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Evey , 07 Dec 2010

Anyone else who just wants to stop? Let's help each other!

Hi All, I'm new to this forum and reading through all the posts, although bringing me to tears, also made me feel such a sense of relief and unity as my actions and feelings are mirrored by so, so many of you. My picking is out of control. I'm almost afraid to admit how long its gone on...at least 14 years...i'm 26 now. Like many of you, I pick almost everywhere possible, any bumps (real or imagined), ingrown hairs, blackheads, spots, scabs. I don't know why I do it - it doesn't seem to matter if I'm upset or not, it's just a complete and utter complusion. I'm pretty, good job, great friends and family, I take so much care of my appearance and work out like crazy - but every single day and night I maim myself. Going 1 day without picking would be a a huge achievement for me. I don't ever leave the house without make up, I don't go swimming anymore or do anything that would show off the tops of my legs. Often I have to force myself to leave the house after spending over an hour putting make up on and making sure the cuts and scabs I've made are covered as much as possible. I absolutely hate that I do this, I'm so, so ashamed of myself. The only person I have ever told about it was my ex (and that was becauseI couldn't hide it anymore) who was very understanding. I would give anything to stop. I've tried hypnotherapy, but sadly this didn't work for me. I saw another earlier post about the 21 day challenge and was wondering if anyone out there would like to start this with me this week? I really think it would help so much to check in with other people and see how we're all doing, posting each day to motivate each other. If anyone is interested please post and we could choose (God, I almost wrote "pick" there then thought the better of it!) a day to begin and go from there? During the 21 day period I'm going to force myself to wear gloves and a head scarf at night to stop the picking and turn off the light in my bathroom so I can't see in the mirror when I take my make up off. I just want to stop it so I can have a normal life. Thanks all, Evey
73 Answers
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Evey
December 08, 2010
Hi! I'm exactly the same...the minute I get into bed my fingers start feeling around for something to pick and stopping the complusion to do this seems almost impossible for me. I have actually gotten into bed with gloves before and music to distract myself but somehow the gloves always ended up off. Last night my scalp got the worst abuse and is so sore today as I write this. Today is going to be day 1 for me now. I'm at home all day on study leave which is not a good thing in terms of opportunities to pick so this will be hard. I've put leave in conditioner in my hair so that I won't want to touch my scalp. I'm going to read through this forum whenever I will my determination is waning. Thanks so much for your response. Good luck today - check in with me later.
no_more_yo
December 08, 2010
Hi Evey... I like your idea of using the gloves at night. I may try that too. I just read the 21-day challenge last night and decided to start today. Last night after I went to bed was pretty hard. Typically, I get into bed and immediately start feeling around on my legs/hips/butt/arms for things to scratch and pick at. I started to last night, then remembered no! The only thing I could do was clasp my hands together and grit my teeth until I fell asleep. Now I'm getting ready to go to bed, and for me, night time is Always the worst. On to day two (I hope...)
Evey
December 08, 2010
Hey guys, Have been doing some research and found this: The primary treatment modality for Compulsive Skin Picking / Dermatillomania is a combination of various types of Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy (CBT). Perhaps the most important of these is called Habit Reversal Training (HRT). HRT is based on the principle that skin picking is a conditioned response to specific situations and events, and that the individual with Dermatillomania is frequently unaware of these triggers. HRT challenges Compulsive Skin Picking in a two-fold process. First, the individual learns how to become more consciously aware of situations and events that trigger skin picking episodes. Second, the individual learns to utilize alternative behaviors in response to these situations and events. Has anyone tried anything like this? The only actually therapy as such that I've tried was hypnotherapy, which really didn't work for me. I think I'm too highly strung to even remotely get into the 'zone'! I found that piece on the LA OCD centre website. They have some good info. Day 1 continues!
Henry
December 09, 2010
Hey Evey, I just came here today and I would love to stop. I'd be glad to try a 21 day challenge with other people to talk to about it. I do my best to hide it, and all my attempts to stop before have failed. It's really frustrating after you go a few days without and then it's back to square one. I really need to stop though. I'm 20 and I've done it for as long as I can remember. My fingers are constantly painful, which makes typing and playing the piano uncomfortable. I sometimes accidently smear blood on stuff when I didn't even realize I was bleeding. I'm afraid to let people see my hands because I'm embarrassed of them. I've tried many times to stop. My mom used to put jalapeno juice on my fingers to make them unpleasant to bite, but it didn't stop me. Gloves drive me mad. I had a great idea a while back and decided I should wear my Scarecrow vampire fangs until I break the habit, because the fangs don't allow my teeth to meet, thus making it impossible for me to bite my fingers. It's just easier not to try because I get extremely agitated and can't focus on anything else if I'm unable to bite them. I think a group thing could be great for motivation. Maybe start a new topic for it? Just say when and I'll start with you!
Evey
December 09, 2010
Hey Henry! I'm finding this forum such a help already - a couple of times when I've felt the urge and my fingers have gone to pick, I've thought about how I want to be able come on here and share with you all that I fought the urge. I used to be worse with the skin around my nails, I always had deep cuts around the cuticle area and like you, I'd suddenly notice they were bleeding, which was very embarassing when that happened around other people. Last night I managed to go the whole night without picking - I filed my nails really short, put lotion on my hands and kept my gloves on and managed not to pick for the night! Very pleased! Also haven't been at myself during the day today so I'm hopeful anyway! So I guess last night was kind of like my starting point if you would be interested in giving it a go too, and we can post our progress on here with tips and motivational comments!
Henry
December 10, 2010
Well, I'm not sure if I should call this my day 1 or not. I couldn't keep myself from feeling for and scratching lightly at edges on my fingers, but I figure that's alright if don't let myself start actually picking. I caught myself biting a couple times before I could stop, but I managed to go without removing any significant amounts of skin, which is an improvement. It's hard because for me it's mostly unconscious, and I don't even notice I'm doing it. I haven't touched my back or my head all day though. Those are easier to avoid since they're usually more of a focused thing than my unconscious finger biting. I'll still be up for a few hours yet, so I guess I'll wait and see what happens before I declare this day 1 or not. Here's hoping for no more biting!
no_more_yo
December 10, 2010
Hey all... well I'm nearing the end of day three here. All's going fairly well, though I can't count the number of times I've caught my fingers and nails grazing over my skin, unconsciously feeling for bumps to scratch at! My skin is so itchy in the wintertime, so that is really not helping. It's almost like I actually have to tear my hands away from wherever they're going, and it's a big battle. I'm realizing all of the places on my body that I unconsciously pick at - especially my back. My legs, abdomen, arms are pretty obvious as I can easily see them. But my back and butt, all the time too! I just don't see it as easily. But I can definitely feel the difference already, not painful anymore... skin heals quickly, as long as I can leave it alone for long enough. One thing I feel the need to confess though, is that I'm chewing and picking on my fingers more now. It's just too super hard to do it all at once, and I reeeally want to stop picking at my skin most of all. I'll work on the fingers after - cause now I really believe that there will be an "after", largely to having this support here. It really does help imagining you guys out there too! It's nice to have community :) may sound corny but it's true for me. Good luck all of you
JJ
December 10, 2010
I really appreciate the honesty of all those who post on this site. I am especially touched when I read ages, because I started picking my skin before I was 9 years old and I'm now going to be 61 on Monday and still picking. I feel like there is hope for so many of us as we explore this habit together. Just now when I started picking I thought of this wonderful site and came here instead. Let's explore positive things to do instead, like paint, draw, put a puzzle together - something, anything, rather than feel the guilt and shame that comes after picking. Thank you.
Evey
December 10, 2010
oh guys...I was almost afraid to come on here today as I'm so ashamed, after my good start and night free of picking, I had a terrible night last night. I absolutely destroyed the backs of my legs last night and my scalp...I feel like absolute cr*p now today. I'm actually so disgusted with myself. I couldn't get to sleep for ages and just could not fight the urge to pick..I think i must have been awake for over 2 hours doing it. So major fail to the start of the 21 day challenge for me. God, I hate CSP so much. I looked in the mirror today just to torture myself some more and the marks all up the backs of my thighs are just horrific, so many old scars and the new cuts i made last night. Sorry all...I now I'm on such a downer...tonight I think I'm going to go to absolute desperate measures and put gloves and then gym wraps on over them, as apparently I need to forceably restrain my own hands now.
no_more_yo
December 11, 2010
Hey Evey, I know just how you are feeling after so many times of trying so hard to stop. I don't even know what happens most of the times, I just get right back into it... the positive thing though is that you can always try again, no matter how many times it doesn't work out. It's hard to think that that's positive right after I finish picking the hell outta myself. But it's true, we can always try again. And I'm pretty sure that no one on This forum is going to be ashamed or disappointed in anyone else for needing to try again. Go for it!
Evey
December 12, 2010
Thanks so much guys, you're encouragement is fantastic. Since that terrible night I've had another 2 picking free nights which i feel great about. I've had to wear gloves both nights but I was really determined not to pick. I haven't been able to completely stop during the day yet, I'm at home on study leave this last week so I unfortunately have all them time in the world to pick, whereas at work I would be very unlikely to pick (well not at my face anyway). But i think I've made somewhat of a start and am just going to continue on hopefully gets less and less at night and then that may help encourage me to leave myself alone during the day more as well. Thanks!
Henry
December 11, 2010
Don't be ashamed, Evey! It's a really hard thing to stop, as I'm sure everybody here knows. Is it hardest for you just before bed? Do you think it might help if you did some excercise to tire yourself out before bed? If you fall asleep quicker you'd have less time to think about it. Might help? For me, I'm counting yesterday as my day 1, since the day before I forgot myself and bit my fingers a few times. Yesterday I didn't bite them at all! I really wanted to though. Here's hoping I make it through day 2!
Evey
December 12, 2010
Thanks Henry. Yeah, bedtime can be terrible, especially those nights where it takes me a while to drop off, and I start getting the complusion to pick. It seems once i start at night, i find it particularly hard to start, so I think that's the most dangerous time for me. But i have managed another 2 pick free nights with the help of the gloves and listening to music for distraction. Well done on your day one! I go through stages with my hands, well the skin around my nails, where i'll have a few weeks of terrible picking at them, then i move on to another place and leave them alone. They just seem to be the easiest place to pick at work or when your at the movies etc, which I think makes them a real target. I find using a lot of cream on my hands, to make sure the skin doesn't get dry and encourage me to pick it off, helps me leave my hands alone more. I don't know if that's something that might help u at all, even putting a oily cream on before bed or something so its physically hard to pick?
Henry
December 12, 2010
Congratulations! Good job on your 2 nights! For me I mostly bite my fingers, and if I don't let myself stand in the bathroom at night I don't pick at my back or scalp usually. My fingers though, it's just a constant thing throughout the day. I made it through yesterday without biting, so I'm on day 3 now! The longest I've gone before was a few days before I just got frustrated and stopped trying. I have tried putting lotion on, but I can only put it on the tops of my hands because I have a killer sweating problem on the undersides of my hands, which is also where I bite my fingers. I have found it helpful to put on chapstick though, because I don't want to smear chapstick on my fingers and make them slimy.
rdebruyn
December 11, 2010
I just found this site and certainly feel everyone's pain. I've been picking and biting my fingers for close to 40 years! It started as chewing my fingernails as a kid. My parents started painting Stop and Grow on my nails - the bad taste is supposed to make you stop. Instead, I switched to the skin around my nails and never stopped. In some respects, I guess I'm lucky. I've never gone past my fingers to other parts of my body, but can see it's the same concept. As with all of you, I want to stop. I have to add that I mean that with both anger and frustration! Those emotions don't seem to drive me to chew more though. I don't seem to have any kind of emotional triggers for this. Recently I proved this to myself by wearing gloves for a week. I could be out of control chewing - telling myself to STOP and absent-mindedly starting again. Then I put gloves on and no problem. The only - strike that - the prevailing trigger is the dry flakes of skin. I also say prevailing because I chew when I'm left alone to my thoughts like when watching tv. When actively doing something I don't tend to chew. In the last 5 years I gained some control and have had periods of up to 9 months or even a year free of chewing. I tend to lax on applying lotion, eventually the skin gets dry and voila! Chewing starts again! Recently I tried gloves at home and work for 10 days, but it wasn't enough time to heal. Oh - and I tend not to clean as often as I should because putting my hands in water just makes it worse. It's bad to say that I feel better knowing others share my problem. That does give me some comfort. The real uplifting feeling comes from the fact that some of you HAVE been able to OVERCOME! I hope that I can, with support, and that I can be a source of support to some of you.
Evey
December 12, 2010
Hi and great, honest post, thank you for sharing. I think it's wonderful that you have managed such long periods without picking and you obviously have great willpower which should make you feel very hopeful of stopping. I don't think I've ever gone so much as a week without picking so to achieve a year pick free is so fantastic. Please continue to share your good and bad days here and any advice on what's working for you.
Syds27
December 13, 2010
I want to stop so badly. I'm only sixteen and I have had this picking compulsion for only about a year and it already seems hopeless to stop. I'm addicted. I love to do it and I hate myself for doing it. I just want to stop. I want to be able to look in the mirror and fight the urge to pick. I know many of you have had this way longer than me and I can't imagine the pain you go through. Do you have any suggestions for me? I want to stop this habit now. It's already really bad and I can't imagine it getting worse.
lightprincess
December 13, 2010
hey syd, I'm sixteen too and I feel exactly the same way. If you would like, I think it would really be helpful to have someone to talk to who's working toward the same thing you are. It's almost New Year's, so it's a fantastic time to cut off this destructive part of ourselves. my email is paranominal@yahoo.com if you or anyone else would like to keep in touch about progress and stuff. I really can't wait to be free of this, and I hope it helps in other areas of my life as well.
HilC
December 14, 2010
Hello, I'm Hilary, I'm 20 and also struggling with skin picking. It's very hard to deal with as you all know. But, I'm also glad that we're not alone, we can come together in a group like this and help each other out, that is awesome :) Well, I'll tell you a little bit about myself. I'm the baby of my family, my brother and sister are all very well off in life and a lot older than me. I love them both, but they really put up the bar like for my parent and my parents expect me to be just like them, and I'm not, I'm me. When I was younger I was a really good swimmer. I swam for 10 years on a swim team in my town. I also loved singing. Then in high school, my main focus were guys. I dated two amazing different guys in high school and ever since haven't had much luck with dating. I went to one year of college and now am back home living with my parents working at the same grocery store I did in high school. I have great friends and family. I'm not quite sure when my picking started. Sometime around middle school aged when I started get acne. So it's been a long struggle. My parents ALWAYS make comments about my face, which really takes a toll on me. I've talked to my best friend about it a lot, and she's the only person I feel that truly doesn't judge me about it. LIke, my parents are always commenting me about it that I feel that I have to hide myself all the time in my own house. I never not have makeup on and when I do it's at night and that's it when all the lights are out. I've tried going to some therapy sessions, and it's helped a little but i'm still picking. I've realized though by going to the sessions that I have really bad anxiety and that is why I do the picking, it's my way of relieving the anxiety and stress that builds up but then right after I pick I regret it and feel guilt and self pitty. I hope you all don't think I'm a downer.... well too much of one, to be honest right now in my life I kinda am but I feel that stopping my picking will really help me out :) I wish every one else good luck too :)
Evey
December 20, 2010
Hey Hilary, it sounds like ur super hard on yourself. I think you should give yourself more credit for taking the proactive and brave step to go and get counselling, and also talking to your friend. You're definitely taking positive steps to stopping. It is hard not to get down about it, especially after a bad picking session, when you're so disgusted with yourself and don't want to leave the house. But, I have, even a few days without picking really gives me a boost and makes me feel strong. In addition to physical things, like using gloves, leaving the bathroom light off so I can't see in the mirror properly, I also set myself little targets, like picking an outfit that I'm going to wear on a night out, that I absolutely cannot have cuts or scabs on my chest, back, or arms to wear etc. Little goals make all the difference.

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