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Raeina , 31 Aug 2014

A Daily Blog For Healing (30 day challenge)

I have been picking at my face since I was 13 years old and first started getting acne. I am now 23 and skin picking is destroying my life. My self confidence, stress management, and social anxiety are at an all time low. I want to start the 30 day challenge to stop my skin picking! I am going to document my urges, tendencies I notice, and methods that I am using, to try to accomplish this goal, each day. I know this challenge isn't going to be easy, but I hope that the support and encouragement here will help me to stop my skin picking (and may help someone else too!) The rules of the 30 day challenge: 1) The 30 day challenge doesn't end if I relapse. So, if I do end up picking the challenge doesn't stop. I have to document my picking and keep working towards my goal, being especially aware of what caused the relapse. 2) The goal is to not pick all together. This means that even picking one spot would be considered as a picking session. 3) Daily documentation of urges, thought patterns, techniques, and possible relapses is mandatory to complete the challenge successfully! Alright, so now I am going to post what I have been doing so far to help stop my skin picking: 1) All mirrors are covered up in my home with a beautiful lace fabric lol! 2) Daily affirmations. 3) A rubber band for my wrist to snap when I start skin picking or thinking about picking! 4) A support system (people I can text/call when I have an urge to pick: my mom and boyfriend). 5) Alternatives to picking: weed in my garden, do ten jumping jacks, drink water/eat something healthy, sing a ridiculous tune like little bunny foo foo (mainly because it says picking in it lol), or write about it! Now I am going to detail my format for my daily posts. This entire challenge is customized to fit my needs and is just an idea of how to go about it. You can use the guidelines I've set up, or make your own! Day One - August 31, 2014 Last time picked: last night/this morning at 12:30 AM (1 hour session) Spots picked: around my temples, chin, forehead, nose, and right cheek. Thoughts while picking: "I am a terrible person." "Stop, stop, stop." "Just one more and then you'll stop." "1, 2, 3 stop!" "Your face is going to look horrible tomorrow." Thoughts after picking: "I hate myself." "I'm going to wake up in the morning to a mutilated face." "My is ruined, before it's even started." Warning signs: I was driving home in my car and had an urge to pick. I told myself that I was at risk for picking when I got home and needed to be careful. I started touching some spots on my face while driving. I went home and sat down right in front of my mirror and began picking. Aversion plan for next time: If I am driving and have thoughts of picking, I will not go straight upstairs to my bedroom. I will make sure to sit on the couch and wind down before going upstairs. Types of pimples: blackheads, whiteheads, cystic acne. Things I worry about: scars not healing/fading (I always end up picking before my face heals. I feel like I'm scared to see how much damage over actually caused). Products I used: Aveda Gentile Foaming Cleanser, Calamine Lotion, Witch Hazel, and Aveda Tourmaline Moisturizer. Current stressors: work, school, relationship, the future, fear of failure. Things I am proud of: starting this challenge. Until tomorrow then! Good luck everyone!
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Tjwantsclearskin
August 31, 2014
Something that may help... I posted my regimen on the forum if you'd like to review.. If I use the product called Acnomel it helps because it covers the sore like a small little thin flexible cream that kinda hardens. To pick I would need to soak and scrub and I don't want to go through all that so the process plus it gives me time to rethink. Strength to you we can overcome this!
Raeina
September 02, 2014
Thank you for the tip TJ! I will definitely try it. In the past I've used Neotrogena's spot treatment! It does the exact same thing and is specific for acne (I'm afraid it doesn't work as well on scabs though, so the Acnomel sounds perfect). Thanks for the positivity, I'm on day two :))
healinghands
September 01, 2014
Raeina, You go girl! Way to get started. You have achieved a first goal by making a plan. Kudos for your honesty. That's a hard rule, to count any picking as a session. But it's fair. You have motivated me to take the 30 day challenge too.
Raeina
September 02, 2014
Day Two - September 1, 2014 Last time picked: tonight (<1:00) Spots picked: a little whitehead on my chin while sitting on the couch. Ok! So here is day two's synopsis. I was very active today, so that probably helped lessen my urge to pick. I was also with my boyfriend for the majority of the day (we went to the beach for Labor Day), so that helped too. I noticed that sometimes, when he drops me off after a date, I will go immediately upstairs to pick. I will do this sometimes after being out with friends too. Today he came in my house for a little while, after the beach, before leaving. This helped, I didn't end up picking. When he left I did wash all my makeup off and put Calamine on my face for a few hours. This was when I picked at the little spot on my chin while studying on the couch. I just scrubbed my face with St. Ives Green Tea Scrub to wash the Calamine off, then used witch hazel to tone, followed by my Aveda cleanser and moisturizer. One thing I noticed is that I keep my moisturizer in my bedroom (with my makeup on my vanity). I'm going to move this to the bathroom. It's rare that I will pick after I put my moisturizer on, so I think it will be best to have it away from my makeup mirror. I am proud on myself today! Even though I picked at one little spot, I feel more confident since my face is starting to heal. I also didn't pick in a mirror today!!! This is a HUGE step for me. The accountability of documenting my progress here is helping too ☺️. Until tomorrow <3 Rae
Raeina
September 03, 2014
Day Three - September 2, 2014 Last time picked: around 11:00 AM and 3:00 PM Spots picked: I was peeling the dead skin off of my face while driving (eww) and a pimple on my check that bugged me when I got home. Ok. So today I spent about thirty minutes peeling the dead skin off of my face. Even though I wasn't picking pimples, it was still satisfying my urge to pick. My thoughts surrounded picking all day today. I wanted to pick so badly. I thought about my face and all the scars. I ran my fingers around it to feel the pimples that have newly formed and are just begging me to pop them. I am honestly suprized that I only picked one pimple on my cheek, because I usually would have gotten out of the car, ran straight up to my bedroom, and picked for hours. When I'm driving my idle mind will take over and when I think about picking the anticipation has time to build until I get home. Ugh! I wasted at least two hours though just staring in the mirror, laying down, and obsessing over wanting to pick so badly. I finally got myself to stop and put calamine lotion on my face and follow my normal regimine. The only thing different that I used was a derma roller, which works amazingly well on scars and all those little newly formed pimples. I think it opens my pores up and really let's my face wash/moisturizer sink in! Ah, even that sounds obsessive though. :/ I am going to get up early and go to the gym with my boyfriend tomorrow. I have been on the Paleo diet and am also on my third day of working out :) I think all of this is helping! Hopefully tomorrow I can be more productive and shun away idle time spent thinking about picking. Until then. <3 Rae
healinghands
September 04, 2014
Rae- 30 minutes is an improvement from 2 hours! It's perplexing how we can have such a strong urge to pick. Sounds like you're making a total health change with diet and exercise combined...great strides to care for your body as a whole!
Raeina
September 04, 2014
Thank you for checking in HealingHands! I have to remember that 30 minutes is progress. Though it isn't perfect, it is progress! And I am really trying to change my whole lifestyle around. I am working on it!
Raeina
September 04, 2014
Day Four - September 3, 2014 Last time picked: tonight for thirty minutes. Ugh. Ok. So I was doing really great today with my diet and my face, but my boyfriend and I went out on a date (to a seafood restaurant) and I decided to live a little and break my diet. I know it's good to do things in moderation and so I decided to give myself a break day. Afterwards we got a milkshake. The only problem was that I didn't allow myself to enjoy any of it! I was too obsessed with the fact that I was breaking my diet and that the sugar was not good for my body. This totally stressed me out. When I got home, instead of working on anything productive, I watched youtube videos and then went upstairs to pick at my face. I picked at a few spots, used the derma roller and now I have calamine on. I hope that the spots I picked aren't too noticeable by tomorrow morning. My face was starting to look better, even my boyfriend noticed it and complimented me on how pretty I looked. Ugh. Now I am going to have more scabs and red spots. I'm so frustrated! I can't even make it four days! I have to remind myself that the thirty day challenge is about progress. It's about the journey not the end result. Tomorrow I hope to not pick and to be a little less hard on myself. I am starting to feel like my OCD and perfectionism is truly the problem now. I'm going to re-read my Day One for some inspiration. I'll keep you all updated! Until tomorrow <3
Tjwantsclearskin
September 04, 2014
I agree... 30 min is an improvement. Great job! I hope the calamine helps heal fast! I heard of a derma roller but I'm not sure what that is so I'm going to look into that... :-)
Raeina
September 05, 2014
Day Five - September 4, 2014 Last time picked: yesterday for thirty minutes. Alright!!! So I am so proud of myself! I spent very little time obsessing over picking today and a lot more time being productive. I'm even starting to recognize my OCD thoughts more and am starting to squash them by diverting my mind unto more productive, positive thoughts. I am proud that I didn't give up on myself today. I spent some time biting my nails and the skin on my fingers, so once I officially stop picking my face I figure I can tweak little things after that. Just being more aware, forgiving, and lenient on myself helped today. Staying active was a big plus and also waking up an hour earlier may have helped too! I had an overall more positive mind frame today. I like that I made it a whole day without picking my face or obsessing too much over it! I am pretty positive that tomorrow will be even better :) It is really helping that my face is healing up too!! Without too many scars and very few pimples, I am having less of a temptation to pick. I have been drinking water like a monster (8 glasses a day at least), exercising every morning, and staying away from sugars, breads, and processed foods. I think a combination of starting a more healthy, balanced lifestyle and really dedicating myself to this challenge has helped out a lot. I am going to try to keep it up! Until tomorrow <3 Rae
Raeina
September 06, 2014
Day Six - September 5, 2014 Last time picked: last night, a few blackheads on my nose. So I'm posting for yesterday. I did really well all day and ended up picking a few blackheads on my nose last night. Not too badly though. My face broke out yesterday and I really wanted to pick a spot on my forehead and on my jaw, but I didn't. This morning they look like they are starting to turn into whiteheads. It's going to be hard to not pick them when they are whiteheads, but I'm going to try using a warm compress instead. Still making progress. I need to try to go one whole day without picking again. Hopefully that will be today :)
Raeina
September 08, 2014
Day Seven and Day Eight - Sunday August 7, 2014. Spots picked: 7 whiteheads on my face and one cystic acne spot. Part of me thought that my acne would be gone if I didn't pick anymore. I guess I was wrong, because my face cleared and whiteheads poped up not a day later. I ordered some Acnomel. Everyone here is saying that it helps, so I am going to try it. I just wish I hadn't picked, because now my scabs are back. It makes it unbelievably difficult to cover my face with makeup when I have scabs all over it. Not to mention that I worry about them turning into scars. The reason I picked last night and this morning was because my boyfriend and I were going out on a double date with his best friend. I sometimes get social anxiety when I have to meet new people that are important. I really need to stop all of this
healinghands
September 08, 2014
Some simple things that have helped my skin (besides getting older??) is using a clean washcloth to dry my face each day and changing the pillow case every couple days. I don't know why I still get acne even though I'm far past puberty but that's the way it is. I also get blackheads on my nose and in random spots all over my face. But I've noticed the whiteheads only come when I'm been touching my face or not keeping it clean regularly. I use Alba Botanicals AcneDote line of cleanser, toner, and moisturizer at night and usually just wash with water in the morning. Then I have a Apricot facial scrub with the sandy granules to use a few times a week in the shower. Occasionally I use the Alba facial mask but not sure if it really does anything. Anyway, everyone's skin is different but if your skin is sensitive like mine I was wondering if the Calamine you are using might help stop itching temporarily but then contribute to any new spots? Our beauty on the outside will shine more when we have peace on the inside- so take it easy and don't give up!
Tjwantsclearskin
September 08, 2014
I too thought if I could clear my face just once the acne wouldn't come back. I find the acnomel helps keep my mind off the spots. When I touch a spot of acnomel I think It's covered so I can't pick. Sometimes I do dab a bit more on the spot and consider my picking done. You're doing great realizing what the reasons are. Hang in there!! Your doing so much better!!
Raeina
September 09, 2014
Day Nine: September 8, 2014. Spots picked: a whitehead near my hairline and a few pimples in random spaces. My disappointment at my face not clearing up is still lingering. I picked at a few spots tonight and kind of feel like giving up, even though I know this feeling will pass. I am going to go all day tomorrow without picking and the Acnomel should arrive on Wednesday...so two days. No picking. I'm just going to stop myself, even if I see a pimple. It's the only way I will really know if my face will clear up with the Acnomel. I've got to give it a fair shot. I am hiding my mirror for the two days, to make sure I don't pick. I'll be mirror-less until then. Thank you everyone for the support! The accountability is really helping me keep on going, even when in tempted to give up.
healinghands
September 09, 2014
You're the one who started the 30 day challenge...it will be so worth it not to give up! Small steps are still progress! You are doing better; it seems like you are picking less often. What is your plan if you see or feel a pimple? Have a plan of action to do instead so you can be ready. Good idea to hide your mirror. I find when I go camping and I don't have the means to put on makeup I don't think about my face so much and it's refreshing. How is your diet going? Have you noticed if any certain foods bring about more spots?
Raeina
September 10, 2014
You are right Healinghands, I definitely can't give up. I put on makeup first thing this morning (instead of looking for spots first), so that helped. I haven't picked today. My diet is going well, but I'm not noticing a huge change in my skin :/ it's still oily as ever. I did make some cookies a few days ago and they broke me out a bit. I am wondering if the sugar affected my mood too? Perhaps not the best choice, but I totally was craving sweets!

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