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Evey , 07 Dec 2010

Anyone else who just wants to stop? Let's help each other!

Hi All, I'm new to this forum and reading through all the posts, although bringing me to tears, also made me feel such a sense of relief and unity as my actions and feelings are mirrored by so, so many of you. My picking is out of control. I'm almost afraid to admit how long its gone on...at least 14 years...i'm 26 now. Like many of you, I pick almost everywhere possible, any bumps (real or imagined), ingrown hairs, blackheads, spots, scabs. I don't know why I do it - it doesn't seem to matter if I'm upset or not, it's just a complete and utter complusion. I'm pretty, good job, great friends and family, I take so much care of my appearance and work out like crazy - but every single day and night I maim myself. Going 1 day without picking would be a a huge achievement for me. I don't ever leave the house without make up, I don't go swimming anymore or do anything that would show off the tops of my legs. Often I have to force myself to leave the house after spending over an hour putting make up on and making sure the cuts and scabs I've made are covered as much as possible. I absolutely hate that I do this, I'm so, so ashamed of myself. The only person I have ever told about it was my ex (and that was becauseI couldn't hide it anymore) who was very understanding. I would give anything to stop. I've tried hypnotherapy, but sadly this didn't work for me. I saw another earlier post about the 21 day challenge and was wondering if anyone out there would like to start this with me this week? I really think it would help so much to check in with other people and see how we're all doing, posting each day to motivate each other. If anyone is interested please post and we could choose (God, I almost wrote "pick" there then thought the better of it!) a day to begin and go from there? During the 21 day period I'm going to force myself to wear gloves and a head scarf at night to stop the picking and turn off the light in my bathroom so I can't see in the mirror when I take my make up off. I just want to stop it so I can have a normal life. Thanks all, Evey
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no_more_yo
December 15, 2010
Hey you guys, kudos to all of us for being here and encouraging each other. I know I keep writing it, but it's really helping me. I'm at the end of day 7 now and it's still suuuper tempting to pick - "just a little bit", but you know where that will go - and tonight I even started to really examine my legs under a really bright light. No!! I actually have to tell myself out loud often - NO. The nice thing though is that I'm able to tell the difference between scabs, scars and the red bumps that I always pick at. Usually I can't even see those red bumps - KP, ingrown hairs, etc - because they don't last long enough and just become red sores. Now the scabs are shrinking, the scars are visible of course but I can easily tell them from the "fresh" bumps that I would normally be picking at. I'm interested in keeping an eye on some of the bigger ones to see if they shrink on thier own (I can't remember leaving one alone for long enough to see). I think this next week is going to be way harder as there is so much there that's tempting to pick, and it's so obvious. But at the same time, my goal is to get to the point where I'm actually able to see a dermatologist or show my friend who's an herbalist, and not have them say, "all I see is sores and scabs". So I'm getting there!
Evey
December 20, 2010
Well done! You're doing so fantasticly! No examining - it's the worst ever - i do that too, on my bed under the bright light - and once you see one bump so many more emerge. I'm so proud of us : ) it's great to share this with others. I know it's only been a small amount of nights without picking, but to me it's a great achievement and i know you can all relate to that. thanks guys!
Mr.Pink
December 16, 2010
I've been doing something like this all my life-when I was a kid it was biting my fingernails, later it was biting the inside of my jaw, now as an adult I pick at my arms and back. I think I pick at the scabs because I want my skin to feel smooth. And also it gives me pleasure to get the scabs off, even if I know they will be worse the next day. If one thinks about the fact that picking is actually self punishment it becomes a lot easier to stop. Because I know that, even though my whole childhood was very traumatic and damaging, I really didn't do anything wrong. I really didn't deserve what happened. I recently planned a trip to visit friends during the summer-I was going to be wearing sleeveless blouses and dresses that exposed my back. It took a lot of self control, especially since I don't seem to realize I'm picking until I find bloodstains on my blouses, but I actually cleaned up my sores. So this is what I did. I wore tight long sleeved shirts with high necks so I couldn't get at my arms and back. I cleaned the hurt areas every day with a loofa (may not be good for everyone, it's kind of harsh) and Neutrogena body soap. Then I treated each scab with Neosporin. I allowed myself one area to pick, my right arm. My left arm cleared up almost immediately. I also used moisturizer and vitamin e oil on my skin. Then I had to work on the right side. I allowed myself the top right side of my back to pick. I really did make it in time for the trip. Now I'm back and I'm picking like mad but I know that if I want to do it, I can. So I'm going to stop. I did it once, I can do it again. I worry that if I stop picking I will start another bad habit but anything has to be better than this. This is a wonderful site-I thought I was the only one. Good luck to everybody.
Evey
December 20, 2010
Very inspiring Mr P - you really weaned yourself out of a habit that, as everyone on here knows, is the hardest thing to break. I have every faith that you can do it again as you were so strong and stopped before. all you need is to find that resolve again. and use this forum as a source of encouragement, a place to vent, and to find some understanding
Henry
December 19, 2010
Well, I've not been here lately because I've not had any good news to report. I didn't even make it through day 3, and I've not made a decent effort since those first two days. -sigh-
Evey
December 20, 2010
Henry don't be discouraged - just start over again and don't beat yourself up about it. I've been doing the best I have in ages these last few nights. I wear the gloves every night and still distract myself with music when I get into bed, and it's really, really helping. i actually think I am slowly but surely breaking the night time habit. I have still done I bit of picking during the day, usually my scalp (which is not so great as hairdresser in 2 days) but do terrible session which has left me really cut. So progress can be made! Keep going, and let me know how you're getting on : )
REH5057
December 19, 2010
Hi, my name is Rachel and I'm 21 years old. I've picked at my skin for as long as I can remember. In every part of my life, there has been some form of self-mutilation going on. Not sure why I do it but, there you go. The worst part is my back. I've picked at my back for about 10 years now. I've never been able to wear a bathing suit in comfort or wear backless dresses because I'm so ashamed. However, enough is enough. I have told myself many times before that I am going to stop but this time is the real deal. I've recently caught the attention of a guy I have liked for a while and I will be damned if this habit keeps me from enjoying myself around him. My picking as lessened significantly over the past week and my back is beginning to heal quite well. There's still a few scabs that I've been covering with ointment and band aids. I've bought an exfoliating scrub and it makes my skin smooth and lifts away old scabs and dead skin. I still have much discoloration from all the picking but this will fade in time. It hasn't been easy to heal but I just reached the point where I told myself I didn't want to be 50 years old and still doing this. I have no one to blame but myself and I have total responsibility. If I want to get better and have clear skin, it's up to me. Every time I reach to pick at my back, I think of the shame I feel when picking out a bathing suit or the horrible scabs I see when I'd get out of the shower. These thoughts restrain me. Also, I've noticed that the more I heal, the easier it gets to stop picking. It's encouragement and you can actually see your progress. By the end of winter break, I plan to be scab free. It's a slow process but I'm satisfied with the steps I've made so far.
applegirl
December 19, 2010
rachel-im glad youre so strong! my worst areas are my chest and back, which makes wearing dresses soo difficult. i aways keep my hair down. but youre right, just imagining not having the scabs would be awesome. i think thats my new motivation, not always wearing a tshirt unless i have to dress up because i want to hide it all. i keep blaming it on acne, but its not acne, well not really. and i had a guy this past semester, now in the new one i think ill do my best to look good and enjoy myself. my goal is the end of winter break too! we've got this!
Evey
December 20, 2010
What a great, uplifting post Rachel - congratulations to you on your fantastic steps towards getting out of out terrible complusion. You are doing amazingly well : ) Buying new skin care products can be such a good incentive, and makes u want to take care of yourself a bit more, so the exfoliator is a fab idea. Please share anymore tips u have and keep up the good work!
Alleaha
December 21, 2010
Hi Rachel. I actually haven't written in for a couple years now but decided to check once again. Just wanted to say that hopefully you can get at least some control over this nasty ICD (impulse control disorder) while you're yet young. And I emphasize the word YOUNG! I started picking when I was 5 years old (popped every chicken pox on my body) and have continued doing it all my life. Unfortunately, I'm 46 now and it's only become worse (covered every reachable area on my body, except part of my back). I must admit, though, there are good days along with the bad days. It's hard to say what will work in the end. I think because everyone is different there's probably a different solution for each person, although I'm sure there must be some basic steps that work for everyone. You have to find what works for you. Anyhow, do keep focused and don't give up! Be happy with even the little accomplishments and try to accept yourself for who you are. Think of all the positive things you have to offer in a relationship. Just so you know, I've been married for 18 years now to a very supportive and loving husband. If you find the right partner in life, he'll love you no matter what! (BC, Canada)
no_more_yo
December 27, 2010
Hey everyone there, just wanted to come here and say that I'm on day 19 and feeling pretty darn good about how my skin looks. Now if I get up close to it (which I do) I can see sooooo many bumps that would usually be pretty awesome to pick. But I have a few things stopping me - one is you guys and thinking about how supportive everyone here is. Another is just imagining how disappointed I'd be after. And yesterday (Christmas day) I showed my best friend, my sister and my mum how my legs looked and they were all pretty happy for me and encouraged me to keep it up. Usually I'd never voluntarily show my legs, especially these past few months. But I think that helped me to get renewed enthusiasm for this challenge. Because honestly I wasn't really keeping good track of what day I was on, and I think that it's important to keep focusing on it every day or else I will just slip into my old habit, little by little. I've had to go a bit easy on myself anyway - this 21 days I'm really focusing on my body and on not just letting my hands and nails wander unconsciously. But in two days I'm gonna start another 21 days and step it up again - I'm going to attempt not to pick and chew at my fingers, and keep leaving my skin alone too. I might just keep repeating the 21 days for as long as I need to, keep focusing on it. Good luck to all of you and keep it up! ps - for anyone with dry skin problems, as I have, I recently started moisturizing with straight up extra virgin olive oil, right after my shower. It's working really well, a lot better than the quite expensive bottle of natural organic moisturizer I just finished. And no additives whatsoever.
sho1234
December 27, 2010
Well done no_more_yo! U can do it. I struggled today- the 1st day outta 21. I need to focus!
BlackSwan
December 27, 2010
Question: Does anyone who quit picking ever totally feel completely unbothered by a clogged pore? I am determined to force myself not to obsess over my skin, but I can't imagine not feeling like I want to "clear out" a blackhead/subtle clogged pore. I guess I just have to not act upon the impulse, even if I'm so strongly tempted. I have to trust that it's better to let things unclog themselves - like how in a Neutragena or Clearasil commercial they show a diagram of a pimple as a bump, they apply the solution, and the clogged matter dissipates down - and voila, clear skin! Hard to believe the stuff should go "in" slowly and naturally, rather than come bursting out by force.
no_more_yo
January 02, 2011
thanks a lot! it's nice to get feedback like that hey? yeah, it really is about focus. Sometimes I want to pick at something so badly that I have to repeatedly tell myself NO very firmly and literally wrench myself away and immediately do something - anything - else. For instance, for a long time there's been a super clogged pore on the back of my thigh that proooobably has an ingrown hair in it too. I'm thinking about it as a science experiment, to see what happens if I just leave it alone. But I can actually anticipate the feeling I'd get if I did pick at it - it would feel really good, but then I'd just want to do more to keep getting that good feeling. That's why I suspect there might be some kind of physical dependence going on here. I don't really know but I suspect. So the focus comes in to play there really strong in terms of not focusing on that anticipated good feeling and instead focusing on the really bad feeling (physical pain as well as psychological distress) that I would feel by going on a picking spree. But it's a lot, and I have to be pretty nice to myself in the process. For instance, I'd planned on starting a new 21 days for not picking my face and chewing and picking on my fingers in addition to leaving my body alone. Three days later and I'm still on day 1 with that. but I'm giving myself major pats on the back for still not picking at my legs/back/butt/stomach/breasts/arms. It feels good to congratulate yourself for any victories - try it!
Ans
December 31, 2010
Hi everyone, It has been really good to read the other posts on this thread. I have only ever spoken to my husband about my picking problem and fell ashamed and disgusted at what I inflict on my self. I used to pick at my legs a little when I was young, once I started getting pimples I picked at my face and now that the pimples have eased I have moved to my back. It just feels terrible to think that some scars I may never get rid of without expensive procedures that I am not really willing to undergo. I just have to remind myself that the sooner I stop the less scaring I will end up with. Today (new Year eve) seems the perfect time to begin the 21 days. I have found it helpful to get my husband to exfoliate my back, then when I do go searching for something to scratch the feeling of smoother skin reminds me not to make it worse and also that I would love to have beautiful skin that I don't fell ashamed of. I do feel like I have gotten a little better than a few years ago when I used to spend hours in front of the mirror, I had a little hand held mirror I would use at my bedside so if my husband came in I could pretend like I was reading a book or something so he wouldn't know what I was doing and how often/long I was doing it. Now I use the mirror less as I can't see my back anyway so it is usually just be feeling that I find something to pick. I really empathise with the feeling of 'making it better' by picking. I fell like I am somehow helping or cleansing the skin by removing the dirt etc. even though I know full well that it only makes things worse. I don't understand how that thought process works, it is so irrational yet powerful enough to let me give in to the urges. So I would be really interested to hear if anyone else is out there that will be starting their 21 days. Talking about it really helps, especially on a regular basis, it helps me to see and hopefully reverse the false things that I tell myself about what I am doing. I hope some of that made sense. Best of luck to everyone!
deathcab_88
December 31, 2010
Hey everyone! I'm going to join you guys and start the journey to stop picking. My story: I'm a model/actor trying to make it in the industry, never really felt good about myself and my self image growing up. I feel like i am cursed w/ coarse facial hair that leads to a lot of ingrown hairs and shaving every 2-3 days makes my skin worse. I started by just digging into the skin w/ a needle to remove the ingrown hair and then plucking the hair with tweezers. afterwards I would feel so much relief that the ingrown will be gone and not come back.. but that's not the case they keep coming back.. from that I started to obsess over every little imperfection on my face and would remove any black heads (especially on my nose) so my skin right now is not in the best shape. I feel like I am giving myself the acne I'm trying to get rid of. It's so sad that I even go to a dermatologist and he thinks he is treating me for acne when it's just me picking.. Anyway that's my story I just hope that I can stop this habit before I cause some real damage on my skin. If any one needs support or wants to support me please let me know and we can all help each other. Let's start a new chapter before the new year so we can overcome this together!
Shorty999
December 31, 2010
Hey deathcab...it's nice to hear that even actors feel this way...that they are not immortal either. My dermatologist knows that I pick and tells me not too, but the medicines will still help, just make sure your not on too much that it is too harsh on your skin and dries it out. The flaking and course skin makes me pick more than little pimples do. Good luck to ya!
Shorty999
December 31, 2010
Well, Im on day 2, and although I have not completely stopped picking, I have only picked at one spot instead of the 3 inflamed spots I have on my face, and not as long of a time either. Im also being more open with my boyfriend and expressing when it's bothering me, so he keeps saying "Just leave it alone...it looks fine." I'm trying.
Ans
January 01, 2011
I'm pretty much the same, second day and have picked a few times, definitely an improvement though. I have found I have been more aware which definitely helps me stop once I subconsciously start. Also knowing that you guys are out there and that I would really love to be able to post some positive results! But alas I am not there yet. Happy New Year!!

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