new and feeling blue but looking to kick this habit!

I’m new to this forum – i hoped someday to wake up and not bother about picking my face anymore but now i know, from reading these posts that its a real problem that is going to be very hard to ignore. I’m 39 years old and have been picking squeezing and gouging the skin on my face for as long as i remember prob 30 years. I did get a few spots from time to time but otherwise if i left it alone my skin would’ve been lovely. I say ‘would’ve’ as i’m not sure now if i can reverse the damage done now. I have scars (deep scars and surface scars), blemishes, marks and pigmentation on my skin and now some lines too just to make it worse! I googled this yesterday as i had been doing so well but yesterday morning the sun was very strong and showed up all kinds of things on my face when i looked in the mirror- in a trance like state spent approx 3 hrs at my face i felt so wretched afterwards i put on a facemask and eventually washed it off and tried to cover the damage with make-up and concealer. Lucky i didn’t have to go anywhere yesterday but wasted a whole day and felt so ashamed and low. I actually would use the word ‘depressed’ as i really wasn’t happy with myself at all. Today i’ve take a day off work as my skin is still sore and i feel i need to deal with this and get over myself. Hence writing this out. Its the first time i’ve written about my problem. Growing up we all did it in the family- 5 girls-i know some sisters do it still but i seem to be the worst. I’m the one with the scars. Although my other sisters have/had different emotional problems ranging from anorexia to alcoholism/depression. From this you’d think it was something that happened in the family. My parents were strict and hardworking – they fought alot and there was never a display of love or affection. Despite this me and my siblings (4 sis 2 bro) got on well and always had fun. I don’t know what to do – i’m hoping to conquer this myself. Once about 5 years ago i went to see a therapist. For me it was such a hard thing to do. When i got there i was left waiting in the waiting room unbeknown to the therapist. I was a nervous wreck by the time i went in. I cried all the way through the session and felt like a basket case basically. I would consider some sort of therapy again but cant seem to find anything that would be appropriate for this problem. From what i’ve read – cbt – sounds like what is needed. I’ve sabotaged relationships in the past because of my skin obsession and only lately feel like its happening again with my marriage. My husband is patient and sensible but i don’t expect him to put up with this. I suspect if he knew i did what i do(if you know what i mean) before we got married (although i did try to tell him) we might have not got hitched. You see other than this (skin picking) i am really nice, fun, good looking(under makeup)and am talented as a designer. I can do such great work with my hands but also sabotage too. There are times when i don’t go at my face and everything in life is fantastic. I’m gonna post this eventhough i know its a bit waffly but its getting a bit long and i need to put it out there anon and i’m going to save this in a folder, date it and write some more on a new page – good or bad- but really hoping to get control of this. Thanks for reading this – sorry its more of an outpouring than good writing! Lets try help each other x