Perfectism. OCDness

I feel like every pore that is clogged or has stuff that can be squeezed out of it is better to be purged. I feel like I can justify popping (irrationally) because dermatologists DO perform extractions. I don't know how I'll ever be 100% comfortable or able to accept that a blackhead, for example, is better left alone so that the skin is unbroken. I also feel grotesquely gratified when I get a "good pop". I know every type of stuff that can come from squeezing zits (or non-zits) and get this rush when stuff comes out, like I didn't squeeze in vain. I see every pore as a potential, searching my face for any sign of something pick-able. I want this perfectionism - but only end up making things worse. Ugh!

Yes i really relate to that. I usually feel something in skin,triggerd by itch etc. Assume it must be a blackhead/or clogd pore that has to be removd. I prove myself rite it seems tho. Im trying to ignore a lot of the urges as its my mind. Gna stay clear of mirrors. Im going to try and start being more reasonable. Im gna stop looking so closly as no1 wuld notice tiny things. I have to let skin heal on its own. As long as i have a face clear of red marks,scars and scabs!

Yes i really relate to that. If we hav dun it time and time again. I spose its provd us that whatever we do we are never satisfied and that we wil never get the results we want. I usually feel something in skin,triggerd by itch etc. Assume it must be a blackhead/or clogd pore that has to be removd. I prove myself rite it seems tho. Im trying to ignore a lot of the urges as its my mind. Gna stay clear of mirrors. Im going to try and start being more reasonable. Im gna stop looking so closly as no1 wuld notice tiny things. I have to let skin heal on its own.

Every bump, ridge and split hair is an imperfection. I strive for smoothness and once I empty a pore or remove a split end, I've done something to fix myself. All centers around there is something wrong with me, even though I should accept myself for who I am. I just don't know how to.

Well, I just scratch the bumps on my skin. No philosophy to that. Picking my skin is not "fixing" it since it's making it look terrible. But I'm perfectionistic in some other areas of my life. That's not a bad thing though, at least thanks to that I do some things well enough. I am never satisfied with the results, but other people are so that's fine.

For me, scabs and bumps annoy me. I'd rather feel smooth skin. And scabs don't have any feeling, so it's like it doesn't belong on my skin and it feels like a piece of dirt or something. To have smooth skin is "perfect" for me. Yeah, I'm a perfectionist in some other ways in my life, and being a perfectionist IS NOT really a good thing. No human is perfect, so when you strive for perfection and nothing less, you're bound to fail.

I have a really bad body image anyway i think the picking is me trying to get rid of my imperfections if i feel a bump then i can't get it out of my head i become obbssesed and it will only leave my mind if i pick it, i want smooth skin and a perfect body but everytime i do these things to myself i pull myself further and further away from it.

I see that comments so many times. When it's summer; when I use t'shirts; when it call attention to others. But do you know what I really hate? When people are scared to ask but look so many times, and even don't want to touch me. Some people say that it hurts them because the scars just sting on them. Just who pass by this disease knows what this is. But one day we will be better (: We just have to believe.

The weird thing for me is that I am not the typical perfectionist and I am not OCD in the typical sense. Most people think of people with OCD and being clean and germophobic. I am not. My house is a mess, and I work with kids all day so a little baby spit up on my shirt doesn't bother me one bit! I also don't have to count things or do things over and over. I used to be an obsessive compulsive eater, which my dad is too, but once I made an effort to quit that, I stopped. It probably only took me a couple of weeks though I still don't eat perfectly normal, but it's not as obvious as it was before. I have weird rituals though. Like I always park in the same spot even though my boss told me I could park in her driveway. I also always go to the same exact spot when I get to work and I hate when someone else is sitting there. They put a tv down stairs, but I still watch tv in the den. Also, I will obsess over stuff once it gets in my head. Like I spend hours looking at wedding dresses because my friend is getting married and I was helping her look for a dress last week. My boyfriend is military and we will have to move in about a year and were discussing where to move so now I spend hours looking at the cost of houses and rentals in various areas. Sometimes I stay up until 5am just looking at houses. In October I took a friend to get a cat at the shelter and got obsessed with the shelter. I filled out forms to volunteer there but couldn't because I didn't have insurance, and I went there probably 2-3 days a week for the next couple of weeks. I made my boyfriend come along because I wanted a dog and made him play will all the dogs that I liked even though he didn't want a dog. We ended up getting a dog anyway. I love her and all, but she's so much work and I know I would not have gotten her if it wasn't for my OCD. I also made him pick out couches with me when we moved, he had a couch, but I didn't like it so I went to probably 10 furniture stores of the next few weeks then made him comes with me a buy new furniture. I always add these extra expenses that we don't need. I feel like such an awful person for forcing my boyfriend to do whatever I want, but if I don't get what I want then it's stuck in my head forever and I will just keep mentally shopping for it.