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soembarrassed , 08 Aug 2012

Ruining my face

I am 40 almost 41 and for the last 3 years have been destroying my face. Any little bump i pick at until I am left with an open wound. These wounds used to heal fairly quickly now they take months. They start to heal and I CANT STAND THE SCAB OR FLAKES OF SKIN so of course I pick at those. I really need to stop this as now I am starting to get scars, which then I pick at thinking if I can get that little raised uneven skin picked off then problem solved - no more scar. That is not the case. You then have an open wound all over again that starts healing with scar and all. I cant tell you how many times I have called in to work with one excuse or another as I am too embarrassed to be seen. I have even gone to lunch and picked and called in some "family emergency" that I have to go take care of as not to return. I cant stand the feeling that there is a spot light on every little mark. I constantly watch people's eyes to see if they are looking at my marks. This is so ruining my life. I never want to go anywhere. Cancel plans all the time. My friends tell me I am being parinoid that you cant even tell there are marks on my face. Who do they think they are kidding? I have mirrors (which I look in at least 100 times a day) I can see them, so I know they can. I really dont know why I started doing this. The best I can figure is when I started seeing this guy and felt that I HAVE to have perfect skin or he would not be interested. I know this not to be the case as scabby marks or not he always wants to do something with me. I cant tell you how many times I have backed out of plans with him just so he wouldnt see the mess of my face. I am at a lost on what to do. How to stop. How to heal. I really dont want to spend the remainder of my life with band aids on my face at night trying in vane to heal the mess I have created. Any tricks you all have on healing these nasty marks, or stopping the urge to pick would be greatly appreciated and welcomed.
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Krickster
August 09, 2012
Hey! I'm in the exact same boat... I have bandaids all over my face right now in hopes to fix Monday's rampage. Anyway, I keep a pair of gloves on the bathroom sink and I wear them every time I go in there to prevent the picking. I usually only pick in the bathroom. If I DO pick, oatmeal really helps to soothe the skin. Mix it up with some water and honey. Ive also used apple cider vinegar and lemon juice in small doses. Smashing up an aspirin and mixing it with water to make a paste works nicely too! I think the oatmeal and aspirin are the best! Just wear gloves and stay on the forum =) That will hopefully help us both quit! Good luck!!
soembarrassed
August 09, 2012
Thanks. I was doing really good until I took a shower. The scabs started coming off and of course I could not just let them hang there....so rip...off comes skin. Now I am left with 2 really red spots. At least they are flat. Right now I have some calamine potion and neosporin covered with a bandwidth. Hopefully wont be so red in the morning as that is what bugs me the most...being so dang red as that is hard to cover. Wish I had enough nerve to go to work with a bandaid..but I do not. Good luck and if you need encouragement. Just post a reply and I will help you out. I am definitely going to try the gloves in the bathroom as that is where the picking all starts for me. Maybe I should get an outhouse with no mirror! Keep me posted. On your progress and what is helping. Oh I also think I am throwing out my 6 pairs. Of tweezers as they are an evil device for me to have.
Krickster
August 09, 2012
Get rid of those tweezers!! And calamine is awesome for the redness! Now that you mention it, I wish I had some! And as for going out with a bandaid on, I do it all the time lol Try it! I honestly feel so much better when I do. PLUS I can keep the neosporin on it all day to keep it moist and help heal it faster =) Good luck tonight! I'll let you know what my face looks like in the morning!
soembarrassed
August 10, 2012
Hey Krickster - Just checking in. How is it been going the last couple of days? I started to pick this morning - and made myself stop. Now I am looking forward to the weekend, no make up , just calamine and neosporin in hopes that i will be some what healed on Monday and not feel so down and embarrassed. I was really tempted to wear a bandaid to work today, but just could not get myself to do it.
Cant_Hide_31F
August 10, 2012
my favorite tweezers finally broke. thank god. i refuse to replace them... i do have them rigged to kind of work.... i need to throw them out!! i keep my nails short so i dont try to pick. best advice use a face steamer, cover the wounds with antibiotic cream and a band-aid. leave them on all night. remove the magnifier mirror, tweezers, and any other picking tool from your favorite place or better yet GIVE them to a trusted pal for safe keeping. we can do this. we can stop.
soembarrassed
August 11, 2012
I just got done picking a scabs....again...have given all 6 pairs of tweezers to my daughter...even the secret hidden pair. Now my plan is to put on neosporin...bandaid and leave it on all weekend. Even when i go to my friends tmrw and to visit my grandpa on sunday. That is going to be hard explaining the bandaida. But i want this to be healed by monday. I cant go through another week of work like this. I just cant. I was doing so good had not picked in a day and half...now back to a red open sore. I hate myself for doing this. I really need the support from you guys and this forum. I canceled my date for tonight again because i cant let him see me like this. I am to the point where i just dont want to do anything...sleep thats it. And the worst part is my son is here for a week to visit and it hurts me that he sees me like this and that i want to hide from him.
hope2heal
November 06, 2012
Hi, I made my first post yesterday (Picked for years but only just become aware of CSP). I'm looking for support so could really use a reply. I'm amazed to know there are other people going through similar stuff. I have got rid of my magnifier mirror. Need to ditch the sharp-ended tweezers too. Been telling myself I need them but I don't do I? I told a friend last night that I have dermatillomania, in an effort to promote honesty. Far from freaking out and making me feel embarrassed, she admitted to scratching in the bath and scratching her boyfriend! Seems we all have our little secrets. Thanks for reading. xo
SkinDeepFreak
August 10, 2012
Such a relief.! I am in the EXACT same position, except I don't wear band aids. But I will constantly put off plans because I am too embarrassed to be seen. Once my face clears.. In a day or a couple.. It will be ruined all over again.! I have scabs all over my face.:( I only pick my face when there is a mirror present. Although I also used to use the apple logo on the back of my iPhone, but I got a case that covered that up. But still I find myself using my phone to see the reflection of my face on the screen. I've tried so much... It's ruining my life. It lowers my confidence and self esteem, and worst of all it already managed to ruin my future. I'm only 15. But skin picking had been a problem for me since 7th grade- due to bullying, which is the cause of my picking. Before if became a huge problem, my picking that is, I was seen by a former miss America who wanted to be my modeling agent an encouraged me to take modeling lessons. So I did and I was ready to get my Comp. card done and boom.! The picking hit me. I keep hoping to go back and everyone my face gets better just when we are about to contact her again I ruin it again. I don't know whats wrong with me.!:((((
soembarrassed
August 11, 2012
Omg i do the same. Look at the reflection on my phone...black out my monitor at work....anything that has a reflection i am looking in it. Carry a little mirror which i look into a thousand times a day. I hate the bandaid as it is so embarrassing and draws more attention...but i dont like the redness either...makeup starts out good but by time i get to work it is settled into the scab and looks even worse. I want to just hid in a dark spot...no mirrors with my hands tied for a week so my face will heal. I cant tell you how many accidents i have almost been in as i am looking in the mirror. So depressed by this. I feel so ugly and am so unhappy.
SkinDeepFreak
August 11, 2012
Even after I stop I still find myself looking at my reflection to see how bad it is, and then it starts again. But I try not to because I figure, what does it matter I'd it's bad or not.. By looking it's not going to change what I look like right now. I feel like I'm in a constant battle with myself.
soembarrassed
August 11, 2012
Me too. I keep looking to see if there is improvement or worse yet if it has gotten worse. I actually went out today with a light dusting of powder. Went to a friends to pick beans. We where outside in the bright sunshine thought for sure he would say something...he didnt. I then came home washed my face and went to my moms with no makeuo...big steps today for me. My daughters aunt sarah stopped as i was leaving she is a nurse and has some perscription cortizone she is going to give me said it will help alot. We will see once i get it and try it.
MysteriousSunshine
August 11, 2012
I am 41 and your story is identical to mine. Up until I found this site, I thought that I was completely alone in this battle. I wish that I had a magical solution for you, but unfortunately I don't. All I can recommend is to try your best to have willpower and leave your skin alone. Keep busy and make time for exercise. Yoga and meditation has truly been extremely helpful for me. It really allows time to reflect and understand that a few pimples is not the end of the world. Try to remember that the aftermath of a picking session is almost always worse than leaving a pimple alone. Like you, I have missed several important events and time with loved ones. It can be devastating, but just pick yourself up, dust yourself off and know that tomorrow is a new day. One last thing that I can suggest is to tell someone about your condition. It could be a friend, your boyfriend or a physician. Once you do, it's a huge relief because you have someone that understands what's going on. Although, I have been dealing with this for about 20 years now (sad but true), I didn't tell anyone until last year. During my yearly medical exam, I told my phsician and it was like a huge weight was lifted off my shoulders. Over the years, there have been literally weeks and weeks of work time that I've missed. I too make up excuses and am actually astonished that I have remained employed over the years! Even a few weeks ago I came home at lunch and had a terrible session which resulted in missing that afternoon and the 3 following days. At least if my physician knows, I can confide in her. That part is comforting. I do want to offer you any support that I can provide. Wishing you a lovely evening and weekend ahead. Remember, you are a beautiful person no matter what! :)
soembarrassed
August 11, 2012
MysteriousSunshine...thanks so much for the encouragement. It literally brought me to tears. I just gave my daughter my 6 pairs of tweezers. Yes i have 6 pairs. I then turned right around and went to get them back. My daughter bless her heart absolutely refused. She knows how much this is destroying me, both physically and mentally. I have gone to my doctor and she was very supportive telling me we would work through this together. I have a very good friend at work who knows and she is very supportive. She will come take my mirror away and ask for any tweezers i may have. Also with her knowing stops me from calling in. I am trying calamine lotion for healing as i have read great reviews on this forum. I am really hoping this will speed up the healing. We will see. Have a good evening!
MysteriousSunshine
August 11, 2012
I am so glad to hear that you have some support. That is SO very important! Yes, calamine lotion has been suggested often on this site. For me, I found that it didn't provide any results. Over the years, I have tried endless lotions, potions, creams, cleansers, pills etc...etc... Prior to getting married 6 years ago I broke down and purchased the ProActiv line. These products did absolute wonders for my skin. But, over the years it seems that they are not as effective. So, recently I switched to the Neutrogena All in One scrub and cream. It works on past and present acne. This is truly the first product that has visibly reduced my blemishes. That is part of my issue, the acne never goes away on its own, so I resort to forcing it out. The All in One line shrinks the pimple and it disappears. I would recommend these products! :)
soembarrassed
August 11, 2012
Calamine made it look a little better...not as red...but not the results i was looking for. I am going to keep up with it today and tonight and see what tmrw brings. Of course i wake up with a new spot. So i stuck my tongue out at....lol patted on some bp and told it you will not win i will not pick you!! Lol my new stratagy...bully the spots away...lol
soembarrassed
August 12, 2012
Well yest. Was good did not pick at all. This morning not so. The healing scab really looked bad so i tried scratching it off with my nails as i have given my tweezers to my daughter. And let me tell you no amount of begging, threatening or pleading will get those tweezers back believe me i have tried. So i am head to visit my grandpa with a big ugly red scab on my face. Plus a car full of people wont this be fun :( work tmrw is going to be tough as it did not look this bad on friday. Well day 1 again
soembarrassed
August 13, 2012
Well I am at work. This is going to be rough. I did what I said - minimal makeup - so you can see the red. But you know what it really does not look that bad. It looks a ton worse when I pile on foundation and concelor Which in turn makes the scab more noticable. Everyone already know they are there so I would really rather the redness show through a little bit, then to have a shit load of stuff on to "try" to hid it only making it look worse. I am in for a looooonnnng 8 hours. But I am determined not to mess with my face as normally later in the day I try to "fix" "hide" it more. I am also determined to not look at it constantly, checking to see if it is gone, which it never is. (well I am trying - I have already checked 10 times since I have been to work. In a 25 min periord) lol I am beautiful!!! I am stronger than this!!!! I WILL BEAT THIS!!!! You all have a good day! Stay away from the mirrors. Dont touch your face - You can do it!!! We are all going to beat this together!!!! This is Day 1 - for me as I had a little - not bad - didnt do anymore damage - 3 min picking (yeap 3 min. not the normal 30 min+) moment before I went to bed. I slapped my hands - said wth are you doing, get out, get out now - I even listened to myself. Big step there! X0X0
soembarrassed
August 13, 2012
OMG just took my break - boy am I looking bad. :( Not only is my face red in spots the areas are raised with scabbing. I have not touched or messed with them. But I am not liking this at all. I feel like everyone is looking at me - like what heck but I am doing it. Only 6 more hours!!! Wish me luck at lunch - that is going to be hard!!!
soembarrassed
August 13, 2012
I am not doing well ladies and or gents . I did not mess with anything at lunch.....went to lunch with a friend from work....so that stopped and messing right there, but I am looking worse and worse. Nice big ol' scabs. I am going to have a really hard time tonight not ripping these suckers off. Please someone tell me how long does it take for a scab to go away on its own? I would not know as I never let them alone. Another day? 2? I may be able to hang in there for that much longer, but I am having my doubts. UGH I HATE THIS!!!!! I am also going to have to sit on one of my hands driving home, cuz I can just see my self scratching at everything on my 20 min. drive. Oh Boy.

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