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skreed29 , 24 May 2012

my progress

my name is sarah, i live in southern indiana. im 18 years old and have been picking since i was about 10. i am mildly ocd, and have been literally since i can remember but didnt understand it when i was younger, looking back its very obvious though. i also have bdd(body dismorphic disorder) probably since about 7th grade, and i pick at my skin compulsively. right now i mostly pick at my face, even though at some points in the past i have picked at my back, chest, arms, legs, and pubic area. thankfully, these places are now healed for the most part and very nice looking. i have never felt close to my parents(who were divorced when i was 2, my brother was 5) or most of my family. i would say my closest relative is my older brother. he suffers with a lot of the same issues as me. i live with my boyfriend, who i have been with for a little more than 2 years, he tries to be supportive of my picking compulsion but i think its very hard to understand when you arent in the same boat. i consider myself to have a very beautiful body, and when my face isnt covered in spots and wounds and scars, its awfully cute too, but the picking is holding me back from feeling good about myself. i graduated highschool recently and am taking some time off (no work or school) to heal on the inside and on the outside. im going to post here everyday, maybe even more than once to just post my progress and thoughts about the day, or if i find something new and helpful. at the moment i am 3 days clean (: going on 4
328 Answers
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sickandtired87
July 17, 2012
That is ADORABLE!!!! What a sweet and genuine thing to say! :) And thank you so much! I am getting really excited! There is a bit of pre-wedding stress going on, and it has caused me to break out a little, but I haven't touched ANYTHING! My mom and sister are really trying hard to help which I really appreciate because neither one of them really understands and they get frustrated with me when I pick...but they are trying to be supportive and they've been keeping me busy and keeping my mind off picking!!!!! Only 4 more days until the wedding! I CAN DO THIS! And I have to give you the biggest thank you Sarah because there is NO WAY I could have come this far without you and your positive energy, encouragement, and support! Thank you so much from the bottom of my heart!!!!!! Also, my name is Julie:)
sickandtired87
July 17, 2012
OH! Andddd! Avocados! They are so rich in nutrients, and they are crammed with Vitamin E which is awesome for your skin, plus they contain the natural fats that your body needs!!!! I am so happy that you are so healthy, that is seriously amazing! :)
skreed29
July 17, 2012
yeah, i have heard avocados are great ! but dont know how to incorporate them into my diet.. how do you eat them ? i think they are kind of gross tasting but if there was a way to camoflauge the taste i would be all for it. i make a smoothie in the morning with bananas, blueberries, strawberries and then a big pile of spinach, it looks kind of gross but tastes just like fruit ! maybe i could try to put in half an avocado tomorrow ! im so glad i was helpful to you and im so so so excited and proud for you. i hope you keep posting even after your wedding !
sickandtired87
July 18, 2012
I definitely will be! I will be absent for a week or so starting tomorrow or Friday because of the wedding and then my honeymoon, but you can bet that I'll be back!!! :) Do you like tuna fish? I use avocado in my tuna instead of mayo and its actually pretty good! I've also had them in smoothies before and you can't really taste them!
skreed29
July 18, 2012
last night on my way home i picked up some avocados and then cut one in half and ate one side plain ! it wasnt even bad, i dont know why i thought i didnt like them! and then this morning i used the other half in my smoothie, and from what i can tell it just made it smoother ! haha, i like the buttery texture of avocado. also it made the smoothie a more appealing color (: and yes, i do like tuna. i have never eaten it with mayo because that is a scary food to me, haha. but maybe ill try the avocado thing ! tuna is good for your skin too ! it has a lot of selenium. i dont know what that does.. but its good and not found in too many other foods. i heard a long time ago that you can get your daily dose of selenium from eating 4 brazil nuts a day. so i eat 5 just to be safe (: also, ill miss you, but i hope you have the BEST wedding and honeymoon ever. you must be overflowing with excitement !
skreed29
July 17, 2012
this evening it got difficult to not pick. i started getting really anxious about my breakouts but i got through it (: and im proud of myself
x
July 23, 2012
Been reading your posts. Thank you for sharing. I am so proud and happy for you with the small but steady steps you are taking to regain full ownership of your life. Keep us posted!
skreed29
July 17, 2012
so this morning, i picked at 2 spots. im feeling a little guilty but i refuse to call it a relapse because after i picked those two spots i took every ounce of will power (plus some) that i had, and i walked away from the mirror. my face is broken out, but it is all part of the process, and i have to get through it this time. these next few days are going to be a hell of a challenge, but i cant focus on it ! i have to get so excited to heal that i lose the temptation to pick. i did my makeup, so i feel relatively safe now. it sucks that picking makes me scared of myself ): gonna get through it though !
skreed29
July 17, 2012
i like to look around in the forum and read about people and their stories even if they having nothing to do with my own experience. i will see a thread title and be like "how in the world could someone develop this compulsion ?" and when i click it, and then read about it.. i can totally completely relate. it scares me sometimes, like, what if i picked up one of these habits because i read about it and needed a distraction from my face... do you guys ever think like that ? i feel for everyone on here, so so much because it obviously takes every part of a persons mind, body, and soul to overcome a thing like what any of us are going through, and some people just cant do it(anyone with the determination can, some people just dont take it seriously enough). maybe because they dont realize how much effort it takes, or maybe because there are things in their life keeping them from being their own main priority. a lot of people these days seem to think that doctors and drugs are the only thing that can solve their problems, but i think thats so untrue. especially when its a problem like this. i know that it will be so much more fulfilling when i beat this on my own than it would be if i was on drugs to stop picking. drugs make you not yourself.
sickandtired87
July 18, 2012
I do this too. Reading about others struggles helps me to not feel so alone, even when it isn't quite the same situation. I feel for all these people too, but also I am sad for some of them because like you said, I don't think they take it seriously enough. I know I didn't at first...the very first time I posted on here I was looking for a quick fix that I knew didn't exist. And then for months I stayed away. Then one day I just decided that it was time to get serious and to really try. To stop looking for in the moment solutions and to start trying to solve the problem completely. It's been so hard, but the rewards have been so satisfying. I have been so resistant to drugs because my mother, father, and both my sisters are on drugs for anxiety or mood disorders, and I see what it does to them...and I don't like it. So, for now I am right there with you...going all natural. It might be harder and take longer, but we will beat this.
valentine
July 20, 2012
Hey skreed29, just jumping in with an alternate point of view: that this disorder is a symptom of or linked to minor and major depressive disorders that, research resoundingly indicates, are aided by the use of talk therapy and psychotropic medication. Speaking as someone 20 years your senior, I wish I could go back in time and have started therapy and medication earlier than I did because even though things like skin picking have persisted, many other aspects of my anxiety and depression have lessened. What I see from this experience is that veritable medical conditions--including chemical imbalances in the brain--don't necessarily improve through sheer wishing/will power/community support alone. This isn't to say that such tools are right for you, but I'd just hate for someone reading your post to conclude that therapy and meds are "taking the easy way out". All this stuff is hard work. I just advocate people looking into all the resources available to be able to make the most informed choice for them. More specifically: I would argue that the drugs I take make me myself again, whereas when I'm off them, I'm "not myself". Again, just an alternate point of view for our forum readers. Best of luck with your journey!
skreed29
July 20, 2012
i sincerely appreciate your concern ! and i completely agree that everyone needs to deal with and overcome this disorder in their own way. and getting professional help im sure has the potential to be a humongous help ! personally, though, i refuse to medicate, and anyone who asks for my advice or opinion will be encouraged to do the same. i have made great strides towards overcoming skin picking with nothing but my own will. i have been working on improving my lifestyle through my eating habits, excercise, and taking care of myself in natural and holistic ways. in no way do i see medicating to be taking any kind of easy way out, i know i probably dont have the information to say this, but i have always seen it as a temporary way out ! i dont want to rely on drugs for the rest of my life, i want to do this on my own and there is no doubt in my mind that i am going to !
skreed29
July 18, 2012
i love days when im cozy at home and its stormy and overcast outside. like today ! i just showered and exfoliated and it was seriously the most relieving, therapeutic exfoliate i have ever had ! i feel so much better, less anxious about my face. its almost the weekend ! and i learned that i like avocados !!! good good day so far
skreed29
July 19, 2012
today i did a little beginner yoga video that was on demand. i work out every single day and this was kind of hardcore for me. i liked it (: i hope i can convince myself to do some yoga everyday. it made me feel good.
skreed29
July 19, 2012
not feeling so great but getting by. when i dont pick for a while i feel so unclean because of whiteheads that i want to get the stuff out of so bad but i cant do that to myself. i know that if i keep it up, everything annoying will go away soon but this is so hard for me ): i feel so gross and dirty right now, its making me so anxious. i decided that every week i make it through with no picking sessions ( a spot or 2 is forgivable, but not a session), i get to reward myself with a meal. like a good hearty comfort food meal. its probably bad to bribe myself like that, and when i think too hard about it i hate to be compromising about what i put in my body... but its so hard not to pick, and i deserve it ! i think and hope it will help to have that kind of incentive.
LDC
July 21, 2012
This happens to me too. And it makes me think - maybe I'm no different from anyone else. But I know that it's all about control. Nearly everyone squeezes pimples, but I squeeze them more than I should. They hurt when theres stuff in them! And they don't heal for ages! But they look really bad when you squeeze them too much. It sounds like you take very good care of your body. Enjoy your comfort food reward!
skreed29
July 20, 2012
feeling pretty good (: i have been thinking really hard lately about the reasons why i HAVE to stop picking. and why im so excited to be healed. it helps (: im feeling optimistic.
skreed29
July 21, 2012
picked at 1 spot this morning and feeling so guilty for it but i need to forgive myself. i stopped myself, i should be proud ! this coming weekend is so important for me, i have got to get through this week with no picking so i can be as healed as possible. i take such good care of my body and i just want to look radiant and healthy ! i feel like i deserve it

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