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hjc77 , 20 Sep 2010

My 3yr old is picking his face to bits....

Hi all, I've just found this website after trying to do my own research into why my son picks his face.... I thought it was just a habit started from when he had chicken pox a couple of years ago... it comes and goes but I used to put it down to dry skin patches etc but it's obvious now that it goes beyond that. I've mentioned it to a Doctor (couldn't really tell her much as he was with me and didn't want to talk about it much in front of him) but she just said it's an anxiety thing and "this cream with help".... the cream did very quickly heal the cuts already made and we also put gloves on him at night and it all died down again but I've noticed how his fingers/hands are always around his mouth/cheeks/playing with his lips etc - as a young child/teething etc this can be quite normal but he's nearly 4yrs now so it's not right... I've always known he's a quirky little character who finds it hard to talk/express his emotions - even though I've worked so hard to develop this - I can tell that his little mind is always running on overdrive and he's really wise beyond his years - it's always been obvious to me that there are pointers that stand out from the 'normal' spectrum of childhood behaviour.... I've even wondered if he's very mildly autistic as he also does a lot of hand flapping/fist clenching when excited/nervous etc.... I am going to go back to the Doc with him this week but just wondered if anyone on here could give me any advice - I really feel something needs to be done now but am worried that I'll just be given the brush off again as he seems to be at that age where the "wait and see" or "we'll monitor it" treatment is given!!! Any help or advice would really be very much appreciated! Thank you, Worried Mummy H x
8 Answers
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username
September 21, 2010
I'm new on here, and don't want to sound like I know best and not sure how much help this will be, but you might want to look up "Asperger Syndrome". It's considered "high functioning autism", it is considered high functioning autism because these children are very intelligent, but have a hard time with social skills, interacting with others, expressing emotions etc. This condition is often times accompanied with different anxiety disorders which include OCD. His excessive picking and "hand flapping" could be a sign of this OCD. I know a lot about asperger syndrom because my neighbor has a son with this condition and I chose to do a paper on this topic, so became very learned in the subject. I don't know much about the picking part of it, however I suffer with OCD and am a habitual picker myself, I also have a tendency to do hand tapping. Please don't let the doctors brush you off, I'm sure it will be easier to help him to stop while he's young instead of waiting till he gets older. Although the gloves are a very good idea, you need to start looking more to what triggers it and why he does it, I know this can be very difficult when you're dealing with a small child who has trouble expressing himself, but you're his mother, I'm sure you'll find a way. Good luck to the little guy!!! Hope I helped.
hjc77
September 21, 2010
Hi there, thank you so much for your reply.... I have been looking at Autism and Aspergers as poss causes but had not heard of the "high functioning" one before which would explain why my son doesn't seem to have any other learning difficulties and actually seems quite intelligent! So I've read up on this more and the one thing that seemed to come across to me was the language used - they say it can be more formal - well I've had a few people tell me how posh he sounds sometimes as he says everything carefully and with sometimes older language - eg if someone says "how are you samuel?!" he might say "very well thank you!".... and I've often felt he picked up certain learnt language from his little sister - rather than it being a natural thing for him to say - ie when she first started exclaiming "Mummy! Mummy!" when she hadn't seen me for a bit - he started doing it too altho he'd not done it before then and he was almost copying her squeaky tone when he said it - so it seemed copied because he thought that's what he should do rather than it coming naturally to him if you see what I mean? I've been researching more tonight and written a massive list of pointers that I've read about and recognise in him so I can try my best to get this across to the Doc - hopefully get an appt for tomorrow! Thanks again, H x
username
September 22, 2010
no problem! It's nice to be able to use some of the information I've learned from school (makes it seem like school is actually usefull sometimes). I hope everything works out ok. The sooner the problem is diagnosed the sooner he can start to get better and the less problems he may have in the future. -D
hjc77
October 19, 2010
Hi there, thank you so much for remembering us! He has an appt to see a Paed end of November.... if anything is "wrong" it might be so mild that he doesn't show his 'symptoms' on the day or is considered too young for a diagnosis anyway but I still feel it's worth getting him checked out - esp as he starts school next Sept. His preschool managers are in agreement with me that there is something that's not quite right but they can't put their fingers on it and that some days he appears as tho nothing's wrong at all!!! He's a very confusing case, ha!! He def has a lot of aspergers/asd traits but then also seems very highly sensitive which kind of goes against what asd's are?! His face picking has died down a bit again but now he's constantly playing with his mouth and because the weather's getting colder, this is causing chapped skin around his lips - which makes him play with it more I think so it's a bit of a vicious circle! I just really hope that the Docs do come up with some kind of idea of what it might be or ways I can help him with his anxiety/ocd if that's what it is.... couldn't bear to be brushed off and I'm told you do have to keep on at them before they'll take you seriously sometimes - just want help, not a battle!!! H x
socalgal
October 20, 2010
Hello, try using a reward chart, I got my daughter of age 3 to quit biting her nails with a reward chart!!! put like 15 spaces for the first one. Take him to the toy store and let him get a toy of his choice...then put 30 spaces, and tell him, I know your so good you can do it!! and get a even bigger toy!!!
pugmama3
October 19, 2010
My goodness, I did not read your reply until after I posted mine and I just want to say Thank you for your educated and knowledgable response to the mother of the 3 year old. I am new here, as of today, Oct. 19, and feel like I have found a wonderful, caring, community of folks who like me, are searchng for help for themselves or their loved ones who pick. I hope to learn more and to feel less alone with this disorder. I have been a huge 12 step and group support advocate, having spent many years in AA and GA and other self help groups in my 55 yrs (Oct. 21). Often, what we can do together, we cannot do alone. If their were a pickers anonymous where I live, I would SO be there. Lol
pugmama3
October 19, 2010
It is unfortunate that so many Drs. are over rushed and under knowledged in many areas, esp. psychological issues. You are a good caring mother to want to help your young child early on instead of having a wait and see attitude, which for many is a way to not have to deal with the possibility of finding out that their child may have a "problem". I started picking at age 3, and for me, it was a way of self soothing, while living in a stressful environment. I had OCD tendencies from a very early age and struggled with depression starting at about age 3. Fast-forward many years-- I have a 24 yr old son, who struggles with depression, anxiety, OCD and was finally diagnosed at age 13 with Aspergers syndrome which is on the Autism spectrum. He is also a picker, but with him it did'nt start at such an early age. More like 12 or so, as his skin started breaking out. He also has sensitive skin, excema, and other skin rashes come and go. This has only intensified his picking. Enough about me and my son. I truly believe that "Knowledge is Power", and that we as parents often need to be our childrens advocates. You may want to look into having your child evaluated by a psychologist to see if there are any underlining, emotional issues going on. Also read up on OCD and even look into Aspergers if you have a concern. Go with your gut feeling and don't let a Dr. intimidate you if they say you are over reacting. Continue being the caring mother that you are. Good luck and let me know what you find out.

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