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soembarrassed , 08 Aug 2012

Ruining my face

I am 40 almost 41 and for the last 3 years have been destroying my face. Any little bump i pick at until I am left with an open wound. These wounds used to heal fairly quickly now they take months. They start to heal and I CANT STAND THE SCAB OR FLAKES OF SKIN so of course I pick at those. I really need to stop this as now I am starting to get scars, which then I pick at thinking if I can get that little raised uneven skin picked off then problem solved - no more scar. That is not the case. You then have an open wound all over again that starts healing with scar and all. I cant tell you how many times I have called in to work with one excuse or another as I am too embarrassed to be seen. I have even gone to lunch and picked and called in some "family emergency" that I have to go take care of as not to return. I cant stand the feeling that there is a spot light on every little mark. I constantly watch people's eyes to see if they are looking at my marks. This is so ruining my life. I never want to go anywhere. Cancel plans all the time. My friends tell me I am being parinoid that you cant even tell there are marks on my face. Who do they think they are kidding? I have mirrors (which I look in at least 100 times a day) I can see them, so I know they can. I really dont know why I started doing this. The best I can figure is when I started seeing this guy and felt that I HAVE to have perfect skin or he would not be interested. I know this not to be the case as scabby marks or not he always wants to do something with me. I cant tell you how many times I have backed out of plans with him just so he wouldnt see the mess of my face. I am at a lost on what to do. How to stop. How to heal. I really dont want to spend the remainder of my life with band aids on my face at night trying in vane to heal the mess I have created. Any tricks you all have on healing these nasty marks, or stopping the urge to pick would be greatly appreciated and welcomed.
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IdleHands
August 19, 2012
I'm so happy to have found this! I had no idea that what I do to my poor face was a known disorder. I almost cried at the thought that I'm not just disgusting and weak. I go through ups and downs, but I've been going pretty hard for almost 4 years, now. Summer is the worst (I'm a teacher's aide), followed by the other breaks, and weekends. I've got picture day on Tuesday, and I'm thinking about asking to sit out. I've been using a game called SuperBetter (superbetter.com) to track my progress in other areas (like depression, and social anxiety). I was feeling so incapable of completing my "Epic Win" of letting my face clear up by picture day, that I stopped going on the site for almost a week. I finally changed my Epic Win, and reworded some of my "Power-Ups" to put less pressure on myself... and then I found this site! I feel so much more capable of breaking this habit, now that I can see it for what it really is! P.S. Watch the most recent talk by Jane McGonigal on TED.com, about a game that can add 10 years to your life. It chronicles her quest to make a game that can help people live longer (and happier) lives, while she battled the symptoms of her own traumatic brain injury.
soembarrassed
August 19, 2012
Well. I didnt feel to self concious at the wedding...just a little. Looked ok at least i did not have a big scab or open sore. Now i have to deal with the scar. :( want to pick at that to make it go away which i know will not help. But i feel i have to do something. If it isnt one.thing it is another. My sister is so much better at this than me. She had a spot and didnt have makeup on and it did not bother her what so ever. God i wish i could have her confidence.
wantalife39
August 19, 2012
Morning everyone, Michelle here. Just a few hours over 3 days clean of picking.!!!So, yesterday was a good day...spent the whole day from 9-6pm cleaning the shed so my mind was occupied. Didnt think to pick at all. I was very aware of not touching my face as my hands were covered in muck and that tends to be a weak spot for me. Sometimes I may not pick but I will rub my hands all over my face to check and in the meantime i have spread dirt everywhere, which seem to create them. I am also washing my hands whenever i have the NEED to pick and this gives me time to talk myself out of it. thats helping heaps. (only on the kitchen though not the bathroom!!) And I really believe the latex glove trick is the best. I use them every night and so far right till the time I go to bed. Its working really well so far. I cannot pick with these on. I have been watching the healing process of my skin, something I have NEVER done before. I had my big chin one and that has all but gone..a little redness but nothing bad. My nose has healed great. There is which I mentioned last time one of those white balls on my chin and I have watched it for 2.5 days now and I can see that it is naturally moving to the top of the skin. It is still about 3 layers deep so I am NOT going to dig for it. It is so small maybe a pin head certainly not worth ripping my face apart. Everything on my face is healed. I have a small amount of scarring however am going to leave it and see what the healing process does. I am using Dove Soap and my hands to wash makeup etc off, then Foban antibiotic cream after the shower then dr haushka face cream. Thats it...nothing else at all. I spent many many many hours in the mirror picking so since i have stopped picking I have started to put tanning lotion on and am really happy with the results. (over my whole body) When I do something good for myself I wanna keep doing good things but when Im picking and scratching I feel bad and worthless and dont do anything good for myself. I do the no eating thing to feel like shit, look like shit then start picking again!!!!. I can tell you that that doesnt work!!! On a lighter note.......my partner of 13 years suggested to me that I could change my picking addiction for a sex addiction and he will be my number one support person!!!!! OOOOHHHHH PLEASE hahaha...gotta laugh. XX Hi soembarressed......thinking of you!! Keep up the good work... chat again soon.
ar9802000
August 31, 2012
Annie here. Totally get it. I am 52 and started picking scans when I was about 8. It then progresses to picking zits and blackheads on my face and back. I have some permanent scars on my face from picking and still get sits on my face. I really relate to you and this blog. I am so ready to quit - I have two huge scabs on my face right. And with fresh scars. I've had it! I have another addiction which I have control over - I'm trying to use the same philosophy on my face. I'm starting today.
soembarrassed
August 19, 2012
I want to thank everyone on this site. You are very helpful and supportive and i could not get through these tough days without you all! And i hope i am as helpful to you all as you are to me! THANK YOU!!!!
soembarrassed
August 20, 2012
Day 4 no picking - this dang scar itches though - so I have itched just a little bit but no removing of skin - which is good. Just wish it would stop itching....UGH....driving me crazy. Bad enough it is there but it has to itch as well to remind me that it is there. Geez like I could forget...lol
wantalife39
August 20, 2012
Oh the itching is just the zit saying "Thank god you left me alone for five minutes so that I can heal."......Your doing very good. Keep it up. I have a white ball on my chin and has been for 4.2 days!! I think Im gonna name it if its still there tonight. :)
soembarrassed
August 20, 2012
Thanks. I hope it continues to heal. It is now a slight indented wrinkly area on my face. Makeup kind of sinks in so i cant even cover it. So annoying!! Good job at leaving your little face friend alone. Keep it up dont mess with it!!! Hands off!! Maybe we should all name these pesky things as we dont pick at our friends. Lol I am going to name mine "pucker" as that is what it looks like..puckered skin!!! Lol
goal orientated
August 21, 2012
Bongo. That's the name given to any massive bump in my household, which no make up can ever conceal. I don't even know why it was named that many yrs ago. Haha I love the statement that we never pink on our friends. I guess we see these pesky things as enimies so beat them up... not that we would dare do that to a person. Yet we treat ourselves more harsh than an enemy when it comes to respecting the skin.
soembarrassed
August 21, 2012
Day 5 - no picking!!! 25 more days to reach my 30 day goal of no picking!!!!
goal orientated
August 22, 2012
That's okay. It is what makes us human, we swing both ways. Everyone can see you're trying so hard and you have already hit goals that I would be on a high about, even though you're demanding tougher goals from yourself. Thirty days Melissa, is acievable only by you, because it was set by you. I am still aiming for two days lol. Rubbish I know but in comparison, see how far you have come? So smile over aiming higher because we all set ourselves attainable goals. No pressure. You are encharge and you can even change it as you want. Your feet look okay without the pedicure for another month. Your face is what everyone sees so for now simply take one day at a time. Or use a calander where you can rip off each date to make you feel that day is behind u (if slipped up) or a countdown of days to tear off for satisfaction. Number 1 being the final day of 30. X
soembarrassed
August 22, 2012
Day 6 - no picking - but I did do a little scratching at this dang scar. UGH. I hate how uneven it is and keep thinking if I just scratch/pick it a little it will be more even. Looks like a dang dried up prune on my face. Pucker (thats what I call it) just needs to go away, even out or something
soembarrassed
August 24, 2012
New Day - Day 8 no picking - scratching yes - but picking no - wishing all of you a wonderful day - pick free!! And if you faulter sending hugs your way!!!

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