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skreed29 , 24 May 2012

my progress

my name is sarah, i live in southern indiana. im 18 years old and have been picking since i was about 10. i am mildly ocd, and have been literally since i can remember but didnt understand it when i was younger, looking back its very obvious though. i also have bdd(body dismorphic disorder) probably since about 7th grade, and i pick at my skin compulsively. right now i mostly pick at my face, even though at some points in the past i have picked at my back, chest, arms, legs, and pubic area. thankfully, these places are now healed for the most part and very nice looking. i have never felt close to my parents(who were divorced when i was 2, my brother was 5) or most of my family. i would say my closest relative is my older brother. he suffers with a lot of the same issues as me. i live with my boyfriend, who i have been with for a little more than 2 years, he tries to be supportive of my picking compulsion but i think its very hard to understand when you arent in the same boat. i consider myself to have a very beautiful body, and when my face isnt covered in spots and wounds and scars, its awfully cute too, but the picking is holding me back from feeling good about myself. i graduated highschool recently and am taking some time off (no work or school) to heal on the inside and on the outside. im going to post here everyday, maybe even more than once to just post my progress and thoughts about the day, or if i find something new and helpful. at the moment i am 3 days clean (: going on 4
328 Answers
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skreed29
September 09, 2012
i picked really bad and my face is really sore and swollen and im crying.......... why cant i do this ?
skreed29
September 09, 2012
okay, im back ! i gotta pick myself back up and get to healing. i was really depressed but im going to eat some yummy and healing foods to drown my sorrows. i didnt workout this morning but im gonna try to tonight because if i go a whole day without i know i will feel like crap. tell me something encouraging !
skreed29
September 09, 2012
i want to heal so bad. i dont know why i let this happen today but never again ! i have a life to live !!!!! i feel like when my face looks like this, i shouldnt try to dress up cute or do pretty things with my hair.. like people will just look at me and wonder why i even try when my skin is such a mess. i want to go on dates at fancy restaurants and dress up ! and actually feel like i am the prettiest ! so i need to let myself heal. i hate that everytime i pick im making more scars.. it breaks my heart
Emmi
September 10, 2012
Skreed, please dont beat yourself up, dressing up pretty and cute and doing nice things with your hair and going out shows people your proud of who you are and that the spots dont affect you, they dont control you. I say dress up cute! and make your hair look pretty! I know its hard and you feel like the spots make it worthless, but I bet you look alot better then you think! People arnt looking at your skin as closely as you :) they will see your beauty as a whole, not as individual parts of you :) I say stop letting these spots stop you from doing the things you really want to do, take your life back into your own hands :) Im sure you look beautiful regardless of them. :)
skreed29
September 10, 2012
im bribing myself not to pick (: probably dumb but it will work !!!! excited to be healed !
skreed29
September 10, 2012
im going without makeup for as long as i possibly can.. and only using water on my face in hopes that the healing will go faster this time and i can finally get through it ! i want to heal so bad so i can start working on getting rid of my scars and not be so self consious anymore ! healing is ALL i want right now. i want it so bad that i cant possibly sabotage myself. theres just no way.
skreed29
September 11, 2012
im beating it this time! im going to heal because i want to so bad. i know there will be times where im anxious and having to fight myself, but it will be worth it. im done picking (: looking in the mirror as little as possible and putting on makeup as little as possible. i dont want to make anymore scars. if i stop picking now (which i am) i will be healed and my face will be a million times smoother in just a few weeks, and in a few months my scars will be smaller and lighter ! and in a few years i might even be flawless ! i can start enjoying myself and feeling pretty so so soon ! why in the world would i pick when its just setting me back and putting me further and further away from where i want to be ? well i wont anymore. im happy (:
skreed29
September 12, 2012
feeling so happy and so alive to be free from picking ! i know that im gonna do it this time !!!!!!!!!!!!!
skreed29
September 13, 2012
when my face is in the really itchy stage, since i dont like to put wierd creams and stuff on it i just turn on a fan and sit in front of it. sounds kind of dumb but it feels good and relieves the itch (: you should try it !
little-love
September 13, 2012
Hi :0) I am into my second week of no picking and so far it is going really well! I had a weird thought today though, kind of like 'what am I going to do if I stop picking?' like picking has become such a part of my life that when I have it out of my life it's like losing a jo or breaking up with a boyfriend...does that make sense? Like what will I replace it with?? Just wondered if anyone else though like this? It's been such a big part of my life for the past 5 or so years that I think I will kind of feel lost without it. How else will I cope with stresses and worries if I can't pick my skin?....x
skreed29
September 13, 2012
ive thought about it plenty and decided that, once im done with picking (which i now am!!! (: ).. i will spend the time i used to spend picking doing things that i used to be afraid to do because of how i looked. or doing something to improve myself ! being happy and enjoying myself like i rarely used to be able to ! its not at all like breaking up with a boyfriend because it isnt bittersweet ! just SWEET (: i wont miss it at all, it ruined my life and im so glad to be free from it. im not afraid at all of how i will deal with stress in my new pick free life... it will probably be hard at first but i will figure something out. im done mutilating myself and that alone takes away lots of stress from my life (: i cant wait to be healed in a few weeks or a month or so... being done with picking is the most important thing to me, as long as i have control of that, i can deal with everything else
little-love
September 13, 2012
Yeah I really want the freedom to do what I want , when I want! Its more that I am worried what will replace my stress relief, as I don't want to take it out on my skin. Because I am someone that stresses a lot and I would love to change that anyway, but in the meanwhile I would love to find something that gives me the same satisfaction as squeezing if you understand me? Although I do kinda agree with what you said abotut eh picking being a huuuuuggeee part of the stress so maybe I won't find myself as stressy once I overcome this...hmmmmmm....x
Emmi
September 13, 2012
Little Love, Think about it this way.. If you had a boyfriend who was treating your horrible, he was stopping you from going places with friends, stopping you from experiencing things in life you've always wanted to experience, making you feel bad about your appearance, putting you down emotionally, Causing embarrassment and making you extremely self conscious and horrible.. Would you feel like your losing something if you broke up with him, Sure, he might have made you feel nice 10% of the time, but for the other 90% you felt like crap. You'd have a bit of an emotional trip, a feeling of being lost and not knowing what to do with your self, but within a week you start to fill that time up with seeing friends and spending quality time with your family, you start to go out places you've always wanted to go, you start to get compliments from young fellas walking past you in the street, or at that coffee shop you go to regularly now, because you no longer feel like you need to hide away.. slowly but surely your confidence builds back up and your time is filled with ALL the things you wanted to do, but couldn't because of that horrible boyfriend.. See your picking as a horrible boyfriend who's preventing you doing all the things you want to do, and DUMP his ass, LIVE your life the way you always wanted too! I can guarantee you wont miss it for long. and if you get the urge to pick, Paint your nails with clear nail polish, nice and thick, even a few coats, but dont buff it before you put in on, when it dries, pick it off.. no one will know you have nail polish on cause its clear, but you get the satisfying feeling you use to get from picking your skin :) Thats what I do when I feel like a pick :) Hope this helps Hun :) x
olivegreen
September 13, 2012
I'd like to make one kind suggestion I read from another "picker" on here--instead of saying "my face will be healed" say "my face is healed." There is power in changing the statement to the present! Good luck to you, I'm in this battle with you. I'm on day 2 :)
skreed29
September 14, 2012
i am a non picker ! i didnt want to lie to myself and say that my face is already healed when its not ! i know it will be soon though because i dont pick anymore (:
Emmi
September 14, 2012
I can understand that, maybe you could tell your self "My face is healing more and more every day" so your still talking in present terms, without telling your self something that is not correct :)
skreed29
September 14, 2012
i have been ! i have to remind myself that my face is healing more and more by the SECOND to keep my sanity during this process, haha. im very confident and believe im doing exactly what i need to do to get through it for real this time !

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