beginning to feel better

Up until 2 years ago I've had clear skin. The majority of my family has good skin as well. I'm awfully pale but also have a lot of freckles. Two years ago, due to stress over a job I started getting little white bumps. Now as time went on I realized those were just pimples. But I picked and picked at them until little holes formed. I became totally obsessed and it was all I could see in the mirror. Eventually after 3 months and horrible scabs, I was forced to go to see a dermatologist who informed me I had gotten staph. It was easy to hide the real reason for this happening because I worked in a resident home where old people get sick all the time. She prescribed me heavy antibiotics and cream which I layered on every time I felt the urge to look in the mirror. As time went on however, it happened again after healing. I got staph 3 times because of my neurotic picking (I even used tweezers to pick my skin off). Eventually I was unable to afford the medication and appointments and tried to control my uneasiness. The scabs eventually went away for about 2 months until I broke out a little bit. I started using face masks at night which helped the breakouts. However, about 2 weeks ago it had dried out a part of my face and I picked off the dried skin. Now I have a red welt which I keep picking at. I don't understand my obsession and am just coming into terms with how serious this could get. I feel better after finding this forum but I don't know how to stop. It's like I wait for 3 days and when the scab is just beginning to look better, I pick it off "to see" if its not just a flake of skin with complete healed flesh underneath it (even though I know this will just make it worse.) I want to be able to be confident with myself and how I look and this is ripping me up! I feel like I constantly have to go run to the bathroom with several excuses in order to make sure I look ok. How selfish is that? Any responses would help...