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wildflower , 19 Feb 2010

One hour or One Day ... at a time

since it is so difficult a habit or compulsion to deal with i thought a place to celebrate achievements however small might be welcomed. i woke today and took off my bandages and immediately scratched the scab off one of my sores. i admonished myself immediately about not even being able to make it one minute into the day without picking. then i decided to see how long i could go despite being alone for a good while yet. i tied back my hair and after a wipe with just water applied some jojoba oil to my face and neck. i have been successful so far for about four hours using mind over matter to resist the skin sensations that urge me to explore various spots. i have not bandaged back up, nor have i put on any makeup. i have not given my spots more than a quick visual and managed to not attack anywhere despite spots that would normally have gotten a bit at least. gloves are at the ready should sensations deem them to be advisable to wear. i won't be alone long, now, but hope i won't have need to step out into the world which would require the need for a makeup application. oh the irony of healing being itchy!
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wildflower
February 28, 2010
thank you so much !! yes, indeed, let's cheer each other along. you can do it too. just keep on doing what is working and keep thinking about what new things will help. be proud of each passing hour. :)
wildflower
March 02, 2010
with february 24 being my first day of no picking and my first night with no bandages required, when i woke today it was with 6 days of no picking under my belt !! so far, so good today, and i will not pick tonite. i will not pick tonite. i will not pick tonite. i want to make it a whole week !!!
wildflower
March 05, 2010
having made it to DAY 10 i have now committed to the 40 day plan !! :):):)
wildflower
March 24, 2010
if the 40 day challenge seems too huge to consider, try this one. it's the minute, by minute - hour by hour - day by day challenge. share your successes no matter how small and if you get farther along, then consider switching to the 40 day challenge. that's what i did. i really surprised myself by beginning here with the hour by hour method.
cherrycolalola
March 29, 2010
K Im going minute by minute now. I have heard others suggest it, but I havent whole-heartledly tried to do this until right now. Im feeling a lot of pressure, so I figure the best thing I can do is to write and vent. Im visiting my mother after not seeing her for a very long time. ack! Theres always a lot of stress around my family and right now im trying hard not to pick, but my anxiety is high and I find myself doing it involuntarily. Im staying in the house where I grew up, and did the the worst of my picking. I just took a shower and being in the bathroom brought back a lot of old memories... of picking, of staring in the mirror for hours, of low self-esteem and panic and fights with my mother. I know I can get through this but Im scared Im going to pick as soon as I take off the face mask Im wearing now. I guess I will just go minute by minute, second by second. Im just hoping to make it through the night. I'll make sure to post in the morning, or maybe later tonight and tell of my progress. Maybe it will help me with accountability. Hope everyone is feeling stronger than I am right now. Even when things arent going well for me its really nice to know other people are having success
wildflower
March 29, 2010
my heart goes out to you and i hope i can send you strength through this message. i know how i'd feel in the scenario you're describing and that'd be feeling just as anxious as you are feeling. you are under tremendous anxious times indeed. minute by minute is exactly how you need to fight this one out. something made me get out of bed and check my messages. it's 5am and i checked this forum and found your post here. i'm glad i did if it helps you to know that someone is thinking of you and wishing you strength. i'll check here again in about 4 hrs hopefully to read that you're handling the situation with strength and determination. ((hugs)) to you along with my support and concern. know that others care. <3 <3 <3
cherrycolalola
April 01, 2010
thank you wildflower. that means a lot to me. I am so hating myself and the situation I've put myself in right now, so support and care from others is crucial. Hopefully I can get back into loving myself again. I hate to write this, but I failed that night. I was doing okay at first but somehow convinced myself(even with all my knowledge of how tricky this addiction is) that I could pick at one spot. It was a downward spiral from there. As bad as I feel writing that, I know that the fact I am admitting it is a positive step. Taking responsibility and admitting I cant control it is a big help. Right now Im struggling with feeling alienated. There are times when I accept that I have this problem. I am able to recognize that everyone has issues and this happens to be mine. But lately I've been feeling really guilty. I dont know why, but I keep thinking of an ex of mine. I keep comparing us and feeling freakish. I dont feel like my peers. Even my friends who have issues, and serious ones like drug addiction, seem different and far away sometimes. I desperately want to be as functional as many of my close friends, and like my ex. The jealousy wont help anything, I know, but Im still going in circles. I would just like to be productive and happy and be able to be alone with myself without hurting myself. It seems like one of the most basic things we deserve, to trust ourselves. But we cant, and sometimes it feels impossible and too sad to face this fact. Anyway Im trying to be more active in my recovery now, still going one minute at a time. Again thanks for your support

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