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htmk , 26 Mar 2011

i've got to stop

So I've been picking at my acne since I was about 10 and now that I'm 20 I've really got to stop doing this. I've been trying to stop for a few months now and had some success with taking a picture of my face every day and writing down how I did (I was never able to get more than 2 perfect days in a row but I picked a lot less overall). I live in a college apartment so I covered up the mirror in my wardrobe with pictures after bad picking sessions and lists of all the positive things that will happen when I stop and all the negative things that happen when I continue, the other mirror is out in the main hall so if anyone else is in the apartment I usually don't do it because I would be embarrassed if anyone saw me. This past week though I was on spring break and I went on a family trip and didn't pack any of my cleansers (no liquids in carry-ons thanks tsa) and I had access to a mirror with good lighting and a door to shut. It was absolutely terrible, I knew how bad it is for my skin, I knew that my family would be taking lots of pictures but I did it anyways. At first it felt so good but then I was disgusted with myself after each session but I still went back to the mirror again and again. I've got just over a month until the semester ends and I go back home and have access to a private mirror so I really want to kick the habit now when it's much harder for me to find a place to pick. My goal is to go for 30 days straight without touching my acne. I've read that it helps if you make yourself accountable to someone besides yourself and since I find it very hard (and embarrassing) to confide in anyone I know about my problem, I'm going to try and post everyday on this board how I do each day. It took me a long time to realize how destructive this habit is and even longer to honestly want to stop doing this for good but I know that if I don't get a handle on this now it's going to be even harder to stop and my skin will be more scarred
28 Answers
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waylander
March 27, 2011
congratulations on deciding to do it, and good luck! you've had some really good ideas there, and i think its a great idea to keep us posted on how you're doing. I can entirelty empathise, why are hotel mirrors so great at showing imperfections? i often go on holiday with ok skin and come back with a face like a pizza..! go for it, if you want to stop you certainly can, and i thin k in 30 days you will have broken this problem!
htmk
March 28, 2011
Alright day one mostly a success, I did absent mindedly touch my skin today but I didn't pick at it and i didn't look in the mirror and pick anything. One thing that helped was reading through this website (http://www.stoppickingonme.com/background_b14.php) which details exactly what's going on underneath your skin, how the body fights off acne on it's own and all the damage that picking does, it was very eye opening and I highly recommend it. Another thing is that I did some math and estimated that if I spend an average of 45 minutes a day picking my skin for the last 10 years that I have wasted about 115 DAYS of my life picking, that is a lot of time that I could have spent doing things that are so much more productive and so much better for me
antelopes
March 28, 2011
hey, i was reading your post and can totally relate. i myself have ruined many family vacations because of my picking habit. listen, you really need to confide in someone about your what's going on. yes, it's embarrassing, but EVERYONE has something embarrassing. believe me, this will make it so much easier for you. you've already done the first and most important step, admitting to yourself that your suffering is too much to handle. now, you need to move onto to saying this outlund to somebody who cares about you. the healing process and stopping picking is really hard, and it's too much to ask yourself to go through such an emotionally powerful and stressful thing alone. YOU CAN'T DO IT ALL BY YOURSELF. honestly, people are understanding. choose someone you trust, and tell them what's going on. you won't regret it. i'm in the middle of a 'healing' from this habit too. it took me years to tell my boyfriend, closest friends and even my parents. the people who love you want you to be happy and healthy. tell them! they won't judge you. this forum is obviously am amazing resource, but i really really believe that you need to tell somebody who you can speak to face to face, or call up and talk to when the going gets tough. i wish i'd had to courage to speak up in college. (i'm now in my late twenties.)
htmk
March 29, 2011
thanks, I'll definitely take that to heart. It'll be hard since I've been hiding it for so long and I'm not really good at trusting or confiding in people I know but I think that you're right and that it would be good for me. I've felt so much better these past few days finally discussing my problem (and admitting I have a problem) just on this forum, I tend to bottle up all my problems and keep them to myself so being able to get some of this off my chest after 10 years feels great
htmk
March 29, 2011
day 2 no picking (hooray) the hardest part is not absentmindedly picking when I'm just doing work or something but every time i catch myself starting to do it I find something to occupy my hands.
htmk
March 30, 2011
day 3 perfect three day streak breaking my previous record. It's going to be really tough since I'm on the final stretch of the semester so the next month is non stop tests and projects, does anyone have any tips on how they deal with stress without picking?
htmk
March 31, 2011
whew made it through day 4, I'm having urges to pick less often but when I have them they are a lot stronger, but I know that if I let myself pick just one that I'll go nuts and pick every bit of my face. I feel good that I'm on a roll and I'm starting to see some good results with my skin clearing up so that helps motivate me to not pick at anything
htmk
April 01, 2011
Day 5 still going strong, I looked at my face up close in a bathroom mirror today and it was so tempting to go nuts on all my clogged pores but then I took a step back and looked at my face from a reasonable distance and realized how great my skin looks, I'm really glad I decided to stop, I feel a lot more confident and I'm not paranoid about how my face looks all the time
gg95
April 01, 2011
i think it is amazing how well you have done. Unfortunately, i have this same issue except i pick the pores on my chest area. i feel ugly and idiotic and you have given me hope that i can quit. i know i do it because of lack of sleep and stress from revision for my studies. Hopefully one day soon i will feel confident in a bikini or a top that isnt high neck. Well done for stepping back. For me it is when i get in the shower and have a good look at myself in the mirror then cannot stop. then five minutes later i feel like shit for having absoloutely no self control
htmk
April 02, 2011
I know what you mean, when I go to take a shower is one of the hardest times to resist since there's nothing between you and those whiteheads besides your willpower. I completely understand about wanting to wear bikinis and spaghetti straps/halter top type shirts, I live in Florida when I'm not at college and one of the things that motivated me is that I really want to be able to walk around in a bathing suit without being self conscious of the acne and blemishes on my back and chest
sho1234
April 01, 2011
Thats great news htmk- well done. Keep doing that and keep in control of it XX
htmk
April 02, 2011
Ok so I had a small slip today, I let the stress get to me. After pulling almost an all nighter studying for my discrete mathematics test and 3 milestones that are due in the next 4 days for my software engineering project i found myself picking at a few little whiteheads on my shoulder. I'm going to take it as a victory though because I was able stop myself and I didn't go to my mirror whereas before under this kind of stress I would've spent at least an hour picking at every white/black head or clogged pore I could find. I'm not going to start over because I know my attitude would be oh well if I have to start over from day 1 I might as well pick the hell out of my face tonight. So today was a minor stumbling block but I'm not going to let it get me down or stop me from reaching my goal
htmk
April 03, 2011
Day 7, I ran an all night gaming tournament from 3pm to 2am so luckily that didn't leave me with much time to pick. Once I got back to my apartment though I unconsciously started walking towards the mirror, I was able to catch myself and walk away but it made me realize how ingrained this is as a habit because for 10 years every time I got home I went and picked without even thinking about it. I made it through today without picking anything, a lot of my motivation came with how disappointed I was with myself for messing with those 3 whiteheads yesterday so at least something positive came out of it
htmk
April 04, 2011
Day 8 I can't believe that I made it past a week, I've never gone this long without picking. My skin is pretty clear as far as large acne but whenever i touch my face to wash it or put on sunscreen I can feel all the bumps of the little black heads and clogged pores which drives me nuts because I could probably "get rid of it" with one little squeeze. I just have to remind myself that my definition of getting rid of a pimple actually breaks my skin and exposes other pores to all the bacteria inside the one I picked and it damages the sensitive layers of skin underneath. One thing I've started to do now is when I get the urge to pick at one of the little ones I let myself look in the mirror but only from 2-3 feet away to remind myself that my face looks fine and no one else will even notice them but me.
picker19
April 04, 2011
Wow, I just discovered this site and I didn't realize that this problem was actually a disease and that other people suffered from it as well. I couldn't believe it and tears came to my eyes reading everyone's stories because they are just like mine, while I had always felt like I was the only one. I'm 19 and in college as well, I can't even remember when I started picking it has been so long, I don't even remember when I ever had clear skin. I am so emberassed and ashamed of my face that I've never talked to anyone about the issue. My mom has seen me picking my face but all she says is to just stop, but it's not that simple. I have wasted so much time every day picking at my skin, I lose sleep, it has gotten even worse and has started to affect my performance in school. I put on so much makeup several times a day just to try and cover it, but it still doesn't seem like enough and I know people are looking at my skin because of how bad it looks. I have low self-esteem and I feel like I have missed out on many opportunities because of my skin. I am so glad that other people can relate to this. I really want to stop picking and start living my life. If anyone wants to talk about this problem for support or has any ways that they have been successful in stopping please let me know. My email is hollanja@dukes.jmu.edu
htmk
April 05, 2011
That was pretty much my reaction when I found this site about 2 weeks ago "wait it's not just me? I'm not crazy" lol That seems to be one of the hardest things about this is that non pickers just don't seem to understand that it's not as simple as just stopping, it's a vicious cycle of picking and then having low self esteem and then picking more because you feel so insecure and so on. It's a cycle that can easily spiral out of control but at some point you have to decide that you want to break the cycle and do everything in your power resist picking until you can stop for good. The first thing that helped me was to cover up my mirrors so I can't have long picking sessions in front of a mirror anymore, I just have to worry about stopping absent minded picking when I'm just sitting around. This forum is also a great resource as well, I had been trying for several months to really stop and I've done so much better after coming here because I can talk to people who know exactly what I'm going through. Don't let picking ruin your life, it's not going to be easy to stop but you're not alone anymore and we're all here to support you!
htmk
April 05, 2011
day 9, another good day hooray. It's still tough to resist but when I'm not at home and am not tempted to pick at anything I feel great, for the first time in a long time I'm not worried about what my face looks like or hiding up some giant scab on my face. I did feel a nice whitehead on my forehead and it felt like it would have been the most natural thing in the world to just give it a little squeeze and get all the puss and oil out of it but I stayed strong and didn't, how can something so bad for us feel so right?
htmk
April 06, 2011
Day 10, double digits wohoo! lol another good day, I feel like I'm finally getting a handle on this problem and I wasn't even very tempted to pick today. I also noticed that since I stopped picking i've only had tiny whiteheads and clogged pores, my normal large often cystic acne has all but disappeared. For the longest time I was of the mind frame that I picked because I had pimples but I should have looked at it as I had pimples because I picked. My skin has been doing so much better than it has in years, I'm so glad I finally decided to ditch this habit once and for all
htmk
April 07, 2011
Day 11 no picking, I'm feeling really good about myself and feel a lot more confident without having to worry about what my face looks like. Today I randomly decided to draw myself, and I realized that despite the fact that I've been drawing since I was 5 I haven't drawn myself since I was maybe 9 or so. I guess it's just been that long since I felt comfortable and confident about who I am. I also really want to tell my mom about how well I've been doing (we've never really discussed my problem but she has to know by now) but I don't think she really knows the severity of my problem and how hard I've been struggling to stop, so yeah I'm not really sure how to get the ball rolling on that conversation so any suggestions would be appreciated!
htmk
April 08, 2011
day 12, still going strong. I''m finding that even though part of me still wants to pick at my acne there is a stronger part that is able to say no because I love how great I feel when I haven't picked at my face

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