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soembarrassed , 08 Aug 2012

Ruining my face

I am 40 almost 41 and for the last 3 years have been destroying my face. Any little bump i pick at until I am left with an open wound. These wounds used to heal fairly quickly now they take months. They start to heal and I CANT STAND THE SCAB OR FLAKES OF SKIN so of course I pick at those. I really need to stop this as now I am starting to get scars, which then I pick at thinking if I can get that little raised uneven skin picked off then problem solved - no more scar. That is not the case. You then have an open wound all over again that starts healing with scar and all. I cant tell you how many times I have called in to work with one excuse or another as I am too embarrassed to be seen. I have even gone to lunch and picked and called in some "family emergency" that I have to go take care of as not to return. I cant stand the feeling that there is a spot light on every little mark. I constantly watch people's eyes to see if they are looking at my marks. This is so ruining my life. I never want to go anywhere. Cancel plans all the time. My friends tell me I am being parinoid that you cant even tell there are marks on my face. Who do they think they are kidding? I have mirrors (which I look in at least 100 times a day) I can see them, so I know they can. I really dont know why I started doing this. The best I can figure is when I started seeing this guy and felt that I HAVE to have perfect skin or he would not be interested. I know this not to be the case as scabby marks or not he always wants to do something with me. I cant tell you how many times I have backed out of plans with him just so he wouldnt see the mess of my face. I am at a lost on what to do. How to stop. How to heal. I really dont want to spend the remainder of my life with band aids on my face at night trying in vane to heal the mess I have created. Any tricks you all have on healing these nasty marks, or stopping the urge to pick would be greatly appreciated and welcomed.
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soembarrassed
August 13, 2012
Well sorry to say the drive home was my downfall :( scratched all my hard work right off on one spot at least. I am so upset. Now flat skin again but open wound did not bleed but red and painful. So I don't know what to do now. Sudocrem...neosporin..both. I just don't know. Cover it..don' cover it. Go rollerbladding and fall on my face...lol
valentine
August 14, 2012
Soembarassed, we've all been where you are so believe me when I say that ThisToo Shall Pass. Even if you need to log in here every hour or every half hour all day long, see if you can give your skin a tiny increment of time to heal by posting about the struggle. So far, I'm finding it to be one of the most helpful tools. And we're all here for support whenever you need it!
MysteriousSunshine
August 14, 2012
Hi there! I give you tons of credit for going to work and keeping your head up. It certainly can be difficult. I find that after an extreme picking episode, the wounds heal in phases. One day they look tolerable the next day just the opposite. For the first 2-3 days after picking I try to leave the wound completely alone. No touching, just simple washing. On the third or fourth day, I run a wash cloth under warm water and then scrub my face with it. This removes the scabs. After (in the evening), I apply Neosporin and go to bed. This system seems to work quite well. I ALWAYS wear make-up. The wounds can be difficult to cover. If they are weeping I dab them with powder. Like you, I check it several times a day. It can be exhausting. All the more reason to try to refrain from picking! :) Well, day by day your skin will repair and get better. Take care.
soembarrassed
August 14, 2012
Ok...at work again looking a little better. Still dont want to be here looking like this. Did put on a little make up today... Foundation and Powder, no concelor as that was setting into the uneveness making it look worse..does not look the best...but yest was hard without any on. Looked like I had bug bites all over my face. Last night I put nothing on my spots before I went to bed. Washed my face, of course some dried skin came off, wish it would stop doing that! Lol makes it look more uneven, put on my glycolic acid cream. And lotion. This morning my spots where looking a little better, drying up, a little scabby looking but not as raised, little flatter. Still red. Feeling a little down, but not a bad as yest. Very hopeful today.
soembarrassed
August 14, 2012
UGH!!!! I need to go home...this is too hard being at work.
Krickster
August 14, 2012
I'm sure you look gorgeous =) We are our toughest critics and NO ONE thinks we look anywhere near as bad as WE think we do! Try to keep the scabs moist. It will make them heal much faster. Also, drink lots of OJ because vitamin C helps the healing process too =) Try to wear gloves in the car!! It sounds like that's when you have the hardest time. You wont be able to do much damage with fuzzy gloves over your fingers lol Good luck!!!
soembarrassed
August 14, 2012
thanks Krickster. I will have to try the gloves as in the car is my worst time, that and being alone at my house. I am healing. I know it is looking better. Out of the spots I had all but one are completely gone. The one left is being stubborn as that is the one I mess with more as it is the one I can see the easiest. It is not as raised, just a little bump. But dry and uneven, rought around the edges. I know if I just leave it alone it will go away. I was so hoping it would do so by my brothers wedding on Sunday. I am just not having much faith in that right now. I talk strong on here - but I cant even seem to follow my own advice.
soembarrassed
August 15, 2012
One of my picked sores is healing finally but is raised a little and white around the edges. It is about the size of a dime...is this bad...good? Have any of you had this happen?
soembarrassed
August 15, 2012
Well looking better today. Still red, not raw open skin anymore this is a plus. Still looks like crap with makeup on but after not going with any on Monday and having the worst day ever. I have to put just a little on. Everyone at work thought I had bug bites Monday...ha ha...so I will go with that. I only picked just a tiny bit yest. Just the flaky stuff that was hanging around. Did not pick at all last night....whoot whoot...Put on a little cream my doctor gave me, then some aloe vera at night. So three more days of work. Then I can go all Saturday with no makeup and hope that by Sunday it is way less noticeable. I have to go to my brothers wedding and sure dont want to go the way I am looking now. Especially since it is outside and everything looks 10 times worse outside. Also really want to yank these flourescent lights out from my office!! Sometimes I wish it was just dark all the time!!!
soembarrassed
August 15, 2012
Got a lunch date - special one - I really want to back out of it. But I am not - I am going to do this with a smile on my face and again with my head held high. Really it is only for an hour right - so I can get through this. I will get through this. I will not be embarrassed. I can and will do this. I want to spend the rest of my life with this guy...so he has got to take the good with the bad - right? Better find out now that he is disgusted with the way I look - instead of later. My skin is looking better - all of the six marks with the exception of 1 are not noticable. This one is being freakin stubborn and wouldn't you know it is is on my chin below my lips - so in a spot that everyone notices more.
soembarrassed
August 15, 2012
Lunch got cancelled not by me though....so of course I used that lunch hour to try and fix my spot more....we all know how that worked. Will I never learn? I cant say it looks worse - but it sure does not look better. Wish it would heal like the others did. Going to keep up with the aloe vera as that seems to be working better then neosporin.
soembarrassed
August 15, 2012
I am trying to be strong with you. Really I am. I am so embarrassed by this. If they weren't so dang red. :( I started out the week feeling optimistic and now it is Wednesday and not looking better. I just want to cry all the time. I don't know what to do anymore
goal orientated
August 16, 2012
X and a cuddle. Hope you feel better by the next day. Our skin changes every 24hours whereby our bodies are constantly fighting to look after us. X
soembarrassed
August 16, 2012
Day 1 - No picking - yes it is early yet but I am shooting for 30 days with no picking. So wish me luck. Calamine lotion really works. Takes away some of the redness and stops the itch. The itch is what gets me when they are healing as I find myself scratching which if hit just right tears some skin. This in turn has me picking to remove that little piece of skin that was hanging. So here I go! DAY 1
soembarrassed
August 16, 2012
Day 1 tmrw again...was very busy at work which was good as it kept my mind busy. Bad as I was so absorbed in what I was doing I scratched my face and hit that one area and immediately knew I nicked the scab. This sent me running to the bathroom and sure enough there hung a huge piece of skin. At this point I had to remove the rest of it. Then had to try to conceal it for the rest of the day and you all know how that works!!! I was having such a good day up until that point. So now I am home freshly washed face and a blobs of calamine potion on to relieve the pain..itch...and hopefully some of the redness.
thebeautifulugly
August 17, 2012
I know you can do it, it's all about willpower just imagine your life with good skin and imagine how happy you will be! Don't give in! :) also, you mentioned how you stare into the mirror 100 times a day DON'T DO THIS! This is about the absolute worst thing you can do, try to limit looking in the mirror and only do it if you absolutely have to (like to apply makeup, put in contacts, etc). When you do need to look in a mirror try to distance yourself a bit from it so you're not staring so close to marks and spots that you will feel a tendency to pick at. Good luck :) :)

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