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abackas , 13 Aug 2009

I'm a woman and I pick my breasts! Does anyone else?

Hi there. I've been a fairly serious skin picker ever since I was about 13. I'm now 42. Also saw the A&E Obsessed show and could totally relate. I pick pretty much anywhere and everywhere on my body but my 2 MAIN areas are my face and MY BOOBS! It's just awful! Do any other women have this problem? It's so sad because it really is a beautiful part of a woman's body and here I obsessively destroy it. Anyway, I just discovered this site and forum. It's great. Hope to chat more.
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Shatterproof
December 11, 2010
I'm so relieved to see that I am not alone. I've been a picker since I was around 11, I'm 16 now, and the first place I can remember picking is my breasts. Since this thing, which I can only describe as an obsession, has progressed to other parts of my body such as my arms, legs, and face, but my breasts remain the most heavily attacked area. I pick at my breasts at least once everyday. The thing is, once I start I can't stop, I go into a 'trance' which I now know most other pickers experience. These sessions can last anything from 5 minutes to (on one occasion;) 5 hours. The end product of my work is hard enough as it is, my breasts being an anatomical representation of my femininity, I don't feel sexy or feminine at all, in fact I feel hideous. But I think the worst part of it is the emotional roller-coaster I have to endure every single time I start up one of these little sessions. First comes the irritation, then the fight, then the surrender, then the release and peace, and then it all ends and I look at what I've done to myself and I feel so guilty and ashamed and angry at myself for giving in. To be honest I don't know how much more of this I can take. Everyday I wake up and I promise myself that today is going to be different. But it never is. It's just this vicious circle and it never seems to end. I don't know why I do this to myself. There is no explanation. This thing dominates my life and I have absolutely no control of it. And if I were to try and explain this to anyone 'normal' they would probably laugh at me and tell me to just get over it, which is why I'm so happy that I've found this place. I know that you guys understand. And I truly hope that one day, we can all break free from this obsession. If anyone would like to talk, here's my email: helen.lewis28@hotmail.co.uk
godmotherx2
May 07, 2011
Wow, Shatterproof...your post made me cry because I feel like you have exactly described my life. Even though I'm quite a bit older than you - 31! But, you're right about the whole vicious cycle. Here I am again thinking, okay it's another day and I'm going to stop this. The worst time for me is at night when I change into pajamas. But, like you said...I try to avoid and then give in, then I'm in the "trance" thing and the rest is history. I hate it...I've also picked wherever else I can. I have hormonal imbalance issues which causes my face, chest and back to break out like crazy and that of course just gives me more to pick at and I can't for the life of me leave a zit alone! I'm SO sick of this...feel like I've completely destroyed my body and of course...summer is right around the corner. Everyone else gets so excited about it and I wish it would be winter forever so I could be comfortable in my long sleeved shirts!! Ugh...
julia
December 17, 2010
I've only just found this forum, and it's amazing to me, as well as comforting, how similar your stories are to my own. I've recently turned 20, and have been picking at my skin for as long as I can remember. I have been in treatment for anxiety since I was 11, and I believe that is a big part of why I do it. My breasts are the worst area, at the moment they are so bruised, sore and swollen that my bras feel tight. But I also pick at my face, scalp, shoulders, back, arms, buttocks and the soles of my feet. I feel so guilty about it, because I am aware I am doing it but I can't seem to stop myself. Lately I have even been using sewing needles and tweezers to get at blackheads etc. I don't really know what I hope to achieve by posting this. I guess it's just a release to share what I'm struggling with. Good luck to all of you with getting your own picking under control.
applegirl
December 18, 2010
julia-im the same age (20), whats either your email or fb? im sarah grace and definitely want to talk to someone my own age about all the struggles! I used to pick the soles of my feet, but now do face, boobs (the skin there and the bumps around my nipples, which i think is weird but idk why i do it), back, and shoulders...recently moved to my legs and bikini area. I'm stopping this before it gets worse. I think we can do this. want to chat? let me know!
Amber
December 17, 2010
Came across this site this morning, and comforted to know there are others out there, I'm not as alone as I have felt. I have been a compulsive skin picker for as long as I remember, my mother says I was about 13, think it was closer to 9 and my parents separation. I turn 30 in January. It started with my arms and legs, with puberty and acne, my face became another target, then my back, butt, stomach, and finally my breasts following my 2nd pregnancy. My primary trigger is stress, during a prolonged period of stress ( or knowing I have another court date nearing regarding my ex) the picking will become substantial, and even if I realize what I'm doing, it is the one thing I can't seem to control. I spent 4 years in an abusive relationship where Severe Depression set in, and my picking went from bad to horrific...and I've never been able to slow it down since. Medication didn't help, my family doctor is trying to get me in for hypnotherapy to see if that can help... I'm just glad to find others with remarkably similar stories...at least I know I'm not the only one struggling with this...thank you
Hilary
December 28, 2010
Hey, I'm 23 and have been picking at my boobs for about 5-6 years now. What's worse is that my hair has gotten darker and longer at the spots that were the worst for me. Has anyone else had that?!
Cate
January 06, 2011
Hello - I'm 20 and have been struggling with this problem since the onset of puberty. I actually have a question for others with this issue - how have you brought this up with your significant other? I have not had sex with my boyfriend because of my embarrassment about this issue, but I feel ready to take that step. I am scared he will find me ugly because of this but even more scared of the prospect of spending my life alone because of my insecurities about my scars and so forth.
polkadot
February 26, 2011
Just last week I told my husband about my problem. I was in the bathroom putting spot bandaids on the open wounds I had caused on my back. He walked in and I just took the opportunity to spill the beans. "What are you doing?" "Can I tell you something about me without you thinking less of me or being disgusted?" "Of course!" I continued to tell him that I had a problem where I couldn't let myself heal. I don't know why I did it, but it has been since childhood. I told him I really want to stop and that I could use his help. He promised to tell me to stop if he ever caught me, and now he even helps me put the little spot bandaids on the places on my back I can't reach right. He really took it well, and I guess I didn't give him enough credit! If a guy really loves you, he may not understand, but he will certainly want whats best for you and want to help you stop! It has made such a difference in my accountability. Its makes me think twice before picking! Now that he knows, he will ask how I am doing, and how things are healing. It's sure great to know he really meant it when he said in sickness or health!
RRW513
January 06, 2011
I pick my breasts a little bit, but not nearly as much as the rest of me mostly because there aren't many flaws to pick. Cate- I am wondering the same thing. I have been with the same guy for 2 1/2 years and I just say 'oh, I scar easily' but I am sure he has noticed my picking. He's nice enough to not bring it up, but I would like to discuss it more. I mentioned today that I found this site and think I obsessively pick, and he and my sister laughed and changed the subject.
Cate
January 08, 2011
I'm sorry they reacted like that when you tried to bring it up. I've found that bringing up things like this is so hard because people who don't do it are very uncomfortable talking about it and react badly because of that. I think that my scars and scabs, at least at the moment, would not hold up to me saying I scar easily. To be honest, I have thought of inventing some fiction to cover it up - childhood chickenpox or something, but I don't want to do lie about something like this in a relationship. Are you going to try to bring it up to your boyfriend again? I really don't know how I'll bring it up to mine, not yet at least. He hasn't even been really intimate with someone before so I have no idea what his idea of what breasts should look like is, i.e. the stuff that's in magazines these days.
lexyw
February 24, 2011
i told my best friends last summer that i was attacked by mosquitoes, haha...but, seriously, i've had a bf for many years now and he's the one who told me what this disorder was and sent me a link to this site. i've always "picked my face because i have acne." he noticed it was getting a lot worse a few years ago and there was A LOT of embarrassment, tears, screaming, fighting, silence, shame, etc. before i had the courage to look at the links he sent me. i was really angry for a long time with him, thinking "eff you, back off, i'm fine, i'm not gonna look at this stupid info." how wrong was i!! i would suggest talking to your bf alone, w/out the sister. also, talk to him right after you've had an attack. it might make the seriousness resonate a bit more. it's actually brought us so much closer together (emotionally, not physically unfortunately). my legs are my worst area. and i've noticed that b/c of my legs, i absolutely never want to take my clothes off in front of him. and i surely don't want to have sex. all the scars and scabs make me feel introverted and shy with him...but dare i say, it also gives me a quantifiable excuse as to why i feel uncomfortable being naked in the first place. sometimes, being covered up with sweats is a relief.
wolfandthefox
January 07, 2011
i am 22 and just found this site, oddly i found out what the name of this thing i do while watching law and order and it just triggered so much in me, i have been crying ever since! I pick everwhere but my breasts most of all i leave huge horrible scabs that take ages to heal and then scar badly. im so glad (and suprised) that i am not alone!
nottheonlyone
January 07, 2011
I never knew it had a name. I always thought I was a freak. Looking back, I can now connect my picking to events in my life that traumatized me or times when I was so alone I just wanted to excape into "anything but this". Im now 17 and I have scars on my breasts (especially around my arreolas). I started when I was 11. It's incredible to me how similiar our stories are. We're connected by this compulsion and I think it's safe to say a lot of us have ostrasized ourselves because of the physical consequences of this need. I noticed that most of us started picking either before puberty or during the early onset of it. It almost seems freudian to me the way we're picking away at our womanhood at such an early age, completely unaware of the shame that will accompany the scars we have created. I've avoided sleepovers and boyfriends and swimming pools and showers and any other place where my breasts could possibly be displayed. I've always been scared to talk about it. Picking has always been my secret and only recently did it click inside my head that this was a compulsive behavior. In the past I have always allowed shame to push the seriousness of my situation out of my head. But now I crave contact with people who understand. I love my friends and family but I don't want to "come out" to them as a picker. I'm thankful to know I'm not the only one. Anyone care to connect?
Cate
January 08, 2011
I'm glad you found the site. I only recently found it myself and it has helped me deal with some of the shame I have about this compulsion. One of the worst parts is, as you said, that it seems to me as though I have destroyed the body part most associated with femininity. I would like to connect with people who are dealing with this and understand as well.
Ellen
November 13, 2011
nottheonlyone, You express yourself very well. I like your Freudian spin on things. I wonder, if we started attacking our womanhood before we really even had it, where do you think that comes from? I mean, how does an 11 year old learn to hate her developing body? I wonder if this has something to do with our mothers...either their view of their own femininity / role or their wish for us to stay children and not grow up and be their equals / competitors /replacements? (Sorry that may have been a little TOO Freudian.) Thanks for your post; like you, I feel comforted by all of the people "like me" on this site.
maggal
January 18, 2011
Thank God I am not the only one! I have been picking at my breasts and buttocks since puberty I would say. (I am 29 now). I fear getting intimate because I am so ashamed. I was also diagnosed with Trichotillomania when I was 14 and underwent behavior therapy and that helped. I am 'mostly' in remission from trich but the picking has continued. I am seriously considering getting whitening cream to lighten the scars.

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