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ConnieR , 19 Mar 2011

New to this Forum

I've suffered with this disorder for a long time now, and I feel especially retched, and sick to my stomach tonight. I feel I really need help, and support, so I joined this forum. My husband and I aren't really doing well, I don't know what's happening to my marriage, all I know is that I keep crying. I picked on my skin so bad tonight, and now I look terrible. I don't want to be around my husband or anyone else for that matter. I almost feel panicked, like I'm having a nervous breakdown. I haven't felt this unmanageable in a very long time.My husband looks at porn, and he lost his erection twice with me tonight. My skin is oozing right now, and I picked it out of fear, anger, and frustration. Thanks for being here, and letting me share.
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waylander
March 20, 2011
i feel such sympathy for you, you could be describing my own life! I had a bad time like that, and it was when i was first diagnosed with depression and anxiety. Treatment has help me feel MUCH better, it hasn't helped the picking particularly, but i feel much more able to cope with it, and to put it into perspective. certainly my relationships have improved a lot. I still pick if he's in a bad mood, or jsut not in a great mood, but i'm beginning to work out why i do it, and instead i've been trying to go away from him and do something else i enjoy, reading a good book, for example, or knit, or garden - something with your hands so i can't pick on the sly! good luck to you, hope you're feeling better soon!
ConnieR
March 22, 2011
Hi Waylander, thank you for the response. I appreciate your suggestions, and I plan to practice what you said. I've been feeling pretty alone lately, mainly because I have some unhealthy friendships in my life, and I want more than anything to have healthy relationships with others. I want to feel like I can be myself around others, and not used, or judged. I want to feel love for myself, and also the life I am living. I just want o love my skin, and to treat it lovingly at all times. Not only do I have a hard time caring for myself, but I have a hard time caring for my home/things/environment all around. I don't know if it is a manifestation of overall self loathing or what, but I just want to show some care, and nurturing in my life as a whole. Thank you for being here,and listening, Waylander-it's good to get this off my chest.

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