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skreed29 , 24 May 2012

my progress

my name is sarah, i live in southern indiana. im 18 years old and have been picking since i was about 10. i am mildly ocd, and have been literally since i can remember but didnt understand it when i was younger, looking back its very obvious though. i also have bdd(body dismorphic disorder) probably since about 7th grade, and i pick at my skin compulsively. right now i mostly pick at my face, even though at some points in the past i have picked at my back, chest, arms, legs, and pubic area. thankfully, these places are now healed for the most part and very nice looking. i have never felt close to my parents(who were divorced when i was 2, my brother was 5) or most of my family. i would say my closest relative is my older brother. he suffers with a lot of the same issues as me. i live with my boyfriend, who i have been with for a little more than 2 years, he tries to be supportive of my picking compulsion but i think its very hard to understand when you arent in the same boat. i consider myself to have a very beautiful body, and when my face isnt covered in spots and wounds and scars, its awfully cute too, but the picking is holding me back from feeling good about myself. i graduated highschool recently and am taking some time off (no work or school) to heal on the inside and on the outside. im going to post here everyday, maybe even more than once to just post my progress and thoughts about the day, or if i find something new and helpful. at the moment i am 3 days clean (: going on 4
328 Answers
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skreed29
July 25, 2012
its funny that you mention it because actually, i eat a lemon every day ! like i would eat an orange. haha. i dont really know why but i have for a while ! i have always appreciated really intense flavors. like things that are super sour or spicy. always go to brush my teeth right after though, of course. i will stay postive (: and i really hope you do too.
skreed29
July 25, 2012
so for the past few days i have been getting these throbbing headaches in the back of my head near my neck when i start working out, i googled it and i guess its relatively common but it hurt so bad today that i had to stop my workout. its frustrating because i love working out, it makes me feel good a bout myself, but i think i should probably take it easy for a little bit. i feel so guilty when i skip a workout though.. so im gonna try to not give up altogether, but just do some gentler excercises. no picking yesterday, or today so far ! i think i will get through the weekend because niko is off work from now until sunday ! i was up way too early this morning though and i think i need to take a nap now.
valentine
July 26, 2012
Sarah: have you mentioned the headaches to your primary care doctor? It's probably important just to run it by them, so they have a record of it and everything. And it sounds like you're super healthy in lots of ways but maybe if the headaches keep up it would be a good idea to get a checkup? You know, just to be safe?...
skreed29
July 27, 2012
no picking yesterday. here comes the hard part but i will get through it this time (:
skreed29
July 28, 2012
big show tonight.. this morning i picked at 5 really on the surface spots, then i stopped, exfoliated and put on and anti inflammatory honey mask.. and then i did my morning workout ! i could have done so much worse and im proud that i didnt. i was feeling guilty but i did super minimal damage and i need to forgive myself. i also need to remember that i treat my body so well and even if i do pick its not the end of the world. i still have a beautiful skin everywhere else. and big pretty eyes and juiiccccyy lips and a wonderful body (: im glad im me (: (: thats what i need to be focused on
skreed29
July 28, 2012
when i have a day where i pick a few spots, i notice a pattern of usually having a serious session the next day. just making a note to myself that thats not going to happen tomorrow. its just not.
forbetterdays
July 28, 2012
I've been having similar thoughts lately! I think that my picking has really made me appreciate my beauty. I know what it's like to really hate what I see in the mirror, whenever my picking is bad. Now that I am able to control my picking and my skin is clearing, I see a beautiful girl with long, naturally blond and wavy hair, dark eyebrows and beautiful light green eyes and a wonderful fit and toned body from years of doing sports and eating well :) I'm not saying this to sound like an arrogant idiot, it's just been so long like I have been able to feel like this, and to like what I see in the mirror! This kind of thinking is great to keep myself from picking as well. I am beautiful, and I wish I could let myself believe that a bit more often. Everyone should really just focus on what they like about themselves.
skreed29
July 29, 2012
i have been eating kind of crappy lately because i have been busy, not even having time to go home and eat sometimes so im sad about that.. and also not feeling as good as usual physically. today i really need to just eat foods that make me feel good and let myself detox haha. im hoping ill feel better tomorrow and will get through today with no picking. when i feel crappy im more likely to pick so im scared. im excited to get back on track though (: big plans friday and i hope i can be even more healed by then. my face at this point looks suprisingly good with no makeup.. from a distance. its more even, but not so good texturally. doesnt look much better when i am wearing makeup ): i need to clean today and workout and cut my finger and toenails ! after i do all that i think i will be safer from picking and also feel a lot better (:
valentine
July 29, 2012
Sarah I think you will feel better after doing those things. They always help me. And tomorrow is a fresh day..plus lots of days away from Friday so plenty of time for more healing. Hang in there..we've got your back.
skreed29
July 29, 2012
i always like to add healthy new elements to my diet and i think i found a new one ! i got a half liter water bottle, opened it, drank a big gulp so there was some extra room in the bottle and then added some honey, about 1/8th of a teaspoon of cayenne powder and the juice of a freshly squeezed lemon. i know that cayenne is good for digestion, lemon is super cleansing and the honey just makes it go down a little easier. even though there are a bajillion health benefits of honey. its not the greatest tasting concoction but its so energizing and refreshing. i think from now on i will do this first thing in the morning ! (:
skreed29
July 30, 2012
i picked at 4 spots ): then i stopped myself. i feel guilty though.. like really. im depressed tonight ): i need to get over it
skreed29
July 30, 2012
doing well today but im breaking out on the sides of my chin. probably has a lot to do with pms but still very difficult an annoying.. i had to exfoliate this morning to keep myself from relapsing. i like to keep exfoliation to wednesdays and a saturdays but i had to today, it was an emergency and it saved me. also lately, i started using honey as a face mask but something i find helpful is just keeping honey on my face the whole time i am awake at home with no makeup on !
skreed29
July 31, 2012
this evening i picked at 3 spots.. then i stopped. im mad, but im glad.. my face is so broken out. i dont know how i am handling it, but i hope this is the final round of healing and that my skin really really starts to improve finally. im starting to see some of the scars that will be left behind on my cheeks, and its depressing.. when im feeling really vulnerable it makes me think i might as well just stop trying to quit.. but i know that if i dont stop much much more damage will be done. i see these people with just perfect flawless skin and i get so jealous and sad ): because i know i will never really be comfortable without makeup.. but i have to do what i can now ! hopefully tomorrow will be a better feeling day for me
skreed29
July 31, 2012
today doesnt feel very much better.. i think im just experiencing the hardest part of my healing process. i soo hope this gets easier soon.

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