Online Test

Find out the severity of your symptoms with this free online test

Take the test
skreed29 , 24 May 2012

my progress

my name is sarah, i live in southern indiana. im 18 years old and have been picking since i was about 10. i am mildly ocd, and have been literally since i can remember but didnt understand it when i was younger, looking back its very obvious though. i also have bdd(body dismorphic disorder) probably since about 7th grade, and i pick at my skin compulsively. right now i mostly pick at my face, even though at some points in the past i have picked at my back, chest, arms, legs, and pubic area. thankfully, these places are now healed for the most part and very nice looking. i have never felt close to my parents(who were divorced when i was 2, my brother was 5) or most of my family. i would say my closest relative is my older brother. he suffers with a lot of the same issues as me. i live with my boyfriend, who i have been with for a little more than 2 years, he tries to be supportive of my picking compulsion but i think its very hard to understand when you arent in the same boat. i consider myself to have a very beautiful body, and when my face isnt covered in spots and wounds and scars, its awfully cute too, but the picking is holding me back from feeling good about myself. i graduated highschool recently and am taking some time off (no work or school) to heal on the inside and on the outside. im going to post here everyday, maybe even more than once to just post my progress and thoughts about the day, or if i find something new and helpful. at the moment i am 3 days clean (: going on 4
328 Answers
Add Comment
skreed29
September 13, 2012
i love myself (: so glad to not be a picker anymore..
skreed29
September 13, 2012
im so excited to be healed and take advantage of the potential i have to look so beautiful ! i miss my family and have been putting off visiting them because i didnt want them to see the mess i made of myself. there are so many things i want to do and places i want to go im opening up my whole world by being done with picking (: i cannot contain my excitement !
skreed29
September 14, 2012
i have so much hope and im so so glad that i live the healthy lifestyle that i do.. its nice to know that with every squat i squat and with every bite i take, im helping my face heal ! working out and eating right are so important and they seriously speed up healing and make you feel good and even make you less prone to scarring ! when i managed not to pick previously, i had sooo much self respect and now that ive quit for good, i cant even imagine how my self confidence will benefit. most people say that my vegan(except eggs, eggs are the only animal product i eat), gluten/refined sugar/ vegetable oil/ soy free diet is extreme but i disagree.. i think im fueling my body with just what it needs ! im healing every second and im excited to be able to say that i am HEALED. i cant remember the last time i didnt have some area on my body that i picked, but im there now (: and everyday getting closer and closer to where i want to be physically. i love treating my body right and feeling good and energetic as a result ! soooooo excited for the very near future (: (: (: (: (:
skreed29
September 17, 2012
thanks for the reassurance emmi (: i think if i continue to not pick (which i will, because i quit !) my face will be perfect soon too. i think my face skin is dying to match the healthy pretty skin all over the rest of my body. i occasionally get 1 little zit on my chest or on my back and can usually link it to my period or a special occasion where i ate some ice cream or something. pretty sure the spots on my face are excoriated acne that i have self inflicted because they always pop up within a week of a serious picking session ! i have been pick free for a week and am now seriously healing (: (:
skreed29
September 15, 2012
itching like crazy ! but getting by. ive been trying to increase my awareness by thinking about some of my triggers, i think a really important one is feeling alone or uncared for. i have never been close with my family, i moved out when i was 17 and talk to each of my parents probably once a month. i know thats more than a lot of people do but compared to many other 18 year olds who still live with their parents, its not. i have always had trouble getting close to people. at times i have considered myself to have many 'friends', but not many people i could trust or rely on. usually its really just been one person who i let my gaurd down for at a time. right now and for the past 2 and a half years, it has been my boyfriend, niko. ive noticed that im much more prone to pick when we have a fight and he has to leave for work or he falls asleep and there are still bad feelings between us. hes pretty much all i have and at those times, i feel like i dont have him and its very lonely. thankfully that hasnt been happening so much lately (*knock on wood*). he knows i have decided to quit and i told him he needs to be extra nice and love me as much as he can for the next few weeks to help me through this. hes very supportive and such a sweetheart most of the time, but sometimes i just wish he understood more about dermatillomania and ocd. im getting through it this time.. i know i am because i keep thinking about how if i relapse, i will just have wasted a few more weeks of my life and ill have to go through this all over again. its very very difficult but i know it will be so much more than worth it. im healing every second.. the itching meands healing and the worse i itch the faster i am healing (: i have come close to losing my mind a few times, but better that than have a relapse. im going to do this, im going to do this, im going to do this. im so strong and its in my control and i can do whatever i put my mind to. i have been trying to quit for so long, but i guess just trying wasnt good enough. i had/have to just put every single speck of courage and patience and restraint i can muster into DOING it right, not trying. making a serious commitment to improve my life.
skreed29
September 16, 2012
i have a job interview this afternoon ! im so excited because i know if i get this job, it will improve my life in so many ways. and most importantly, i will have people i have to see and look pretty for everyday !!! that will such a good motivator not to pick (even though i already quit) and i can buy myself fancy stuff. like i really want the whole cook for the cure collection by kitchen aid ! because its for breast cancer and everything is this sweet pretty shade of pink. it will feel so good to be able to buy it with my own money (: (: (: im too excited. the things i have wanted the most lately are to heal and to have a job, because if i get this job, we will be making almost 2x as much money as before and really wont have to worry about a thing ! and not only will i have more motivation to quit picking, but a lot more time where i dont even have the opportunity to. i will let you guys know later if i got the job or not (: i have really high hopes even though thats probably not very smart haha
skreed29
September 18, 2012
i just had a 6 spot relapse.. im mad ): but i have to move on...................... i quit !
skreed29
September 18, 2012
feeling crappy today. i could have picked way worse. it was only 6 spots.. i need to remind myself that i was able to stop myself and thats important. i havent been able to make it past a week lately but yesterday was the 8th day, so thats an improvement. and it was only 6 spots ! i want to heal though so i decided that if i make it to a week from today (tuesday. and i WILL make it) i get to order this fancy new makeup i have been wanting. and also i better not pick because in TWO WEEKS from today i decided i want to start my vitamin e scar therapy and i dont think thats a good idea with open wounds or active breakouts so i better not sabotage myself ! i need some words of encouragement. this is a hard thing to deal with ): i get so mad when i relapse even a little because it makes me feel like i am stupid and worthless and i should just be able to stop. im quitting picking today though. re quitting. i have to put makeup on for a little bit today, but hopefully i can avoid it after that until saturday and get some serious healing done. im giving myself 2 weeks to have no wounds and hopefully no breakouts so i better make the most of it. i know it is a realistic goal for me as long as i really commit to quitting. which i am !!!!
Emmi
September 19, 2012
Sarah! Snap out of feeling worthless and stupid! it doesnt help! people have relapses, Hell I havent pick for 7 months now, and the past week ive been picking again.. I have said so many times to so many people that we are only human, its hard to break a habit but YOU WILL get there. and your not "requitting" you have quit, Youve still quit, you are a non picker. relapsing is heart breaking but your only human, please stop beating your self up over this hun. Your doing so great, 6 spots in 8 days, when was the last time that happened in your life? that in its self is an achievement! these things dont happen over night, youve managed to stop your self at 6 spots, so next time, youll stop your self at 5, there is nothing wrong with that. Your still teaching your self new habits, its not going to be a fast easy task, its dificult and its long, but you WILL get there! Keep up your great work! and stop with the self beating! xx
skreed29
September 19, 2012
thank you again, emmi (: i got back to my optimistic self after a good workout this morning ! im just excited to heal and keep making more and more progress.
little-love
September 19, 2012
I have been quitting for around 2 or 3 weeks now and over the past few days I have noticed myself slipping. I think it's because i have been really stressed. I am going to be moving out to go bac to uni in just over a week and I want half decent skin! My skin is looking better but I wish it would heal quicker :( I had a little squeeze this morning but that is it now. i am going to keep myself busy for the rest of the day so i am not tempted. I just hate picking it makes me want to stay in all the time and I get so BORED. I know I can do this though!! I will beat it!! Why do I CARE SO MUCH about the skin on my face??? I am perfectly fine with the rest of my body???? So this means I can be fine with the skin on my face too :))))) x
Emmi
September 19, 2012
We are all concerned with the skin on our faces, the rest of our body we can hide away if we need to, but because we are all so aware that our face is what people look at while speaking to you or anything like that, we all stress that our skin has to be perfect, when really, people dont notice the little blemishes untill we point them out, even the spots you have now, most people don't even seem them, we need to realise others dont care as much as we do, and what we see when we look in the mirror, is actually an over exadurated version of what everyone else see's. Your exactly right, if your not worried about the rest of your body, whyyy worry about your face :) Good to hear positivity :)
skreed29
September 19, 2012
made it through yesterday ! 13 days before scar treatment will commence. im excited. im getting closer and closer everytime. no matter how many times i relapse, its still so worth it to heal. im impatient but will have to get through it (:
Emmi
September 19, 2012
I love reading how positive you are :) its GREAT!! keep up the GREAT work Sarah, 13 days of no picking, your skin is going to look FANTASTIC, just remember that if your ever tempted :) hehe.
skreed29
September 21, 2012
still doing well (: healing more everyday. i believe its really my turn to kick this !
skreed29
September 22, 2012
im happy (: im at a point in my healing where i notice a difference everyday ! everything bad is getting smaller and flatter and i know i will be where i wanna be soon. i really cant remember the last time i let myself heal this much, and its so exciting that i know i wont sabotage myself. im excited to be able to finally move on, and im still young ! only 18 ! by the time im 19 (end of december) my scars will be a lot less significant and then by this summer... i might even be comfortable going to a water park ! i love water parks but havent been to one in years because its so horrifying to let people see me without makeup ! i think i have so much potential to have really beautiful bare skin again on my face because i am so young, and even more because i live such a healthy lifestyle. i cant wait to just feel comfortable and not worry about ANY part of my skin. i really think my skin everywhere besides my face is exceptionally nice and glowy. especially because i love trying out new lotions and basically drown myself in it like 3 times a day ! yesterday i got this cocoa butter body oil because i wanted to see how an oil felt in place of lotion........ i started rubbing it on my leg and it smelled seriously like chocolate. not an artificial chocolate scent, but like real chocolate ! it was heavenly. really soothing and comfy and cozy ! i was just smelling myself for the rest of the night. i havent even had the urge to pick that much lately, keeping the light from above the bathroom mirror out, so when i go to wash my face i cant really see the details of my skin. i only put the light back when i have to do makeup. i also keep a towel over the mirror whenever i can !
skreed29
September 23, 2012
so i have been filing my nails down as short as possible lately. to the point where it hurts a little at first, and i cant do a lot of things people normally can do with their fingernails. i dont make myself bleed or anything, its just a gentle reminder not to use my fingernails as weapons against myself ! they are really really short. it doesnt look bad though, i think they are kind of cute this way. and it helps with keeping me consious about not picking ! (:
skreed29
September 23, 2012
im depressed today at how my skin looks, even though i havent looked in a mirror today. i wish i could heal faster but i know i cant. im getting through it this time though no matter what because i LOVE the fall and i want to enjoy it and its already starting without me. i have so many reasons not to pick, and i know i wont because i just want to stop so bad. i want to be healed and perfect. i have this feeling like, even though i see people everywhere, everyday with flawless beautiful skin.. when i have it, i will be more magical and angellic looking than anyone else ! my boyfriend told me the other day that i have a gift. he claims that even though i am always the prettiest girl in the world by a longshot, when im happy i get 150 percent prettier. i think this argument is a little bias, but i DO have a very expressive face and when im in a good mood its more than obvious. i notice people checking me out atleast 3 times more often when im happy. haha. its wierd how that works. how your emotions and your state of being can sometimes be so obvious from the outside ! and even sometimes be the difference between a person being seen as ugly or beautiful ! it also makes me believe that your mood has a lot to do with your healing ! ive been putting on makeup and going out lately because i think that forgetting about my skin and laughing and having fun are more valuable to speedy healing than it is to not wear makeup, but sit alone at home and dwell on how horrible my skin looks. its starting to feel like fall, and when i go outside i just get so overwhelmed with how beautiful the earth looks and smells. for me its this nervous excitement (mostly exciting), like you get when you see a boy you have a crush on. its so overwhelming and magical.

Start your journey with SkinPick

Take control of your life and find freedom from skin picking through professional therapy and evidence-based behavioral techniques.

Start Now