Day 2 of 21- one day at a time

Hi Stacey! Thank you so much for your comment. CONGRATS on telling your fiance! It's not easy telling the person you love, not to mention scary and embarassing. I have to say, it was the best decision I could've ever made. It was like a huge weight had been lifted off my chest and heart. He has been incredibly supportive and nothing short of loving through all of this these past few days (I had JUST told him on Saturday.) He was more than happy and eager to dispose of the tweezers for me. I had four pairs of tweezers (3 of the regular kind and 1 set of the pointy kind.) That was the second best decision I made over the weekend. I've realized that it's damn near impossible for me to pick at my skin without having a set of tweezers at my immediate disposal. I also know telling him about my problem wasn't enough. If I hadn't handed over all my tweezers to him, I know that I'd probably be standing in front of the mirror right now turning my face into yet another bloody massacre. I also keep my nails VERY short. Not having long nails to pick with has also helped tremendously. It's sad to think that I can't own 1 pair of tweezers, or have nice long nails, without turning either one into a self-mutilating weapon. I've also been trying not to look too closely into mirrors and even avoiding them at all cost. I made a promise to him and to myself that I wouldn't wear ANY makeup so that my skin can breathe and heal. This has been EXTREMELY hard for me b/c I'm absolutely disgusted by what I see when I'm not wearing any makeup and I can't help but think that he must feel the same way when he looks at me. I've been using Cetaphil face wash, witch hazel, and mixing tea tree oil with 100% pure aloe vera gel to help speed up healing and to combat any bacteria-causing breakouts. The combination of all of these has really been helping my skin to heal and so far no new breakouts to obsess over. I was also told that anti-depressants would help with the picking but I'm not a fan of all the side-effects that come with taking them. My fiance called me earlier this morning and told me about an all herbal supplement that helps with depression and anxiety called St. John's Wort. Apparently it's been around for a really long time and has virtually no side-effects. He's supposed to be picking some up for me on his way home from work. He said you can find them at Walgreens. As far as microdermabrasion goes, I used to get them all the time, and with the right esthetician, they really do work wonders on your skin. I saw so much improvement and it would've been even better if I wasn't still picking on a regular basis. Each time old marks would start to fade, I would always create new ones for my esthetician to work on. I literally threw away thousands of dollars on microderm treatments b/c I wasn't ready or willing to give up picking. My skin would probably be flawless today if I would've just left it alone after receiving a multitude of series of microderm treatments over the years. This is why I am now opting for laser treatment. I figure if I see results sooner, then my hopes are that it will motivate me to just leave my skin alone PERMANENTLY! Now the only thing holding me back from getting that laser treatment is ME. So I HAVE to just keep doing what I'm doing and let my skin heal so that the specialists at the laser spa can move forward with my treatment. I hope I was able to help. We just need to stay focused and stay strong so that your microderm treatments and my laser treatments don't end up being for nothing. Please keep me posted. I'm anxious to hear all about your progress :)