my progress

Hi valentine and skreed29. Valentine I saw another thread where you posted a reply to teenpicker and I want to commend you for your outreaching support to the sufferers on this forum. I also applaud your perseverance and the progress you have made in controlling your impulses. I myself am a therapist (although currently unemployed and yet to be licensed) and although I know all about the treatments and know all the things someone with CSP should and should not do, I myself still struggle daily (if not hourly) with compulsive skin picking. I have struggled with it since adolescence, when I first started getting acne (acne is my target area) although I remember picking scabs occasionally when I was a child. I also have struggled with OCD for the past 20 years or so (I'm one of the 23-25% of OCD sufferers who also have CSP -lucky me!! :P ) and was diagnosed with Major Depressive D/O at 15. While I take medications that significantly reduce my OCD (Paxil (aka Paroxetine) was truly a God-send and I have taken it for over 10 years) and depressive symptoms, for most people, medication does not completely eradicate the disorder or its symptoms. The rule of thumb with psychopharmacology, particularly with anxiety disorders, is that if the medication is lessening the symptoms and associated distress to the point that you can start to have some sense of control and empowerment in fighting back, then the medication is working!! That's when therapy becomes essential. So, I did that for about 8 years too -as the client- and it still benefits me as a practitioner. Getting back to my point -which I will make now :P -my CSP was never something I really acknowledged so it never got better. It was more bearable than my other problems, until now. Now, it has gotten to the point that I must acknowledge that the problem is there. Whereas it used to be just my face -maybe my back a little, NOW it is my breasts, my pubic area (those cursed ingrown hairs!!), all over my back and shoulders, and even my upper arms. In the past couple weeks, I've also began to...ugh, I hate to say the word...PICK my hips and buttocks. The worst part (and I saw someone mentioned this elsewhere on the forum) is that for the past year or two, I've started to pick at my husband as well. It's hard to acknowledge that I've let that go on for two years -now, he's never been okay with it, mind you, but only within the past 6 months or so has he really been resistant -and reasonably so. What's even worse, is I get irritated at him when he protests my picking at him. I know he has every right to say no to that and really, I wish he would never let me do it AT ALL, but he's just trying to be patient. Problem is, the more he allows me to do, the more I do. I can't do this to my husband or myself anymore -I'm a pretty woman and I'm still young-looking, (for now :P ) -except for the red spots and bumps sprinkled around on my face -and to see the dozens of red sores and scabs on my arms and back -I feel so ashamed and wonder how my husband could possibly find me attractive. It's painful because I know he used to really think I was pretty and attractive, and I just can't imagine him feeling that way now. If he didn't know what caused the marks, then maybe it wouldn't seem so bad, but he knows, and I feel so disgusting and guilty for making myself look like this. So, it has to stop. I'm trying to think of ways to keep my hands busy as I tend to absent-mindedly pick while I'm watching tv, or reading, or lying in bed. I've also thought of wearing gloves, or putting band-aids over the tips of my fingers. Anything that works for the meantime, while I'm trying to heal my sores and develop permanent solutions. I think working on being mindful of our picking as well as our feelings when we are feeling anxious is one of the main keys. However, I think this is something people like us will have to continue to cope with and control indefinitely. I'm going to do like you skreed29 and valentine, make short-term goals, but we must remember that telling ourselves that we are just not going to 'pick' -is not enough. We pick as a means to self-soothe, to cope with anxiety/stress and if you take that away, you have to put something else in its place -a better coping mechanism. This isn't a typical habit that can be broken in 30 days. This is a chemical imbalance in our brain, a chronic psychological/medical condition, that we have to learn to contend with on a daily basis. Knowledge is power, as is self-awareness. Let's take it day by day, like you ladies have suggested. Tomorrow my goal is going to be to try and be aware of when I'm starting to pick, and to brainstorm ways I can re-direct myself when I feel compelled to start picking. Can I join in the fight with you ladies? I'm ready to take this head-on and gain control. It's time I really fight this.

Thanks Sarah. I did pick again today but very little. I was looking over the thread I started in February and realize that I am picking much less than I used to but it's like the better I get, the less tolerance I have for "slips," you know? Anyway: tomorrow marks 24 days til my boyfriend and I are back in the same place so I'm hoping that 24 will be a magic number for me. I'd love to try and amass all those days before he comes but for now I'm just hoping to get to this time tomorrow. Fingers crossed. And thanks for the encouraging words!