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sarahw75 , 05 Aug 2011

I'm a mess.

I've been picking since i was in my early teens, i am now 36. I have BDD. My entire chest/neck and face are covered in white marks where i have picked and it's scarred. I can't wear any top lower than collar bone height. Right now on my face i have been picking constantly for the last 4 weeks. Picked so much today i have 4 actual holes in my face, big bright red holes. I also have eczema where i have put so many creams on my face in the past to get rid of the damage i have done, that practically anything brings me up in 'wet' eczema, the kinds that weeps all the time. I have a rather sad collection of tweezers and needles sat by a 3x mirror..... :( What do you use to put on your face after you've picked to try and heal the mess you've made?
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Realitysucks
August 05, 2011
Like most everyone, I have an array of over the counter items - from scar creams, lotions, oils, silicone gel, chemical peels etc. I have yet to find something that really makes a huge difference. I have found products like mederma that don't really heal anything, but will dry to fill in the holes so you can atleast cover them with make-up. Recently I found a product called dermablend which comes with a little spatula that you can fill in holes with, though to me it seems quite noticeable still, and I have yet to wear it out of the house, but it makes me feel better at home knowing my damage is covered up and my family doesnt seem to notice the new damages I have done. Not sure if these products really help or hinder healing, but they make me feel better momentarily. I have been looking into skin needling. I bought a derma roller and it seems to be working though of course, it takes a great deal of time to achieve positive effects if like me you have deep pitted scars. For me, time and air seem to be the best healing method. I find if I let my wounds dry out by themselves, it is the best thing to do. Once scabs form I try to keep them moist at night by using scar cream as to keep the scab there as long as possible. Seems to me, a scab is so much easier to deal with than a fresh pink new pitted scar :( Argh.....what are you currently using after you pick?
sarahw75
August 05, 2011
What am i 'not' using? I have bought every-single-cream going. From standard cuts and grazes creams, to over the counter benzyl peroxide creams, clearasil, Oxy, Panoxyl, TCP, Witch Hazel, Benadryl cream...i have a drawer FULL of things. I use tea-tree oil tonight, but that's burnt my skin, so not only do i have holes, but i have burn marks around the holes. There is NOTHING that i can plug them up with.... :( I have just seen online that Burts Bee's Herbal Blemish stick is looking quite good.
Realitysucks
August 05, 2011
I am glad I am not alone in this, Until I found this website I thought this was a problem for teens with acne. I never realize that there were other women my age struggling with the same self inflicted problems. If you are like me you google and look online for the newest best items that will be a magic cure only to get them, and use them, and think darn, another waste of money. I currently have one horrible open wound under my eye, no hiding that, Normally when I have problems on my cheek I just flip my hair in my face and cover it as best I can, but this one I am dealing with now, there is no hiding - though maybe if I buy some of those ridculous oversized sunglasses I have always hated. Argh :( I am trying to leave it alone right now, I always hear sun is bad for new scars/wounds etc but for me, the open air seems to atleast dry it out so I can try to cover it up before my family gets home. I bought some scar away, 100% silicone gel which is supposed to promote new tissue growth, seems like it may actually be working but time will tell. I wish I had a great product to recommend but alas like you, I have a whole drugstore in my bathroom cabinet, and nothing is a miracle cure. I live in California where the sun is alwasy shining, and have a family trip to the beach tomorrow - but we will see, I just want to stay inside in bed, in the dark for a few weeks. miserable feeling isn't it? Very thankful you are online today though, knowing I am not alone in this is comforting.
sarahw75
August 05, 2011
My biggest open wound (hole) is just under my left eye, and sadly my glasses aren't big enough to cover it. I do the same with my hair, and i even had a fringe (bangs) cut in to cover my forehead!!!!! The others are right in the middle of my cheek, too far in to cover with hair, on my nose, chin and jaw.... too many to cover. What make-up do you use? I find that it just makes them look all clogged up and disgusting, however, i usually go out with it looking like, because it's better than the red marks i have. I had silicon gel and that didn't do anything, plus to buy it here it costs a fortune. :(
Realitysucks
August 05, 2011
My left eye too lol Damn the left.My glasses arent big enough either :( I've been experimenting with all kinds of different make up, right now my fav powder concealer is loreal bare naturals, seems to do a great job mind you I am cheap and hate leaving the house so buy it online, usually ebay. The two shades I bought this week are too light and too dark respectively, but I do like the concealer it works. I have derma blend right now, it fills in the holes, but even with the concealer on top looks pretty caked in but is the best I found so far to fill in holes. I have a pretty bad scar on my right cheek closer to my lip, it's very depressed and I cant for the life of me find anything to cover that so like a weirdo I just keep my hair completely in my face when I can but it seems to slowly be healing. I use the derma blend to fill in the center where it is pitted the deepest and then just use the concealer on top. Have you found any make up that works? I stupidely bought derma-filler, cost $60 for a small jar, was supposed to fill in holes, plump skin etc - of course, it does neither. Boo. I would never have the money or confidence to go see a dermatologist like everyone suggests, God knows I'd go in wanting help for 4 or 5 scars I consider major and they'd point out another 3 dozen LOL I try to be positive but its hard living here in the land of perfect people, everywhere I go (when I rarely leave the house) I notice how everyone has beautiful clear, scar free skin. I feel like people are staring when I know they aren't. It just consumes me sometimes. I feel so bad for my hubby, he is so patient, he doesnt even mention it when I have a new crater or a gob of make up hiding a new scar, he doesnt complain when I cancel plans and avoid family functions like the plague. Sometimes, as much as I love him, I wish I was single so I could have my own pity party and not have to be seen by anyone. I'd really suggest looking in a derma roller, pretty cheap on ebay, and they do seem to work and the method behind it seems to make sense to me anyways.
sarahw75
August 05, 2011
I've tried all brands from low end to high end. I'm going to look for the L'Oreal one tomorrow. I have 30+ concealers, powders and foundations, i buy new ones every week, none cover the marks. I know what you mean about seeing other people with fabulous skin. I HATE going out anywhere with my boyfriend because i know he looks at other women and what's even worse is that all his exes have been stunners... :( It drives me mad that i do this to myself, i am my own worst enemy. He says that he doesn't notice them, but i know he does and he doesn't like it when i have a new hole on my face, not because he thinks i look hideous, but because of how it makes me feel. I walk with my head down everywhere, i can't look people in the eye... i must look like a right idiot. I will look for a derma roller in a sec... :)
Realitysucks
August 05, 2011
We are lucky to have such tolerant spouses and my hunny is the same, he says he doesnt even notice them, but I know he just says that to make me feel better. The bare natural concealer comes in a little container with a brush, I paid like $4 or $5 on ebay for it, not sure what it is in the store. It conceals really well, but god knows what I'll ever find for depressed scars. It amazes me they dont sell any kind of fillers seeing how many people actually have these problems. You'd think they would. Argh :( I hope your new ones heal up well and quickly too. It also drives me nuts that I do this too. I find my worst hours are after midnight, when I cant sleep and sneak off into the bathroom I tend to do the worst/most damage. Always looks worse in the morning. As for now, I think I'll go put on a new chemical peel mask I bought, which will probably make me 2 newest disasters look even worse, but for the 20mins that mask is on and I cant see them it'll be great hah lol :)
sarahw75
August 05, 2011
I'm picking all day. I have almost like 'sessions'. I'll go in initially to sort one out, then while i'm there i'll find something else...and something else, then i will stop. Have a break. And go back for session two to try and rectify what i've done. Have a break, and go back AGAIN! This goes on most of the day, until i am SO disgusted at the mess i've made, i will stop. But then it'll all start up again in the morning. Not only are the big red hole the problem, i do have crater holes too, but where i have picked in the summer, i have what almost looks like hyper-pigmentation. NOTHING covers that. I've tried all fake tans but it just won't cover the white scars. It's almost very similar to my mothers vitiligo, but mine are very obviously scar marks. I bought a £22 bottle of this http://www.philosophy.com/skincare-cleansers/microdelivery-exfoliating-wash-product thinking that because it was expensive, surely THAT would help my face....WRONG. Nothing. What do you wash your face in?
Realitysucks
August 06, 2011
Something different everyday, which is probably part of the problem LOL! I am always trying new things and hoping for the best, but seems no matter what I use like you I will get that one spot I just cant leave alone, which turns into 3hrs of staring in the mirror poking and pushing and creating more problems. Today I was pretty good, cover it up and leave it alone, but then inevitably comes the 5 oclock rush of OMG hubby is almost home I need to cover this up. I'll spend an hr trying different cover ups, different make-ups, concealers, until I decide it is hidden enough to be seen only to go downstairs, walk by a mirror and run back up, wash it off and start again. Surely that can't help either. I've found the most expensive things never work, ever. Boo! Teh one major issue I have now under my eye is driving me insane. I leave it alone, hoping the next time I glance in a mirror it will have magically healed itself, but nope...looks as bad as it did when I opened my eyes. Gonna go try to make it acceptable to go out in public. It's gotten pretty bad, I see women in Burksa and am envious - wish they were mandatory attire for all women that would make life a lot less stressful.
Realitysucks
August 06, 2011
I took a look online and found this, I just did it with the one crater that has been bothering me the most and it seems to work pretty good http://www.makeupandbeauty.ie/how-to-cover-an-indented-scar/

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