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soembarrassed , 08 Aug 2012

Ruining my face

I am 40 almost 41 and for the last 3 years have been destroying my face. Any little bump i pick at until I am left with an open wound. These wounds used to heal fairly quickly now they take months. They start to heal and I CANT STAND THE SCAB OR FLAKES OF SKIN so of course I pick at those. I really need to stop this as now I am starting to get scars, which then I pick at thinking if I can get that little raised uneven skin picked off then problem solved - no more scar. That is not the case. You then have an open wound all over again that starts healing with scar and all. I cant tell you how many times I have called in to work with one excuse or another as I am too embarrassed to be seen. I have even gone to lunch and picked and called in some "family emergency" that I have to go take care of as not to return. I cant stand the feeling that there is a spot light on every little mark. I constantly watch people's eyes to see if they are looking at my marks. This is so ruining my life. I never want to go anywhere. Cancel plans all the time. My friends tell me I am being parinoid that you cant even tell there are marks on my face. Who do they think they are kidding? I have mirrors (which I look in at least 100 times a day) I can see them, so I know they can. I really dont know why I started doing this. The best I can figure is when I started seeing this guy and felt that I HAVE to have perfect skin or he would not be interested. I know this not to be the case as scabby marks or not he always wants to do something with me. I cant tell you how many times I have backed out of plans with him just so he wouldnt see the mess of my face. I am at a lost on what to do. How to stop. How to heal. I really dont want to spend the remainder of my life with band aids on my face at night trying in vane to heal the mess I have created. Any tricks you all have on healing these nasty marks, or stopping the urge to pick would be greatly appreciated and welcomed.
289 Answers
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SpottyFace
October 29, 2012
Hey Sweetheart! I'll be thinking about you tomorrow! If it helps at all, I'm right there with you in the same boat. I've even started looking into working from home because of this. If I could just stay home for a while and let myself heal in private without having to scrub off the calamine and try to figure out the best way to conceal all of it..it doesn't help the healing process..plus being all stressed out about having people stare at me makes it even worse. Its so debilitating!! I'd really like working from home, I was thinking about making a new post to see if anyone else on this site works from home. Good luck tomorrow and just remember you have lots of support!!
soembarrassed
October 29, 2012
Thanks Girl!!! I too was wishing I could work from home. Then no makeup...give my skin healing time. But I know that is not possible. What really gets me is this was just a supid little whitehead...but I had to scratch it off as it was looking bad...but now it looks worse to me. My friend at work says you cant even tell. She too is sporting a nice little pimple today...so I dont feel to bad. Mine however is a dried up mess! That is the worse. Looks red without makeup...but then looks like a dried up prune on my face with makeup. WTH is a girl to do? Sport a nice red spot or go around with a dried up mess.......that is the million dollar question! I am sorry you are going through this as well spottyface. But you know what we will leave these damn things alone...yes we can do it....get through the day...go home wash our faces and put on cream...and do it all over again. But you know what we will get through this and by this time next week...we will be looking GOOD!!!! To bad we didnt work together. Then we could hide out together in our little areas at work and help each other get through the day. Could you see it...both of us hiding out in the bathroom....lol. At least we would have each other to talk to!!!
aloneandashamed
October 29, 2012
Sorry to hear this. I know how it feels to watch how people scan your face during conversation. It's human nature but its so so hurtful. Cetaphil is great I agree with the other member on that, dermatologists recommend it. Small dots of sudocrem over night help e dry stage of spots it's amazing x
soembarrassed
October 29, 2012
You are right it is hurtful. But I do the same thing. Scan faces just to see if they are like me. And then get some great pleasure when I see they are not perfect either. But then the ones with perfect skin I want to punch in the face....how dare they have perfect skin. LOL! I was using neosporin last night. I have sudocrem maybe I will try that tonight. I tried cetaphil and it seemed to make my skin more oily. Right now I am usine clean and clear oil absorbing cream face wash. We will see how that works. Well time to get to work. Everyone will be here in about 25 min so it is now time to look at everyone straight in the eye and try really hard not to hang my head in shame...lol
soembarrassed
October 29, 2012
Ugh...4 1/2 more hours...cant wait to leave and go home and HIDE!!!!!
soembarrassed
October 29, 2012
Ok I feel a little better about today. 2 of my friends are also sporting nice spots (unpicked however) on there faces. Theres are red and raised and they are like "I wish mine looked like yours - yours is no where near as big as mine" Yes we are comparing spots....lol This has motivated me not to mess with mine in hopes it heals faster then the 4 months it took last time when I piced it all the dang time. I will go home was face....apply calamine lotion....then sudocrem at night. I will do this every night until it is gone. And NO PICKING! My work christmas part is 12/7/12 and I want my skin to look nice. I dont want to be ashamed at the party. So that gives me 6 weeks. What do you think? Achievable????
soembarrassed
October 29, 2012
So what is the normal healing time for a picked pimple....zit....spot. I would not know as I cant leave them alone.
soembarrassed
October 30, 2012
So another day. Not so bad. The calamine lotion and sudocrem helped. Little dry around the edges. I just put some light powder on. No concelor as that just made it look worse. Actually it does not look to bad. Just a slight pinkish mark that looks like a blemish. Not something I scratched and messed with. I am going to not let it get to me today as well. Yest. it bothered me as I thought everyone was staring at it. But in truth I was more concerned than anyone. So I did not mess with it all day at work. Just a slight touch up at lunch. I am going to do so again today. As far as anyone is concerened it just looks like a new blemish. Which a couple people at work are sporting as well. Actually the new girl, her face is a mess. I know that is not nice. But I thank the lord every day that my skin is not like that. And you know she doesnt care. I dont pick all my face. I find one spot and go at it. So the rest of my skin looks decent. So everyone have a nice hopefully pick free day. We will get past this. We will!!!
soembarrassed
October 30, 2012
Have any of you been left with a raised shiny mark after healing? Does not look good with makeup. I am worried this will be permanent.
soembarrassed
November 01, 2012
Not a good day. Acne bumps gone. Scars a constant reminder of what I have done. I made a derm appointment but cant get in until December. I am going to try Rose Hip Oil. Have any of you tried this? This is so depressing. I really dont want to go on looking like this. I am single who the hell is going to want to be with me looking like something out of a horror movie. Seriously.
beautybeyondskindeep
November 02, 2012
check out our youtube page: http://www.youtube.com/user/beautybskindeep?feature=results_main, its about my 13 year old sister. she has derm too, and picks her face. also send us your story and pictures to beautybeyondskindeep@gmail.com and we will put it on our website beautybeyondskindeep.wix.com/derm also our facebook page http://www.facebook.com/pages/Beauty-Beyond-Skin-Deep/467112230008321?fref=ts
soembarrassed
November 02, 2012
So at work working hard...had a scratch on my face. So naturally I scratched at it. Well I caught edge of my scar just right and wouldnt you know skin peeled off. So I have not picked in a week and i still get an effin sore!!!!
SpottyFace
November 03, 2012
Hey Soembarrassed, Are you okay? You won't be alone forever!..plus you got all of us:) I'm trying in desperation to get rid of the number I've done to my face before I see my Husband later this month...We will get rid of our scars!!
soembarrassed
November 03, 2012
I have been better SpottyFace. I am so sick of going to work looking like this. So embarrassing. This one spot has been around june. Heals...reopens...heals...so on. Always in this same spot. If it wasnt so darn red i could deal with it. But the red is like it is shouting "hey.look at me...see what she did again" I so dont want to go to work monday...but i have to cant miss anymore work this year. I sure hope you are right. First i have to heal this demonic spot...ugh
SpottyFace
November 03, 2012
I know EXACTLY what you are going through!! I started a new job in August and I've had embarrassing sores on my face EVERYDAY!! Since I don't have anytime built up, I've had to go with a band-aid on my face..cause of a staph infection. I look Ridiculous!! I've really started thinking about working from home. I'm a customer service rep/processor and I know there are companies who hire people to do this from home. I could actually be a lot more productive if I didn't have to be worried about keeping my sores covered and bandaged. I try to keep my long hair in front of my sores but it's hard to do....plus I look like 'Cousin It' from the Adams Family!..Lol!! Hang in there! Maybe keeping it really moist with some aquaphor or ointment will help keep it from reopening...antibiotics might help it heal quickly too..I'm currently on Bactrim and it seems to be helping clear up my sores.
soembarrassed
November 04, 2012
Nothing seems to be working. I am trying mario badaosca (sp) healing cream right now. Trying to get my mind set for work tmrw. Wish my hair was longer so I could use it as a cover but mine is barely to my shoulders. I know this is wrong but i wish a few girls at my work would come in with one of these demonic spots. Just so I could see how they handle it. But no they all have perfect skin. So this coming week I will be unsocial again in hopes that this dang thing heals.
SpottyFace
November 04, 2012
Yep same here, I work with mostly women and they all have nice perfectly clear even skin. I'm sure there are a few whispers, but I'm really sweet to people, and so my coworkers are very nice to me. All I want is to be able to get up in the morning and just get dressed and ready like a normal person, instead of having to figure out the best way to hide my spots, without being embarrassed to leave my apartment, and to be able to make eye contact with people again. I'm not asking for perfection, just normal. Is that too much for a girl to ask for?? Seriously!! We'll get there girl!!
soembarrassed
November 04, 2012
Me too! I am always looking down no eye contact. I just wish mt spots where not.on my chin right where everone can see. Like my forhead where my bangs will at least cover them while they heal. The chin is worse cant hide those with no accessories. My.scab has come off now it is indented pink and uneven. I am using a mixture of polysporin and sudocrem to hopefully even out and reduce the pinkish color. My supervisor tells me everyone likes me and I lighten up the work place. That I keep everyone smiling with my funny quick comebacks and my humor. I just wish i could get back my self confidence back. Yes we will get there spottyface. We could be worse off with tumors all over our face. Right now my skin is looking ok. With just this one area spot bringing me down. But one spot might as well be 100 as far as my vain self is concerned. I have also ordered some rose hip oil as I hear that is supposed to be good for your skin and help blend in scars. Have you used it?
SpottyFace
November 04, 2012
I've heard of rose hip oil, I think I read about someone using it on this site..I've heard good things about it. I have thought about using Bio-oil (or its called something like that) I've seen it at Walgreens and CVS and it looks like it might help. I haven't had the chance to use anything, because I'm still trying to get these things healed. Right now I've got my face smeared with some ointment my doctor prescribed me. I've had a bad spot on my chin too!..Its right under my lip, so its impossible to hide...and difficult to keep a band-aid on it. I try to keep a sense of humor though. We had a costume/Halloween party at work and my supervisor asked me if I was going to dress up...I said 'nah, I'm just gonna take my I whole reason I have this problem is because of my own stupid vanity. I don't really have acne, its just that I try to "fix" any little thing on my skin and I end up creating huge sores. I'm trying to learn from my mistakes because it's taken over my life. My husband and I moved to Florida during the summer. He's out of state right now at a school, and I can't make friends because I can't even make eye contact with people because of my skin. The girls at work have said that I'm so sweet and a pleasure to work with, and I know I could develop some great friendships, but this disorder is like a big wall standing in my way. At least you have friends girl!! ..and count me as one of them:)!!

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