I'm 50 & picked all my life...

It is so nice to finally be able to talk to somebody about this. I am 50 and have been picking at my cuticles since I was a teenager. I notice it more during stressful times such as holidays being around family, but I also pick without even thinking about it during movies, at church or at dinner with friends. I don't bite my nails but my cuticles at times can be horrible looking. I work a job that requires me to process paper work and sometimes there is blood on the paper from my cuticles. If my fingernails are short, I bite my cuticles or use scissors, clippers, paper clips or whatever is available. I have tried wearing bandaids with neosporin, sanding down cuticles with emory boards, hand lotion and wear gloves. They all help initially but then I pick anyway. My rationalization is that I like smooth and even looking fingers, no jagged edges and I have to "fix" it. Well, it is a compulsion that brings alot of embarrassment. I get really paranoid when someone glances down at my hands. If I go out to eat with friends I make sure to put bandaids on my thumbs and pointer fingers. (Those are the main 4 fingers I pick.) In the winter time I wear gloves and that helps. My fingers are scarred and they look like they were burned. When people ask I tell them that I have really dry cuticles for some reason and they get irritated when I pick them. I look forward to reading the posts. It makes me feel less crazy to know other people are also in my situation. Thanks for listening.