10yr picker new to site

i started when i was about 9-10 im about to turn 21 in november and i understand what you are going through. every single day sometimes for hours on end and while youre doing it youre kind of in zombie mode completely oblivious to everything around you until you look up at the clock and its no longer 10pm but 4 in the morning ur hands are bloody as well as most of your body from the seemingly endless punishment you put yourself through. further isolating yourself from everyone around you as you sit there and gaze in disgust at what youve done and even though you may realize why you do it it still doesnt change the fact that you are doing permanent damage to your body.

I am new to this site too. I am trying to get some help. Maybe sharing this problem with someone will help. Dont worry you are not alone. I have been picking for well over 10 years. I have been able to hide it to some point for all that time. But it is so bad right now I dont even want anyone to see me with makeup. I dont know what to do anymore.

I'm also new to this site, and I can't believe how many people there are that have this same obsession...for the longest time, I was sure that it was only me, that was this self destructive. Like so many people who have posted, I used to have perfect skin. I would get compliments on my face on a daily basis...and then when I turned 18, I started the picking...and for the last 7 years, this has been an ongoing battle. I have been through some lower times, and some better times, but when I'm stressed or overwhelmed, my first reaction is to pick at the little bumps that aren't even noticeable to anyone else except me. Then, of course, comes the redness, the inflammation, the pain, the peeling....And that's when the isolation starts...the calling in sick to work...the skipping of social gatherings....avoiding friends and family...the depression. I just can't do it anymore. This has to stop. I decided today that I'm gonna log every time I pick my face, and also write down how I feel afterward. I'm hoping that once I see it in writing, and know that I will be accountable to myself in writing, it will make everything that much more real, and it will influence change. My this challenge for me starts today so this is officially my DAY 1.

Tonight was a bad night... I had a pretty boring day and so I was at home doing nothing and that seems to be when it gets worse,.... My face got the worse of it now its red and spotty my arms were picked pretty bad too... So I already know ill have to either put makeup on them tmrw or wear a shirt with sleeves. The thing is I had a good day yesterday but its like when I don't pick or scratch for a day then when I catch myself looking.... Its like I get excited in a way bc it seems like there is more to mess with.. Do u guys understand what I mean? I'm not saying I'm happy about it but..... Relived in a way I guess?? I dunno.. Its hard to express stuff sine I've never really talked about it... I'm just mad at myself right now... Time to start the healing process on my skin... Lotion, witch hazel and anti inflammatory.... So lame..