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soembarrassed , 08 Aug 2012

Ruining my face

I am 40 almost 41 and for the last 3 years have been destroying my face. Any little bump i pick at until I am left with an open wound. These wounds used to heal fairly quickly now they take months. They start to heal and I CANT STAND THE SCAB OR FLAKES OF SKIN so of course I pick at those. I really need to stop this as now I am starting to get scars, which then I pick at thinking if I can get that little raised uneven skin picked off then problem solved - no more scar. That is not the case. You then have an open wound all over again that starts healing with scar and all. I cant tell you how many times I have called in to work with one excuse or another as I am too embarrassed to be seen. I have even gone to lunch and picked and called in some "family emergency" that I have to go take care of as not to return. I cant stand the feeling that there is a spot light on every little mark. I constantly watch people's eyes to see if they are looking at my marks. This is so ruining my life. I never want to go anywhere. Cancel plans all the time. My friends tell me I am being parinoid that you cant even tell there are marks on my face. Who do they think they are kidding? I have mirrors (which I look in at least 100 times a day) I can see them, so I know they can. I really dont know why I started doing this. The best I can figure is when I started seeing this guy and felt that I HAVE to have perfect skin or he would not be interested. I know this not to be the case as scabby marks or not he always wants to do something with me. I cant tell you how many times I have backed out of plans with him just so he wouldnt see the mess of my face. I am at a lost on what to do. How to stop. How to heal. I really dont want to spend the remainder of my life with band aids on my face at night trying in vane to heal the mess I have created. Any tricks you all have on healing these nasty marks, or stopping the urge to pick would be greatly appreciated and welcomed.
289 Answers
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soembarrassed
October 15, 2012
At work - feel crappy. This spot does not look as bad as last week - but is still red uneven and very noticable to me. I feel like everyone is looking at it. I just want to go home and hide. Please can this just be over :(
SpottyFace
October 15, 2012
Hey soembarrassed, I think we had the exact same day at work...Most of my spots look better, except one on my nose. It's almost like it won't heal and I don't get it. It was pretty bad today and I ended up just going with calamine on my nose instead of attempting to cover it with makeup. As luck would have it we had a surprise meeting today and we all had to go around the room and introduce ourselves to some new employees who started today...talk about embarrasing, I know they were all looking at my nose with this big pink dab of calamine. I just wanted to come home and hide on my couch...I know exactly how you feel!!
soembarrassed
October 16, 2012
My new outlook....screw everyone. So I have a couple of red spots on my face...oh well. I just put a little moisturizer on and some Mary Kay loose foundation. You can see the red spot...well I can....But you know what it looks better then trying to put on concealor. If it bothers people at work...then they just need to not talk to me. I cant live my life worrying about what others think anymore...It is making my insane. I just keep telling myself "look by this time next week you wont even be able to tell" So one day at a time. My friends and family are all that matter and truthfully they dont care. My daughter says all the time "mom geez you cant even see anything" She is 9 and trust me if it looked as bad as I think it looks she would tell me. LOL So hang in there Spottyface we will get through this. We made it through yesterday...hard as it was but noone is going to think back to that day and remember that our faces where a mess...Have a good day today!!!!
newperspective
October 16, 2012
BareMinerals Matte Foundation and BareMinerals Original Mineral Veil with SPF 25... I absolutely LOVE this stuff. It has definitely kept my oily skin at bay and makes my skin look flawless :)
staypositive527
October 18, 2012
i use clinique transparency.. i need number 4 as i have olive skin. it doesn't seem to make me break out (i also only brush it on to my cheeks to even me out) plus then i use a stick concealer by nuetrogena (also comes in different shades).. the trick for me is to brush the powder on first over a light weight lotion so i don't look dry. then i apply concealer over the spots that bug me.. but lightly! the more you cake on the worse it looks! today i even put a light layer of neosporin over a flake of skin then the concealer (powder was already on!) and it looked good! up close you could see the flake.. but i just keep reminding myself in time it will peel off on its own with new healed skin underneath!
goal orientated
October 18, 2012
Yes this particular spot can 'be over' by this time next week, if there is a focus on treating acne insteadddd. I managed it with Clearasil 4 hour treatment. It takes down the redness and the next day large spots look less aggressive, and smaller ones honestly die down. So there is nothing left to pick. Give it a go... Don't feel it is solely for teenagers, as I made that mistake for yrs. Hope it'd make you feel more confident. Also, alter your hairstle on the day of a scratch, as I find people notice me for that rather than any acne/scratching on my worst days. If it is on your forehead, wearing your fringe slanted helps to cover it for a few days.
Malynda
October 19, 2012
Hello, I just joined this group. I am African American, 30 years old. My skin picking has gotten so bad in the last year! So I am ready to quit taking it literally hours at a time. I get into picking mode really bad at night with tweezers. So now I have black marks all over my face : (( I started using Proactiv a couple months ago but the cleanser has the little crystals in it and I don't think that's good for my healing scabs or open wounds from picking, am I right? Should I be using a cream cleanser to avoid the scratching of my scabs? Also with proactiv my skin around my mouth and eyes have gotten dry. Can anyone recommend good products to use while my skin is healing and a good moisturizer? Oh and I have to tackle the dark spots! I have the proactiv dark slot corrector but I'm thinking it won't work until have let my skin heal first because I have seen no results. It's been working as far as breakouts so that's good I haven't had any pimples lately.
newperspective
October 19, 2012
Hello Malynda and welcome! I too used to pick with tweezers. I ended up throwing them away a year ago and still do not own a pair of tweezers to this day (that was my first BIG step toward recovery). Some great products you can use to help heal your skin and continue to still prevent breakouts are: Cetaphil Antibacterial Cleansing Bar; T.N. Dickinson's Witch Hazel; and Calamine Lotion. I used to use Proactive but it caused a lot of damage to my skin and it became irritated and inflamed. Might I suggest you try Wal-Mart's Equate version of Proactive. It's very effective and not as abrasive. Also, it's very inexpensive (around $5 for each item and $12 for the entire kit). I only purchase the Purifying Cleanser and Repairing Lotion (I prefer to use Witch Hazel as my toner). Please check out my forum topic, "wounds are HEALING and scars are FADING" http://www.skinpick.com/node/2328 to learn more. I want to wish you the best of luck on your road to recovery and we are all here to listen if you need us. :)
SpottyFace
October 25, 2012
Hi Malynda and welcome to the group! I think you are definitely right to allow your skin to heal before you start using anything that is very harsh! The calamine lotion, witchhazel, and cetaphil as mentioned by Newperspective are fabulous and gentle products that will help you. Also, I don't know if you have health insurance, but my doctor just prescribed me Benzaclenze (actually I think its called Benzaclin...I just say benzaclenze because it rhymes..lol) It's very strong, and I would not want to smear it across my whole face. However, if you have a few spots that need a little extra something, it might be something to try. Good luck to you and I hope that you find some comfort here!
soembarrassed
October 23, 2012
Ok soooo - my skin was looking good. Not great but getting there. I decided to use a mud face mask. Skin look great afterward. But about 2 hours later I got these little inflammed bumps!!! WTH!!! I put drying cream on them and all but 1 went away. Now this morning I being me absolutly could not leave this one spot like it was. We are talking a little bump no bigger than a pen tip. The thing is that it was raised. So I scratched it off. Does not look to bad. Trust me I have made worse spots. But it is still there and driving me insane. I wish I never would have used the mud mask. I thought it was supposed to be good for your skin!!!! I know shut the hell up. LOL. I have had spots that I created that are about the size of a quarter. Seriously and here I am stressing over this little effin thing. But that is what I do!!! I really hope I dont make it into a open raw sore.
SpottyFace
October 25, 2012
Hey Girl, Don't beat yourself up over it..it's okay! Just try to remember how you felt the last time you turned a nothing spot into a major sore..and that "why did I DO THAT" feeling that comes with it..We've all been there, and I know it's hard. I know it's been talked about alot on this forum, but calamine really will help the swelling go down..and fast! Also, don't look at it! I know its hard, but if you just make yourself walk away from the mirror, it might be less tempting to start picking. Just wondering, but what did you do for the sores that you said were as big as a quarter? I have one like that on the right side of my face. It's not as bad as it was, but it looks like my skin is a little caved-in. ..I really hope it fills back out at least a little bit. Good luck with your spot! Keep me posted!
soembarrassed
October 27, 2012
I too have a caved in uneven mark. That is a result from the quarter size wound i created. It has been there for 5 months. Some days you can barely see it. Other days like today it is red and really noticable. I am trying not to let it bother me...but it is a constant reminder. In the sun light it looks ok but in darker light it is really noticable. How is yours looking spottyface? Hope it is healing up nicely.
SpottyFace
October 27, 2012
Hey There, I too created this nice quarter sized sore on my face, along with all the other ones. I have several sores on my face (not all as big though) but aside from those, my skin is smooth, clear, with an even tone. If it weren't for this awful thing I do to myself, I'd have really good skin...makes me so mad..grrr...Maybe after they've all healed I'll go get a skin peel or something to try and help fade the spots. They are still scabby right now (but I'd rather have the scabs as opposed to the open wounds that they once were). How is your mudmask spot healing up?
soembarrassed
October 27, 2012
The mud mask spot is pretty much gone! Just a very faint pink spot. My skin ia doing ok. Have not created anymore open sores...yeah. The scar from my last wound stops mw from messing with my skin. I dont like having this scar so I sure as heck dont want to create anymore
soembarrassed
October 28, 2012
Well it is bad enough i was left with a scar. Then i get a stupid whitehead on the scar that i scratched off...soooooo....back to calamine lotion...sigh and another day at work tmrw being in shame
soembarrassed
October 28, 2012
I will not let this get me down.... I will not let this get me down.... I will not let this get me down..... I will not let this get me down. ... I will not let this get me down.... I will not let this get me down..... I will not let this get me down.... I will not let this get me down..... I will not let this get me down..... ..... I will not let this get me down..... I will not let this get me down...
SpottyFace
October 29, 2012
Hey Sweetheart! I'll be thinking about you tomorrow! If it helps at all, I'm right there with you in the same boat. I've even started looking into working from home because of this. If I could just stay home for a while and let myself heal in private without having to scrub off the calamine and try to figure out the best way to conceal all of it..it doesn't help the healing process..plus being all stressed out about having people stare at me makes it even worse. Its so debilitating!! I'd really like working from home, I was thinking about making a new post to see if anyone else on this site works from home. Good luck tomorrow and just remember you have lots of support!!

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