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cecilia , 01 Feb 2011

Holding myself accountable starting... NOW!

Hi Everyone! I've been hopelessly addicted to picking since I can remember... and I'm now 20 and tired of wasting my youth destroying my skin and my self confidence. The two areas that are the worst for me are my back and face. I can't wear certain clothes, and some mornings I wish I didn't have to face the day. Well... you have all heard this before. I've decided to start, like a few other people around here, to not pick for the entire month of February. I'm nervous and I'm doubting that I can do it. But I want this so badly. I'm writing this in order to hold myself accountable. If anyone else is interested in trying this with me... maybe we could hold each other accountable? No one in my life knows about my problem... and I think I need support. But either way, let the challenge begin! Any tips? I'll try to file down my nails, but somehow that never seems to stop me... P.S. Has anyone seen Black Swan... where she scratches herself? Though I pick... not necessarily scratch... I really identified with it!
29 Answers
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monkeysocks21
February 02, 2011
Hey, I'm in a similar situation, starting over again today/tomorrow! Sometimes wearing an elastic band round your wrist and plucking it every time you get the urge helps, even though it's a bit odd! Telling someone you trust really helps too. For so many years it was my guilty secret, then a couple of weeks ago I told my fiance - it felt so good to let out all the stress! Somedays he asks 'how I'm doing' to kind of check up on me. Made my first real attempt to stop, and it seemed to help to some extent reporting back everyday - kind of motivates you to please them as well as yourself. Let me know how the first day goes - good luck! :)
cecilia
February 02, 2011
Hey! Thanks a lot of the advice and encouragement. I've heard of the elastic band idea and I want to try it... it seems like it could work, and would also help make me more aware of the urges. Today I found myself scanning my skin... but luckily I would realize and stop before the picking would start. I think a huge key is to stop touching my skin altogether and when it comes to my face, to stop looking in the mirror closely. When I get into the bathroom the first thing I do is to get up close to the mirror and look for flaws. I haven't done it today... though I always have the urge! I have a few more hours to go, but I think I'm going to make it through my first day without picking!! It's nice that you were able to tell your fiance... it takes a lot of courage. I don't know who I could trust enough... Anyway, let me know how the first day of the new attempt goes :)
monkeysocks21
February 02, 2011
Hey, congrats on the willpower! You're doing really well for your first day - I know the first time I tried to give up it nearly drove me crazy! Yea, same about the mirrors - I find I just have to look at them when I'm further away lol. As weird as it sounds, it helps to stay further back, as when you're up close you only focus on the few spots you're picking, but when you go further back you kind of literally 'see the picture' if you get what I mean lol! Ditto about scanning the skin as well - I read somewhere that it's a kind of perfectionist complex, where you feel you have to 'get everything'. Hope you manage to continue resisting on your first day, and even if you don't, even 'failed' attempts make you stronger for the next time you stop, that's what I've found anyway. In England it's only 11am, so still have 13 hours to go, but feeling strangely confident about it! I know how difficult it is to find that someone, and face up to confession, but I think it really helps. It's hard, I've been with my fiance for three and a half years now, and we usually tell each other everything, and he's always accepted me despite my skin (which is a good thing, but has allowed me to get away with it!). When I told him it was really difficult, but being able to communicate my problem, and actually describe it as a recognised OCD helped not just by confessing, but it also helped me to come to terms with it myself. He was even better about it than I thought, and just having someone I knew to talk about it helped as I no longer felt isolated because it was my 'shameful secret'. But even if you don't find anyone or don't feel confident enough yet to tell someone in person, you've always got this forum! Anyways, good luck with the rest of the day! :D
cecilia
February 03, 2011
Just wanted to say that your fiance sounds really great, and I appreciate you're encouragement on this forum too! :) I know exactly what you mean by standing back to get the full picture... maybe even just breaking the habit of going up close to the mirror will help. No scanning and no mirror-stalking! These are my goals for today!
nomore
February 02, 2011
i'm trying. honestly i don't know why i've done this to myself. i feel like i lock myself away because of it. i'm a pretty girl, but it's hard to see that when i'm distracted by my skin that i feel like i have ruined. there's only one way to make it better. i want to be happy. i want to open back up. day 2 of no picking i only wish it'd get better sooner
monkeysocks21
February 02, 2011
Hey, congrats for doing so well! I started again today at day 1 and have caved already, so for your first time you're doing well! I know it seems like it takes your skin a long time to heal when you're trying to quit, but even after just two or three days you tend to see a difference. Maybe investing in a really good acne/skin healing treatment would help too if you're stopping, as a treat for working so hard? I wish I knew why we did it myself to be honest, I can't remember whatever made me start in the first place. I think they say it can be hereditary, and I know my dad used to have it when he was a kid. Even if you don't know why you started, at least you know that you do and why you want to stop. As they say, 'Keep calm and carry on!'. Just hope I can learn from your example and stay pick free tomorrow :)
nomore
February 02, 2011
yes. i'm tired of feeling held back because of my skin. i have some rolling scars that i am really ashamed of, but they havent fully healed yet so i am hoping they will raise up.. just a little. i just want to feel beautiful and i am tired of feeling like i am wasting my youth because of this. good luck to you
monkeysocks21
February 02, 2011
I know everyone talks about the horrors of scars, and yes they are bad, but there's more treatments out there than ever to get rid of scars even. I used to dwell on the fact that I've already got scars so why bother stopping, but now I realise even they aren't the end of the world, and even scars heal (even if you have to get a bit of extra help! :) ). If, or I should be more positive and say when, I eventually stop, and get rid of all the current/new spots, I will one day treat myself to laaser surgery or something as a weird kind of celebration lol! And even if you do still struggle with the habit, you're beautiful anyway! As much as we struggle with it, they are only spots, and there is so much more to all our personalities that just bad spots/acne. Keep up the good work!
cecilia
February 03, 2011
I agree with what you say about the scars! It can be such an emotional burden to have them --- I always look jealously as people wearing back-less dresses or tanktops. But in the end, even scars are better than open wounds. And there's hope to get rid of them!
monkeysocks21
February 05, 2011
Hey how's it going with you? I have caved in (again!) and am worried I'm going back to my old ways, think it's because I've been stressed about stuff recently, and particularly putting more pressure on myself! REALLY need to give it a proper try again tomorrow so that my skin doesn't get as bad as it was. Got a photoshoot thing booked next week so REALLY need to do it this time! On the plus side though, I'm still using this good skin treatment I bought, so at least that's stopping any damage done by me :P And I sooooo wish I could wear sleeveless dresses and stuff - think I should make it my aim this year to finally get a bikini on in the summer! Hope you're still staying strong! :)
cecilia
February 03, 2011
How is everyone's mission going? It has been two days and I haven't picked!! Yesterday was only day 2 and I found myself scanning my skin more than the first day. I even tried to scratch at some things (this is how it starts... a scratch... and then a dig... etc. etc.) But today I think I can even see a difference in my skin and my confidence is rising... it's giving me extra resolve. I'll try to hold on to that to keep going! It's a long journey ahead... let day 3 begin!
rachel_e
February 03, 2011
Hi Cecilia. I'm on day 7 of my second attempt. You're positive attitude is great - I too feel that seeing a bit of an improvement in my skin gives me extra resolve. Good luck!
cecilia
February 04, 2011
Day 7 is great!! To me that is a long time! It's only day 3 but I haven't picked today. I caught myself unconsciously reaching for my back and feeling my face. I've been able to suppress the urges. I keep thinking about how positive it is making me feel, and I imagine myself with beautiful skin. We can do this!
snappyrg
February 03, 2011
I'm new to all this, but I love your idea of no picking during February. I'm 16, and have been picking ever since my first bit of acne started at age 13 or so, mostly on my face and my shoulders. I told myself I was going to stop for the new year and it didn't quite work. Like you, nobody in my life knows about my problem, and I try to pass it off as eczema or bad childhood chicken pox. But I hate having to lie all the time to my best friends and so I am determined to change. So far I have not picked during the month of February and I already feel better about myself and my scars and scabs are beginning to heal. So I will definitely try to participate with you for the rest of the month. I was so surprised that there were others like me out there, because looking around my school I seemed like the only one in the world. This site has already done so much for me and I've only known about it for a week. The group support on here is wonderful, and it was about time I held myself accountable for this problem.
cecilia
February 04, 2011
YES --- that's great! Do this with me! February 3rd and we're doing great. Every day counts. Hopefully before we know it, it will be March and we'll be feeling stronger (whether we have relapsed or not). Reporting back is really great... it can really help! I can't do it with anyone in my life... it's just too embarrassing and there is no one I can trust. But we have this place!
cecilia
February 05, 2011
Hey guys! It's getting harder... day 5 and I haven't picked my face, but I've started to explore my back a little bit. I haven't done anything serious, but I've started to scan it again and once in a while I'll indulge in a bump. My resolve is high but the difficulty is increasing. I want so badly to pick at something... to have a satisfying indulgence... I have even pictured it in my head. It's so sick that I do that! Anyway, I'll keep trucking along, but it's getting tough! I just have to keep thinking about beautiful skin :). How is anyone else doing?
fed-up
February 05, 2011
Ok, I know I'm joining the challenge late, but I'm in. I want to start some procedures to get rid of the scarring from over 20 years of picking, but have to let all the existing scars heal completely first. My goal is to have it done over my spring break this March. So I'm stepping up and taking on the challenge a day at a time. I pray we all find freedom from ourselves.
sun
February 06, 2011
hey everyone, i just saw this website today...so i came from the washroom an hour ago after picking my skin and taking my blackheads n whiteheads out n completely destroying my skin n self esteem...i have been doing this for a longgggggggg time now and i feel like i can not take this nemore...i live with my bf and i did not tell him abt this but he suspects smtgd wrong since sometimes i go in the washroom for hours n come back with a red face and spots on my face....okay so what happens is that everytime i go in the washroom i look at my face in the mirror and search each n every pore on my face n if there is even a little bit of dirt i start pressing my nails hard into my skin and cause scars! its like i know i will regret afterwards but still i do it anyways i do not care...and ive noticed everytime i am doing it i sort of even talk to myself while doing it ...i would start thinking abt perhaps an episode of friends i just watched just to keep my mind off skin picking while doing it...i cant explai it its wierd n right after im done i just wana lay in bed n never wake up! its not like i feel like im ugly or anything honestly i feel like i am beautiful but i dont know when im in stress or upset i suddenly have a v strong urge that i can not resist...mostly when theres an assignment deadline, fight wid bf, or family problems ( i have an axtremelyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy broken family), or any other problem...but i really need to stop and most imp need to talk to someone...i actually did not know this was a disease i just thought im being stubborn n crazy...i really wana stop...i wana make today the last day of picking!!! plz pray for me...i feel like im extremlely disturbed by this...any sort of comments will be appreciated...???
sho1234
February 06, 2011
Sun - i do the same thing. I understand completely.

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