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dropbydrop , 25 Apr 2011

So sick of this!10 day challenge-please join me??

Will we ever be free of this? Im at my wits end here today!! Have just had another major relapse and am so so angry and upset about it I could drive my hand thru the wall. Face is a bloody mess again!! I have been going for counselling for my skin picking every week for the last few months. I have spent hundreds of euro! Although it has been a great support and i was doing well enough for a few weeks only going at it every 3 days or so i feel that in the last 2 weeks I am pretty much back to where i started. Its just a constant cycle isnt it? I have lost count of the number of times I have told myself no more but every time without fail i relapse. Every single tiny pore on my face has been squeezed about 700 times at this stage i would say. I dont even get spots!! Its just those impurities way underneath that i can see. i cant leave them there, they have to come out...squeeze them out and watch almost in amazment, as the gunk snails itself out from deep in my skin, the more that comes out the better and then it almost justifies moving onto the next pore. And if nothing comes out well ill make damn sure the next one will have something! The visual and mental damage i am doing breaks my heart as i reckon otherwise i would be fairly good looking and confident. Im so tired of trying to stop and letting myself down. I have almost come to accept that i will never be entirely free of this, it will always be there. However, Cognitive Behavioural Therapy has taught me that at least i can have some control over it. Im not going to set myself a 30 day challenge cos its way too long and i have never gone more than 13 days. Im inclined to say 7 but im gonna push it to 10 days. How does that sound? For the next 10 days im going to FIGHT this so hard with every part of me. When the urge comes on im gonna kick and scream and cry if it helps to drag me away from that mirror. I will keep myself occupied in the evenings after work and i will do more exercise to help with my anxiety. I would really love if a few people could share their stories with me and join me on this 10 day challenge. The support i think will help us all. If we do manage it wouldnt it be great!!!! Its better than not trying isnt it?!! Come on join me and we'l fight this b***h together!! ps: a few little tips that have helped me....every time you pass or look in the mirror smile and say "i am beautifull the way i am" or "the urge is a lie, i will not be fooled".
34 Answers
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Yuuki
April 25, 2011
Oh god... your post almost made me cry, because I could have written it myself!! I feel for you so much. :( I've been struggling with picking at my face for about 15 years: http://www.skinpick.com/node/1602. I too was doing pretty well the last days, but I relapsed this morning. Now my face is swollen under the makeup, with 3 new medium-size lovely wounds that I'm afraid will scar. I'd like to punch the wall, I'm so upset with myself!! Why, why, why I'm apparently unable to STOP this damn vicious cicle?!? Yet I keep on trying, and failing, every time. I feel exhausted, but I'm not gonna give up. Never!! I'm going to beat this, one day. So I'm joining you in this 10 days challenge. Hang in there, we gotta stay strong!
dropbydrop
April 25, 2011
Yukki and startexas and others who i hope will join over the next few days, thanks guys so much for your reply. I was so happy to get answers so quickly. Its just goes to show how many people are suffering from this and how much people want to get better. So lets begin!!! 10 days guys, wer in this together! we can do it!!!!! Just 10 days!! no pressure :-)) Yukki its exactly how you say you keep on trying and failing every time. The thing is iv given up saying i will never do it again cos i know i will. For the moment im happy just to say im going to cut down MAJORLY. I think that puts alot less pressure on. God i really dont want to go to work tomorrow caked in make up with obvious red blotches under my skin!! Story of my life,iv done it so many time now but the thought of it !! lets see how we get on tomorrow and report back. Im going to do this!! Come on guys i know ye can do, lets fight!!
startexas
April 25, 2011
OKAY! I am so ready to be accountable- that is such another underlying issue with this whole mess. I cant be accountable about a "secret" or something people dont understand whatsoever...with the others on this forum I feel a sense of understanding about the skin-picking and therefore the idea of being accountable and 'just stopping' isnt taken so lightly. _______ And I am much more confortable with tens days :) . I have seen 30days on here too but when I am in the pits of despair about all this I can hardly think past ONE day of leaving the house and trying to be 'normal'- that would feel impossible. FIGHT THE URGE! Think about what you are thinking about, feeling, doing when you get the need to pick....identifying triggers has been a HUGE STEP for me. Even a day without being self-destructive is a success.... !!! (apologize for the double posts--???)
Yami
April 25, 2011
You can do it guys..... Keep fighting, you will win. Everytime you get back up after you fall down, that is a victory. There will be a day when you wake up and realize that the urge is in the past; you beat it. Love and light, Yami
matta
September 05, 2013
Thanks for making my family happy again, my father came back home and he can even take us out, something he never think of before! i wonder Dr egbenakheu are you god or what? amazing you make things happen! i will .Thank you very much. from Holland if you need his help contact email address Dr egbenakhuespelltimple@gmail.com
startexas
April 25, 2011
WOW! Like the other response said- you took the words right out of my mouth. I have had the worst relapse after years of "being good" and I am going blrrping nuts! Took down the mirrors- cut off my nails- seeing psych and therapist and of course dermatologist to manage my destruction :(. Was getting better, actually did some outings recently when I have been a shut in...now have red swollen spots from squeezing and a scraped off blister skin spot from where I worked skin too much--right in the middle of my face! AHHH! I want scream and wish I could slap some sense into myself! I hate when I let the "urge" take over because I know I am "pretty" without this garbage I do to myself, and all this does is drive up my anxiety and depression and throw my self esteem out the window. I can do 10 days! Have to see the derm tomorrow anyhow so it will be a good start... Going to file nails down more and paint them some ridiculous color so I can see them in the mirror. My derm doc (lucky to have a picker-sensitive professional) told me they were "deadly weapons" if you are a picker/scratcher and that I needed to keep them shorter if I was wanting to stop... FIGHT THE URGE
startexas
April 25, 2011
WOW! Like the other response said- you took the words right out of my mouth. I have had the worst relapse after years of "being good" and I am going blrrping nuts! Took down the mirrors- cut off my nails- seeing psych and therapist and of course dermatologist to manage my destruction :(. Was getting better, actually did some outings recently when I have been a shut in...now have red swollen spots from squeezing and a scraped off blister skin spot from where I worked skin too much--right in the middle of my face! AHHH! I want scream and wish I could slap some sense into myself! I hate when I let the "urge" take over because I know I am "pretty" without this garbage I do to myself, and all this does is drive up my anxiety and depression and throw my self esteem out the window. I can do 10 days! Have to see the derm tomorrow anyhow so it will be a good start... Going to file nails down more and paint them some ridiculous color so I can see them in the mirror. My derm doc (lucky to have a picker-sensitive professional) told me they were "deadly weapons" if you are a picker/scratcher and that I needed to keep them shorter if I was wanting to stop... FIGHT THE URGE
Mary_A
April 25, 2011
I’m in too! I do EXACTLY the same as you, and your description of the picking, gross as it was :) was so right on! I pick since high school, but especially the last three years (I’m 22 now, go to college) have been bad. I started the 30 days challenge this week, but yesterday (only day 5) I couldn’t resist the mirror... I was planning to go on with my challenge anyway, although I feel like I don’t have any strength left to fight. God, I’m so tired of all this... I feel the same like you guys right now: could hit myself, and almost throw up out of frustration... If only I never developed this terrible habit, I would be quite pretty as well. It’s the constant skin damage that ruins it. But then I read your message, and maybe it’s helpful to start at the same time with others, you know, to have the feeling that you’re not alone. And 10 days seems an achievable time. So dropbydrop, Yuuki and startexas, tomorrow day one? Count me in! three, two, one ... STOP!
scabpicker44
April 26, 2011
Im in! I hope that we can all do this! I think Im going to try cutting my nails pretty short and keeping them that way for the next ten days!
Yuuki
April 26, 2011
Day 1 today! No urges right now, so far so good... I'm looking slightly better already. How are you doing? By the way, something that's helping me a lot: vitamin C (pure ascorbic acid powder, half a teaspoon 3 times a day), zinc capsules and echinacea; sometimes vitamin A (from natural source, cod liver oil) I swear by these, they're the only supplements that clear my skin, avoid infections, promote healing and fade red-brown marks faster. :)
dropbydrop
April 26, 2011
hey Yuuki! Im glad you are doing well today. So far as you say. We all know it can jump in at any time so keep up the guard!! Well done! Im doing pretty well today also altho iv been so busy all day with work and viewing a new place to live that i really havnt had a chance to go near my face. Im home now with a washed face and about to head to bed...this is around the time i usually go at my skin...in fact about 90 per cent of the time it is right before i go to bed and am already really tired. Not tonight tho. i will literally get up in a minute walk to my bedroom turn the light off and go straight into bed!! thanks for the advice on the supplements. i might visit a health shop over the wkend and see what they have. Just to have that extra nourishment from inside might help me look and feel better. ok so day 1 Yuuki!! wev done it!!
dropbydrop
April 26, 2011
To my fellow fighters!!!...Startexas, Mary, Lisa, Scabpicker and Yuuki...How are we doing?? Day one done and dusted...if so well done! I nearly went at it there a while ago and i dont know how but i just said no to myself and legged it out of the bathroom!! kind of laughed at myself after! its just so easy to say just one or two and il stop but we all know it never happens like that...ONCE YOU START YOU CANT STOP (a bit like pringles hey?! :-)and you wont stop so dont even do one or two! Remember this, the release or pleasure you get from it is only temporary. our brain works in a way that makes immediate pleasure more intense and luring than any other. the immediate pleasure is so overpowering and great, that we dont care at the time about the consequences of the action (digust, low, depressed etc etc) even tho i think we would all agree that the aftermath feeling is far worse and goes on for much longer than any of the pleasure we got from it is worth. Also the times ye have ever gone to do it and then stopped yourselves... well have ye ever noticed that if you go away and do something else the feeling passes slightly and you realise hey i actually dont have that really intense urge anymore. i mean u may still have it a bit but its not as bad as it was an hour before. not like the tightness in you chest feeling. SO the feeling does pass. And the feeling is a BIG FAT DEVIL LIE anyway because it fools you into thinking "oh you want this so much, ur gonna love this" but then the bastard jeers at you after and leaves you feeling so low and hurt..... Im may sound weird when i say this but iv begun using devil imagery and i picture him there luring me in. I just love when i can say to him you know what go and piss off, im not interested...haha! anyway maybe this perspective on it might help ye. ok so im going to bed, straight to bed, not looking in the mirror and switching the light off immediately. Please let me know how ye are getting on tomorrow. I love the fact that we are all in this together, helping each other. Every day we dont do it we should be so so proud of ourselves. Its hard but where there is a will there is a way. night night xxx
startexas
April 29, 2011
logging in for my day 1-- went fairly well considering I was home all day- as anyone knows those are the worst times when you pass the bathroom a million times and must resisit going in to examine yourself. AHH! It was tough and I did pretty good but did notice after a stressful and anger inducing conversation with a family member on the phone I went to the bathroom mirror almost like a robot...just ready to :TRANCE OUT on picking. Luckily I caught myself, thought about what I was thinking and feeling--which sounds totally stupid that one should be completely unaware or not concious of what is going on with themselves but this PICK-WOUND YOURSELF behavior runs so deep in my brain and that is why I feel it is so hard to control and understand. It is also why I want to punch people in the face when they say "Why don't you JUST STOP?". Anyhow, luckily I only did some "maintenance" squeezes and I am sure most of you know what I mean- the usual tiny blackheads kinda stuff, I didnt break out and needles or do massive damage though I know any picking is damaging I can settlle for the little things in the nose corners and be done...._______________________Day 2 was staying with friends, helped alot because lack of privacy to do my DIRTY DEED didnt allow me to indulge. ___________Other things I am finding helpful- **keeping busy in any way possible **** keeping hands busy, I am not a knitter though I see that suggestion a lot , but I started doing house of cards with my daughter, it is frustrating as h3ll but time cosuming and takes concentration and gave me the TRANCE feeling which was unexpected***lego models, perler beads, embroidery (i stink at it but no one needs to see them), and cheap childrens sculpting clay (fun)***and getting rid of NAILS or even obssesively grooming nails while watching a show is also very relaxing (file, buff, paint) and looks pretty after instead of YUCK_______________NEW PRODUCT ALERT- Cerave-has AM and PM creme for face with niacinimide which has done wonders for my face already :). Also using Dr Miracle's toner from walmart that has active vitamins- feels great! I was dreading having terrible dark spots or red spots all summer. Where I live it is very hot and hiding in clothes and hats is torture! I am very fair and even cut bangs to hide my forehead massacre but this creme doesnt irritate, clog, or grease up my face and the niacinimide (no flush b vitamin) has been used to treat acne as Nia-Pads and well as treat skin discolorations (Ponds makes a B3 creme intended for face that is excellent for this that I am using to fade the scars on my legs)_______________As someone with very sensitive skin I would recommend trying this. My face peels and gets chemical burns with BP and even too much salicylic acid, epiduo totally made my skin worse and my derm said clindamycin gel and these other products were okay together. __________KEEP GOING!!!! THANKS DROPBYDROP_____ I am going to use that image of a devil luring me into the bathroom mirror to keep out!!! That is exactly how it feels, like a wicked temptation or evil spell that I cannot overcome. Everyone remind yourself : YOU ALWAYS FEEL SO MUCH WORSE AFTERWARD!! THE SATISFACTION OF PICKING NEVER EASES THE PAIN THAT FOLLOWS!!!!
sho1234
April 27, 2011
Dropbydrop- ive done exactly what uve done. I almost panic if i see like a blackhead, especiali if its one that cant easily come out. I cant just leave it there. Even though, ive never really had a proper noticable one. I know I cant do this for the rest of my life and ive gone over face sooo many times. Im gna have to start being reasonable, become free and not be so obsesive, not look in mirror and try and look at self as a whole more. By looking too close to mirror, it looks worse anyway for any1. I havent done it for a while. But u can do it 2. I know its hard hun, i wil support u x
sho1234
April 27, 2011
Dropbydrop- ive done exactly what uve done. I almost panic if i see like a blackhead, especiali if its one that cant easily come out. I cant just leave it there. Even though, ive never really had a proper noticable one. I know I cant do this for the rest of my life and ive gone over face sooo many times. Im gna have to start being reasonable, become free and not be so obsesive, not look in mirror and try and look at self as a whole more. By looking too close to mirror, it looks worse anyway for any1. I havent done it for a while. But u can do it 2. I know its hard hun, i wil support u x
Yuuki
April 28, 2011
Today it would have been my day 2, but I screwed up BADLY. This morning, when I woke up, I noticed I had developed a cyst-like pimple in my cheek. I tried to gently press with my fingertips but it was hard, so I decided not to mess with it and covered it with Clyndamicin gel. I had almost forgotten about it until a few minutes ago, when I say it was much more noticeable, red, shiny and with a huge white spot on top. I tried to resist the urge, I really did, but to no avail: in the end I squeezed it hard. What's worse, I had to dug it out with my tweezers and I even didn't manage to get all of it! -_- Now I'm left with a big wound on my cheek, that I'm pretty sure will leave a scar and maybe develop another cyst underneath. Tomorrow I should go shopping with my mother, then sunday I'm supposed to meet some friends of mine that I haven't seen in 2 years. Just the thought makes me wanna scream... right now I'd like to dig a hole underground and lay in it forever. :( I don't know what else to do, I swear. Maybe I won't be able to beat skin picking without a therapist's help, and maybe I should do something to help my skin to REALLY be blemish free. Otherwise stop picking would be too hard, same as pouring a drink to an alcoholist and tell him not to drink! I know I make it 100 times worse picking, but I also know many of my blemishes and cysts develop because of my hormones and pcos. That's why when I was on the pill my face was clear and perfect and I never picked at it!!! I don't want do give up, but challenges doesn't work for me I guess. I just hope you're doing better than me and I wish you GOOD LUCK! :)
dropbydrop
April 28, 2011
Aw Yuuki, im so sorry to hear that. Did u just squeeze one pore?..thats still only one!!! I totally understand how you feel tho. Its the story of my life. The worst part about the aftermath is the fact that as you say u have plans made and have to go do things in public that u wud normally be so looking forward to but now all of a sudden ur not. Its bizarre tho isnt it? How just bcos u have a red mark now on your cheek suddenly the next few days or however long it takes to heal will be a nightmare. Even tho i do the same, i hope u can see how totally irrational this thinking is. Yuuki u can still go shopping and meet up with ur friends and be the person that u are and should be!! Everytime u relapse u HAVE TO GET UP AND GO AGAIN!! Please say u will. I want to hear the fighter in you!! U are so done with this shit, u want to be free from it, dont let it bring u down, be strong and rise above it!!xx Maybe u could consider looking for a CBT therapist in your area. U need to ask alot of questions before choosing one tho. u may go see one for 2 sessions and realise no they dont get me. Someone who deals with anxiety disorders or OCD. It took me a while to find one, but i live in ireland so there wasnt much of a choice. i actually have a book here on finding a therapist and what qualifications they need to have and what u need to ask them etc...if u want more info let me know. It has helped me so much. My picking has halved at least and altho its not gone totally the last 2 weeks is the first time i actually have said to myself im gonna be rid of this. i never believed it before. I v been going to mine every week for about 4 months. sorry im harping on....anyway keep in touch. Try not to get down over it. The most important thing is that u are aware you have a problem and u want to stop. It might take a while but u will get rid of this with the right guidance. like my screen name "A JUG FILLS DROP BY DROP".XXX
Yuuki
April 29, 2011
Startexas and dropbydrop, THANK YOU! I mean it. If I had you near me I'd hug you for sure! How are you guys doing? Thanks for your support and precious advices. I know, it was just a pore and I shouldn't beat me so much for it. But the wound I caused was very deep, so now the resulting scab is big, dark and very noticeable, like impossible to conceal even caking on makeup. And it's right in the middle of my left cheek... totally visible. :( However I've decided to go shopping with my mother today and I tried my best to relax and have fun. It's been a nice day after all! Sunday I'll go and meet my friends as well. I think I'll just use some lame excuse, like I've had an allergy reaction to a cream or something like that. I hate lying, but it'll help me to feel more confident. I'm sure they'll believe me, plus they are good friends and haven't seen me in 2 years and a half: they simply won't care about my face! I'm always overreacting. Today I picked for a while at some clogged pores, but didn't really cause any damage. So I've decided my day 1 will start tomorrow. I'll try this challenge again, hopefully next week will be better. I really want to beat skin picking and I'm never gonna give up on this, no matter what. I chose "Yuuki" as my nickname because it means "courage" in japanese. So I'm gonna be brave! Take care and have a great weekend! XXX

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