearing fake nails again. Good job. You're taking action. Also, good job taking Vitamin B inositol. This shows you are not in denial, and that you care, and are making efforts to get better. I have faith in you getting better because you're receptive of positive advice and acknowledge the issue -- and that is half the battle, my friend. Good for you. But, being realistic of course, we still have a lot of fighting to do to get this under control. I remind you I'm not free of this monster yet either, so we're in this together. ....I can't sleep some nights either, due to wanting to pick at my face in front of a mirror for hours on end. It's exausting isn't it? Not being able to sleep at night because of 'the urge'. I want to ask you: Do you find yourself wanting to pick/scratch mostly during the day or night? Before bathing? After bathing? When you're at home in private and just bored? Or even while you're busy in public? Let's try to pin-point specific times of the day when you find yourself most prone to picking/scratching? I want you to write it down. (I've noticed that I especially pick at my face when I'm home alone, only in front of mirrors, before getting into a shower, and after I get out. I try to be especially conscious of these situations to help mentally fight the urge.) Try to find your pattern of what times of the day you most often feel the urge. Document such things that relate to your CSP. Out-smart the enemy. Try even giving your CSP a name (maybe after an ex-bf, or a mean teacher). Make it subjective. You want to control IT, and not let IT control you. Don't let IT define you. The urges to pick stem from anxiety. Screwing up our skin is our outlet. It's a destructive action, but it's how we release our negative energy. Some people eat, or smoke, or pull their hair out. We go after our skin. It's silly - yup! But it's a hormone chemical embalance in our brains, it's the cards we were dealt. HOWEVER - I've read books on this and studies have shown that recovery IS possible, and that we can change our brain's chemical activity by changing our behaviors. Easier said than done, yup! But the glass is half full - so let's focus on the fact that 1. It CAN be done, 2. It HAS been done (people recover from csp), and 3. It WILL be done. (We're going to beat this). Instead of biting your skin at night when you can't sleep, I want you to write. Write a poem. Write a story. Just write. Draw. Color. Make something awesome out of silly-putty. Do any of these things with real passion and focus until you are so tired and you really want to just fall asleep! Even if you want to e-mail me your poems or stories, so you feel like they have more of a purpose. Go for it. Hey, whatever works. I support you. (p.s. If I wasn't writing to you the past 45 minutes I KNOW I would've been in the bathroom picking at my face... Instead I redirected my energy into something positive). I'm sleepy! Goodnight, ninjaface.

Hey ninjaface and everyone, really. I've been on this forum for at least five months now and although I'm not actually participating everyday in conversation, I have to say its been a huge part of my healing. I'm 19 now, but this all started at 13...eight grade, ewww. Went all through high school with this and my first year of college. First off, there was no way I could quit at your age ninjaface, not to say we're not strong enough, but society isn't kind enough to let us heal. Skin picking is NOT rare. Let's put that out there. There are so many of us, but part of this terrible addiction, is that through clothing and makeup, we can hide it. and we do everything in our ability to hide it. But let me tell you, I got to such a serious breakdown four months ago that I couldn't hide it. Not to say this was my first breakdown, everyday I faced breakdowns, sometimes multiple breakdowns in one day just like you.This breakdown was different though, I was sad, I was PISSED. I was pissed that I couldn't even remove my makeup in public because of the vain discrimination I faced, just like what you faced when you stopped wearing long sleeves and pants. Part of the reason people don't understand and treat you this way is because no one knows about this. because we hide. Well I was so pissed ninjaface, I washed off my makeup, bagged everything up...everything and gave it to my parents to dispose of, just in case i got tempted and knew where I disposed of it. How was it, well, the first day was horrifying, but no one said anything, the next two months, I literally could not look in the mirror, because of that mortifying image looking back at me. But I didn't pick that much, I think I picked only a few times in two months, which is amazing to me. Knowing that I didn't have makeup to depend on, kept me from picking a lot. The third month, I was able to give myself a few glimpses, but I still cringed. But this is the amazing part, my fourth month w/o makeup is ending and not only can I look in the mirror, but I can actually admire myself. The marks are pretty much gone and I receive compliments on my skin everyday! Makeup was not the answer to all of this, there were other factors that played a huge part. I stopped using usual face care products such as clean n' clear, or neutrogena, etc. I started using all natural products on my face, but cut down to only two products. I didn't do much research, I just thought it to be logical to not clog my face with unnatural ingredients or too many ingredients, when it was already in a sensitive state with me ripping it apart so much. So I used Burt's Bee's face wash and a seamoss face moisturizer. For your body, I would suggest any lotion with aloe vera...and that's it. And I would say be brave and wear your scars and wounds. Honesty has been the biggest part of my healing. I'm telling people that I would never, ever tell, like my boyfriend. Yes, boys are the hardest to tell. We want them to see us as beautiful, but you know what, I've found the love of my life my first month not wearing makeup, I found a man genuine and loving and caring...he sees me as beautiful even before my face healed and those are the people you want to be with anyways. I commend you for telling your team, I could've never done that at your age, and that makes me think, you are at the point that you could break this. I've had about six years of chronic picking under my belt and in four months my skin has forgived me. I'm telling you there is hope for us and we come out better as people because of it. I wrote a ton, sorry, but if you make it to the end of this, visit my facebook page I just started, its called 'skin picking'. I want to promote awareness about CSP so that people are less judgemental when we come out of hiding and so that we can all support each other. Share the page with your friends that don't understanding this addiction and maybe they will be a little easier on you too. I wish you the best of luck and hope I can offer support. We can do this!